Thirty Eight: Your Biggest Mistake

Despite of making up at the end of their argument, Kelsey was distant. She kept to herself. Julie woke up the next morning feeling like a zombie, lost all sense of directions. She had to come up with a new plan for her future. There was no way she could go back to Ardor.

She made the report and told the faculty that she had to finish early because of a family emergency. The only time her family was useful for her. She didn't have the courage to contact Nathan, but to her relief, the faculty informed her that he had turned in the assessment sheet for her internship. She passed with flying colors. She texted to thank him, he didn't reply.

Two weeks in after she got back to Gastonburry, she started to prepare her final presentation. Finalized her internship report, created slide shows, crunching numbers, drew diagrams, and all the bits and details needed for the final show. She also submitted a new application through the University to find employment after graduation. She was back to her initial plan before Ardor, before Nathan.

Kelsey spent more time in classes, catching up with her study and hung out with her other friends. While Julie spent almost all her waking hours at the library.

Julie called her mom to let her know the big day was approaching. She told her she had no doubt that she will excel in everything she does, and how proud she was that Julie was graduating early, while her newborn son was crying in the background. A son that she had always wanted.

Her father gasped when he realized that it had been three and a half years since she left for college, never once they see each other within that period. His new wife didn't like her very much.

They both promised to show up for her graduation and offered her financial support to move on to the next level, the real world.

Going through the days at UOG without Preston was bland. Even though she's used to go about her day alone, the reality that people were not liking her at that moment, with Preston being away, made her feel lonely. The only highlight of her month was the list of companies that requested an interview in response to her application. For obvious reasons, she chose the ones furthest away from everyone she loves, and not loving her back.

The interviews were practical, they were all done via Skype. The respective companies sent her forms to fill through emails. She did six interviews in one weekend, she learned about each and every company beforehand.

She did multiple interviews for each company, each escalate to a higher management level, none of them were Nathan Sommers. Her choices were narrowed down to two companies by mid April. They waited for the final result of her presentation, and her overall grades at the end of her study. It was drawing to a close. She had even started looking for lodging arrangement in Lancaster, a big city miles away from everyone she knows.

Kelsey responded with a simple smile and a supportive hug. She didn't beg her to stay this time. She still have a whole year to finish up, and planned to go back to her home town afterwards. Their long time friendship was inevitably going to be separated by distance. Everything was going to change.

**********

Two months after she left Bhorma, it was almost time for her final presentation. She had memorize every topic she was going to bring out to the panel, she had the whole thing mapped out in her head with only a thin stack of cue cards for a reminder. It wouldn't hurt to go through it again one more time, by herself, at the library. If Preston was there, he would be her most inattentive audience.

She walked out of her dorm, stopped cold at what was waiting outside. He wore a long sleeved black sweater rolled to his elbows, his hand were in his jeans pockets, feet crossed as he leaned on his black BMW. He looked thinner than when he last saw him, he let his facial hair grew but his hair was clean shaven as usual. There was a faint smile on his face when their eyes met, it formed a single dimple on his left cheek.

She didn't realized how much she missed that face until she actually saw it. "Nathan ... what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you ... I need talk to you, is that okay?" he sounded almost permissive.

"Sure," her heart started to race.

He opened the passenger seat, she can smell her cologne from a few feet away.

"Coffee?" he asked as he started to drive.

"Of course," she cleared her throat, followed by an awkward silence.

"How are you?" he sounded easy and non-threatening.

She looked out the window, "I'm a little nervous, actually, my presentation is tomorrow."

"Oh, did I catch you in a bad time?"

He didn't reply.

"How are you?" she asked.

He tilted one shoulder, "I've been better." It didn't came with an explanation.

"How's everything at Ardor?" she tried to avoid long uncomfortable gaps.

He then told her it was doing well, that Andy had finished his training and they've started the coffee and eatery corner as planned. He told it in a monotonous tone, not as enthusiastic as he usually was when talking about Ardor.

"I need you to come back," he said at the end of it. "It's just not the same without you."

She swallowed nervously.

"I know we haven't spoken in two months, that's why I came here, to talk to you in person," his eyes were glued to the road, his hand clutched the steering wheel. "What happened between us ... I want to put it behind us, I need you professionally ... as a business owner, I know you're the right person to keep within the company, and that's what I'm doing ... I want you to work for Ardor." It sounded rehearsed.

She cleared her throat, "That's ... flattering ... to tell you the truth, I haven't made any decisions yet, but there are two companies in Lancaster that are waiting for my final result ... I have made some deposits for an apartment there."

"You're moving to Lancaster?" he turned to look at her.

"It's highly likely."

"And Preston?" he had to ask.

She was confused, she told him where Preston was and what he was doing.

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Wait ... you're not with him?"

"With him? You mean dating?"

Now everyone's confused.

He pulled over to the side of the road, "Okay ... forget the coffee ... can we talk here?"

She nodded, "Sure."

