LOGINAs I predicted, my uncle hides in his and I in my room. We lick our wounds and try to calm down. I don't know what he's doing. He may be lying in bed watching TV or sleeping. Personally, I've been standing in front of the broken wall mirror in the bathroom since we arrived.
I didn't take off my white dress or my shoes. I just stand there and look at my swollen cheeks and my gray-green eyes. It's quiet and I've made up my mind to finally digest the death of my parents. To digest properly. I'm tired of thinking about what life would be with them every day. I have to accept what is. I have to accept the truth that you can never come back. I'm slowly starting to worry about myself. I have to focus on myself and I have to get my life under control again.
But today I still allowed myself to mourn, only today on the day of her death. From tomorrow on I finally have to pull myself together and change something about myself. I need to get confident and strong again. I know it could be years before I get back to Solveig, but I'll take it on myself. It only occurred to me today that I didn't see a future in front of me and from that moment on it became too dangerous for me. A person cannot live long without a goal without having something in mind for the future. I've found that I don't have a goal in mind, that's bad. A person has to hold on to something, otherwise he will break apart without a plan for life. Maybe there are people in the world who have no future in mind and live happily, but I need one. If I don't see a target, then I have nothing to fight against and if I have nothing to fight against, I collapse.
Today I wanted to be strong again as I sat in front of my parents' grave. I want to be strong again, not to accommodate. I used to be full of joie de vivre, every day was so wonderful for me. Of course there were days when it was hard to breathe, when I had doubts about my strength because of all the pain. I was afraid of people. I knew I was the it girl, but still there were cruel people out there who only see the negative. They criticize their fellow human beings, they repeatedly emphasize their weaknesses and mistakes. They only pay attention to what they don't like and let everyone feel it. It's sad and terrible at the same time, because they overlook the most important thing, namely the character, what is in a person. You overlook the good. But I overcame that every time, thanks to my parents and friends. They made me feel beautiful, they were the reason I became so strong. Would I make it without her this time too?
Suddenly I hear a crash, an instant creak and rumble. These noises come right above me where the attic is. Curiously, I leave my room, run to the end of the hall and stretch to grab the rope. Should I ask my uncle first what that could be? I worry too much, it's just his attic, like he's hiding a corpse up there. And even if it was just a rat, I've never been up so I pull down the stairs. Interested, I climb up and just stay with my head up to look around. Since there is neither a corpse nor a ghost in sight, I climb really high and notice all the mess. Nowhere is there a free place to sit down. Everywhere there are either books, suitcases, packages or other things that you can no longer use, as well as a sledge for example. Fortunately, the window illuminates the attic even when it rains, there is enough light.
I walk around interested and just stop in front of a box. Without hesitation, I open it and am surprised by the many photos that lie in it. At first I think they are photos of my uncle, but then I am amazed to find that they are photos of my family. I reach in and pull out a pile. Various pictures can be seen in which I pose with my father or I walk in the park with my mother when I was little. For a long time I look at the many pictures, but in the end I have to realize that there is not a single picture in which I am in the hospital with my mother. But maybe they just didn't do one, it's also possible.
Sighing, I put the pictures back in the box and notice something completely different. Far back is something wrapped in a cloth. Whatever it is, either it's dangerously fragile or my uncle didn't like it. Since it has the shape of a rectangle, I can conclude from this that it can only be a picture.
Curiously, I pull out the frame and pull off the cloth. As the dust cloud drifts past me, I look at the picture and cannot take my eyes off it. There is no center of the picture, no people or even an animal on it, only a forest can be seen. But it is not an ordinary forest, the grass is unusually blood-red, the trees cannot be seen, only their thick, brown tree trunks. There is no artist's signature to be seen, only the brushstrokes of each individual blade of grass. The picture was painted fine and neat and the juicy paint just sprays from it.
