I love y*u

My feet carry me somewhere. But where? Everything around me is black. My eyes seem to be blind, there is no difference if I keep my eyes closed or if they are open. The darkness is bothering me. I don't like it when I don't know where I'm going. I try hard to recognize something, but it is in vain. I don't see, hear or smell anything. Am I dead? Is that the path that leads me to death?

Since I jumped into the picture, I've been walking around in this darkness. Running seems like an eternity to me. The fear of having to keep walking without ever reaching a destination grows. But what else can I do? Stop? No, so I keep walking, hoping that nothing will jump on me from the side because I don't know where exactly I am.

But when I suddenly see a small light in the distance, my feet start to run faster. Running evolves into jogging and jogging into running. The light gets bigger and bigger, and when I suddenly see two people standing there, I stop. My breathing is irregular because of the race. My heart feels like it's jumping out of my chest. The sight of the people I see standing there amazes me and at the same time leaves me in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" I ask and hear my voice squeak at the end of the question.

Nobody else but my parents are there. The white light turned out to be a door. They stand embraced and smile at me. Next to her door there is another door, but it is locked. I don't pay attention to that, however, my eyes are fixed on my parents. I don't even dare to blink because I'm afraid they might disappear in the next moment. They still look exactly like in my memories. My mother still has the same blonde, shoulder-length, wavy hair and the color of my eyes. Her forehead broad, her nose thin and her lips nicely curved. My father also still has his short, black hair, his glasses on his nose and his clearly prominent cheekbones. This is how they stand in front of me, my father, one and a half heads taller than my mother, has his right arm around her shoulder and looks at me good-naturedly.

“It's nice to see you,” says my mother in her soft voice and her forehead immediately wrinkles.

Whenever she is about to cry, her forehead wrinkles. Happy to see her, I want to run up to her and hug her, but my father stops me by immediately holding up his palm and looking at me seriously.

"When you enter, there is no turning back," he says briefly, so that the warning reaches me.

So I stop in the same place as before and look at her in amazement. What does this mean?

“My darling, this is the realm of the dead. Please think about whether you really want to come, ”she says sadly and frowns.

"Am I dead?" I whisper and I feel my stomach contract.

"Not right. But you are currently in the world, the different doors, ”my father explains and continues when he sees my questioning look. “There are different doors that you can enter but not come out of. For example, you cannot get out of this door. "

My father points to the door frame in which they are located. When I jumped into the picture, I got here. Can I ever go back? Back to the living? Back to my uncle? Is it all true? Or am I dreaming right now?

"How did you get here anyway?" My mother asks me worried.

"I found a picture at Uncle's, then I somehow got into it," I explain briefly and assess the next decision.

If I go to my parents, I'll be dead, but at last with them. Wasn't that what I always wanted? Be with them? Didn't I torment myself for almost a year and bombard the world with questions why I didn't die with them? And now I have a chance to come back to them. I could see them again, talk to them again and above all I could stay with them! That was my dearest wish!

“Solveig, do you see another door here?” My father asks me and interrupts my thoughts.

"Yes," I say immediately, frowning and pointing to the door that is to their left. "You can see one here."

“We can't see them,” says my mother and looks sadly at the floor.

“We are dead, we can no longer enter any doors. Besides, you might just be the only one who can see that door. This world has probably decided to only let you in, ”explains my father and sighs worriedly.

Just me? But why would she want to let me in? What is there to see in it? Interested, I look at the locked door and wonder if it might have something to do with the picture of the red grass in the attic.

“Are there several doors?” I ask my father, who looks at me curiously through his glasses.

"Did you think that we were the only living beings in this universe?" Asks my father, chuckling to himself.

I missed that giggle. In general, I really missed seeing them. My mother's little wrinkles when she smiles. The glasses that always slide down my father's nose when he has to laugh. I missed all of that. I want to hug her, kiss her and show how hard it has been for me to do without her. My feet slowly carry me forward. I hide the locked door and only have eyes for my parents. With tears in my eyes, I am closer to my parents step by step.

"I don't want you to come here," my mother suddenly replies when she realizes that I'm almost standing in front of them.

She looks me straight in the eye. It is a great temptation not to just step inside. For a moment I get a little angry that she says that in my face. Doesn't she know how much I've suffered? Didn't she miss me too? I look in despair at my father, hoping he would disagree. But no, he also consistently looks at me. The anger subsides and I feel self-doubt. Don't they want me? Have I let you down with my behavior over the past year?

"You are still so young, my Solveig," says my mother and now looks at me lovingly, as if she had sensed that I doubt myself. “Experience something before you come to us. We know how much you suffered. How hard it was to do without us. We're so sorry we left you alone. But you can't come to us! If you are here you can never come back and we cannot allow that. We would be far too selfish parents if we would let you here with us now. "

She looks like she's struggling not to burst into tears. A tear runs down my cheek and I realize that I am very much after my mother. In contrast to me, however, she has her emotions under control and sovereign.

“Open this door and go on an adventure. See what the world has to offer. Fall in love and get to know love. We want you to be happy. We want that in the end, when you have to die, you have experienced everything, that you have no regrets and that you have been happy. So do us this favor and live before you die, ”says my mother and can no longer fight her tears.

Another strong sob escapes her as she leans against my father's chest and weeps bitterly. My father doesn't look any different, his eyes are glassy under his glasses and he looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"I love you so terribly," I say aloud and put my arms around my stomach and feel a hundred needle pricks pressing against my heart.