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Father and mother
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2020-10-12 01:55:03"Papa are you there? How is mom? ”I whisper quietly and look up at the sky.
A cool wind brushes my bare shoulder and leaves goose bumps on my skin. Like almost every night I stand on my balcony and look at the sky. There's a special reason I didn't want to live in town. Here, outside of all the people, I feel free and independent. Nobody can tell me what to do. Nobody tells me anything. Here I am to myself. I feel safer under the starry sky. As if someone would watch over me and protect me.
"Dad, can you hear me?" I whisper and at the end of the sentence my voice breaks off.
I don't expect an answer, a light wind would be enough for me as a sign that I am not alone.
"Do you see me?"
The wind blows from the side towards me and lets my hair float in the air for a brief moment. Then they fall back down my shoulder.
"So you've found me then," I say quietly and accept the wind as an answer.
"You know", I start to talk and imagine how he would stand in front of me and listen carefully to me.
“When I look at this sky, millions of stars look down on me. It almost seems to me as if they are eyes that shade me. Which of them are yours? ”I ask him, looking in the stars for an answer.
I imagine how he would stand next to me. He would smile at me through his glasses and lean calmly against the balcony railing.
“The days are getting shorter and shorter, the nights longer and colder. The world has grown so much bigger without you, ”I say desperately and feel my hands cling to the railing.
"Why didn't you take me with you?" I ask him and feel the tears forming in my eyes. "Then I would be much better now."
Instead of saying something, he gently places his hand on his heart and looks at me in despair.
“I remember every experience, every argument, every get-together. How you ran along the river with me in the summer, how we got a hamster at the animal shelter, how you read me from a book every evening, "I enumerate and can't stop tears from running down my cheeks.
"What do these damn books bring me now?" I ask my father and get angry. "Nothing helped me to understand why you are gone and why I am still here."
"Explain it to me!" I say desperately, get louder and beg for an explanation. "Tell me why you left me here."
His eyes glaze over and I can see how much he is suffering.
"I've been feeling so weak since you left me," I say, turning around so that he can't see me. “As if I were just a ghost that actually no longer exists.
While hot tears roll down my cheeks, I slowly calm down and look silently at the starry sky. I've let out my frustration now, now it's time to build a strong facade again.
“Do you remember how we used to watch the starry sky?” I ask my father and look at the moon.
“I could swear the stars aren't as bright as they used to be,” I say, the following sentence is like a whisper and drifts away with the wind. "As if they had lost their light."
"Papa", I say longingly and look for him through my light veil of tears.
“I miss your good night kiss. I need you to be close, I love you ”, I say longingly and forcibly close my eyes to hide more tears.
And when I open it again, he's gone. I realize all too quickly that I am alone again. With trembling lips and tears in my eyes, I place my hand on my chest and clench my fists. Then I relax it again, kiss the palm of my hand and blow the kiss in the sky, hoping it would reach my father and mother.
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