Exactly two hundred years ago this world looked different. People were grateful to nature, but were still threatened with extinction. There were more fables and animals in the world than humans. I still remember exactly how dangerous it was to live as a person in those times. Very rarely, and if so, then with great effort and good luck, a person lived until he discovered a white hair on his head. I just grew up when the person in me died.I had a family, six siblings, three of whom died in childbirth. I was the eldest son in the family, so I was responsible for my younger siblings. We lived in a small village, fearful of a fable attack every day. Of course we knew how to protect ourselves, but we were weaker than these magical beings. They're big, way too strong, and scary, or at least they used to be to me.The village had around two hundred people, large families and a few animals for slaughter. Everyone knew everyone and we all helped each other out. From time
My eyes get wet and the temptation to just walk in that door to hug her is very great. But I pull myself together because they are right. If it's true, and it's not just some stupid dream of mine, then I might really die. So I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and turn away from them. I stand in front of the locked door and look at the handle. For the last time I turn to my parents and memorize the picture exactly."I'll see you," I say resolutely.I try to smile strongly, turn the handle and go blind by the bright, white light. Shortly after that, I lose consciousness.It seems to me that I am asleep. As if my body was sleeping, but my mind was wide awake. I can't open my eyes, but my other senses work great. Immediately I know that I am outdoors, as the air smells very fresh and sweet. Since the rustling of leaves can be heard, I can imagine I am in a forest or something like that. I can feel fresh, wet grass under my fingers. The earth still fe
My feet carry me somewhere. But where? Everything around me is black. My eyes seem to be blind, there is no difference if I keep my eyes closed or if they are open. The darkness is bothering me. I don't like it when I don't know where I'm going. I try hard to recognize something, but it is in vain. I don't see, hear or smell anything. Am I dead? Is that the path that leads me to death?Since I jumped into the picture, I've been walking around in this darkness. Running seems like an eternity to me. The fear of having to keep walking without ever reaching a destination grows. But what else can I do? Stop? No, so I keep walking, hoping that nothing will jump on me from the side because I don't know where exactly I am.But when I suddenly see a small light in the distance, my feet start to run faster. Running evolves into jogging and jogging into running. The light gets bigger and bigger, and when I suddenly see two peopl
I put the painting on the floor so that I can watch it from above. It's hard to take your eyes off it, they stick to the picture, so to speak. But not only that doesn't make me look away, the picture surrounds a dangerous and at the same time an exciting atmosphere. It feels like a story is hiding behind the picture. Without thinking long, my fingers touch the red grass. I drive back in shock when I get a small electric shock. Confused, I touch it again, this time knowing not to flinch.I can easily feel how a pressure is released and my fingers slide into the picture. Completely perplexed, I find that my entire arm is gone. Am I dreaming? Have i lost my mind In fear I pull my arm out again and place it on my chest. I look at the mysterious picture full of questions.That can not be! This is not possible! I probably just fooled myself. But no damn it, my whole arm was in it. What should I do? Tell my uncle about it? He would mark me as crazy again. Damn! I get up with
As I predicted, my uncle hides in his and I in my room. We lick our wounds and try to calm down. I don't know what he's doing. He may be lying in bed watching TV or sleeping. Personally, I've been standing in front of the broken wall mirror in the bathroom since we arrived.I didn't take off my white dress or my shoes. I just stand there and look at my swollen cheeks and my gray-green eyes. It's quiet and I've made up my mind to finally digest the death of my parents. To digest properly. I'm tired of thinking about what life would be with them every day. I have to accept what is. I have to accept the truth that you can never come back. I'm slowly starting to worry about myself. I have to focus on myself and I have to get my life under control again.But today I still allowed myself to mourn, only today on the day of her death. From tomorrow on I finally have to pull myself together and change something about myself. I need to get confident and strong again. I know it c
The egg cannot be found, only by its chosen warrior,” he explains."So that's it. And you? Don't you have anything better to do? For example, reading your magic books and memorizing a few sayings instead of coming to me, even though you could have just written a letter? ”I ask.There must be a reason Garun is here. He's just as careful as I avoid him. So what else is there that he's hiding?"The egg will soon open ashram," he says seriously.“Only when there is war,” I say and want to get up because I can no longer control myself to be in the same room as him."Can't you see that?" He asks, getting louder and more excited.“It started a long time ago. King Lennard has so many evil forces at his side, he will stand against us and there will be a lot of blood, ”Garun says with a nervous expression."And if we do, we're stronger," I say confidently and turn around."Is that us?" He asks and his