"I don't understand, I've spent the last two months trying to figure out a way around it, thinking you were with him," he demanded an explanation.

She didn't know where to start, "I don't know what to say ... it's hard to explain."

"Try me," he said and braced himself for what's coming.

"I thought you said we're putting it behind us?"

"Forget what I said, that's not what I meant ... I tried to convince myself that I'll find someone like you again ... someday ... but I don't want to lie on my death bed regretting that I didn't take that chance with you, one more time ... but I need to know what the hell is going on with you and him ..." he didn't want to say his name.

They looked at each other. She was still very much in love with him too. She thought it would just go away, but one look at him, she was back where she left off. "I wasn't cheating on you, Nathan ... we weren't together back then, you were with Kelsey ... he was leaving, and I was a mess, I was sad, I was saying goodbye to him." She hugged herself. "I never thought there was any chance for us ... not even now ... and I hate that, because I didn't want anyone else ... I still don't," she confessed.

"What's wrong with now?" he took her hand.

She shook her head, "It's not okay ... this whole thing changed her, she's not the same with me anymore, and I don't want to damage it any further."

He didn't want to be the person who breaks up their friendship, but it seemed the damage was done. He wasn't going to let it go. "We'll wait ... for the right time," he said.

"I don't know ..."

"I'll talk to her ... I'll wait for the both of us, I'll do whatever it takes," he took her hand again.

He was earnest, she saw it in his eyes. No one has ever wanted her like that before. He was fighting for her.

"I can't think right now ... my presentation is tomorrow, I've promised to give my answer to those companies, I've paid that apartment in Lancaster ... I just ..."

"But what do you want? You kept saying about all these plans you've made, and how Kelsey felt ... what about you? What do you want?"

She wanted him, it was on the tip of her tongue, but she pressed her lips tight. She rubbed the side of her arms, the chill was penetrating through her sweater. She couldn't say it, it was balling up in her throat.

Nathan leaned closer to her, he wiped her tears with his thumb. He'd never seen her so torn, she always knew what to do. "Your biggest mistake was telling me that you fell in love with me, and I swear to God I will hold that against you," he smiled and stroke her cheek with the back of his hand. "I would love to kiss you ... if you let me."

His eyes were piercing into hers, he didn't make any move, he waited for her to answer. Her heart beat was throbbing in her head, what would become of them if they kiss right then and there. There was no reason for her to reject him, no reason at all. She had every reason to let him kiss her, especially when she wanted him as bad as he did.

She gently touched his face, and leaned closer to him. He kissed her palm on his cheek. Their face almost touched.

Even then, she took her time to think. But his eyes were glued to her lips. He went for the kiss. His arm quickly went under her arm, his hand landed on the back of her neck. His other arm slid inside the back of her sweater, she felt his soft cool palm on her skin.

She felt him, his breath, his mouth, his cologne, his hair, his ear, his neck. To be inside his warm embrace felt like home. Their kiss echoed inside the sound proof of his car. He pushed himself against her, she felt him getting more and more passionate into their kiss.

She broke the kiss, pressed their forehead against each other. She had to stop it before he lost all control. He looked down, gathered himself and pulled back. He had to have her now, but he wasn't going to push it. "I think I should take you back to your studying," he said after getting back his composure.

She nodded, "Yes." She was blushing after that kiss.

He took her hand and kissed it, he held it all the way back to the dorm, as if to tell her that she couldn't go back from that kiss. He put her hand on his lap, he smiled. Even when they've arrived, he wouldn't let go of her hand. She just sat there and let him linger with her hand. He turned to face her, put his elbow on the steering wheel. She shied away from his stare.

"You know I can't let you go now? Not after that kiss," he said.

She smiled, "It's still too soon ... I can't see myself telling her about us, please don't tell me not to say anything ... I can't do that."

He took a deep breath, "Fair enough ... I told you, I'll wait, however long you need."

She felt a bit at ease, "Are you going back to Bhorma?"

He nodded, "First thing in the morning, I can't stay, it's pretty busy at Ardor right now ... does this mean you're coming back to Ardor?"

"I haven't decided ... if I am, I won't be staying at your place."

"Why not?"

They paused and burst into laughter.

"Okay ... okay ... I understand ... so you're thinking about it?" he was hopeful.

"I'm thinking about it ... I'm gonna have to ask for a raise, though," she joked.

"Name your price, I'll sign it," he took it seriously.

She laughed again, "I'm kidding."

"Well I'm not kidding ... can I kiss you again?" he couldn't resist.

She giggled, shook her head, "No ... let's keep it professional, this is a job interview, right?"

He squeezed her hand, he understood that good things don't come easily. "Okay, but don't take too long ... please have mercy on me."

"I have to go now ... I'll let you know my decision."

"When?"

She put one foot out of the car, "When I'm ready."

He finally let her hand go, "Okay."

She waved at him with a smile and closed the door. He threw himself back on his seat, he was not backing down now.