25. THOSE TEN DAYS

I shared our concern with our close friends including Ankit, Kartik, and they were ready to sign the court papers. We needed minimum three witnesses to get registered in court. So, I arranged them and ordered to be present with no delay, whenever I call. They were obedient and desperately wanted to accept us together forever. 

It was early morning when I received a text from Nisha about reaching her village with no hurdle. I thanked god when she reached safe. I was worried how would she travel such a long journey in such a worse condition. What if she gets some ache? Lots of questions ran in my mind, which faded away by her text. 

It was over three weeks, we hadn’t met. I missed her the entire day. I described what was going on in my mind. How much I was worried about her. I texted her in WhatsApp. At night, I waited for her text badly. I described every twist and turn off my bed. Everything which came across, from missing her to worrying about her, I typed in paragraphs.

Good night n take care, she texted with no smiley face of emotion. Just a single message against my long paragraphs which I had texted her entire day. I didn’t know whether or not she read all those texts. But those blue ticks on all my messages proved she saw those. She shocked me with her reply, but I manipulated my mind. 

 I entertained my heart well. She will definitely be tired due to a long journey and she will definitely talk to me the next day. With a mind full of hopes, I slept at night with expectations in my eyes.

Second day.

I missed her more. I described how I had arranged the lawyer, the documents and people too for our marriage. I typed paragraphs about how my day went. I did in a way I used to do every day to which she asked how it happened and why it happened. But all those messages were unseen. Only a single tick, that’s it. Her mobile data was off, so she didn’t receive my messages. She had strictly ordered me not to send her text message. Whatever I wanted to say, only via WhatsApp. I wrote my feelings on those long paragraphs, oblivious to her. 

 I waited for her reply, but to my surprise there was not a single message from her. Not even good night. And not even double tick. She kept her data off. And it made my mood off. I waited entire night and found as if she was not even in my life. It tired my eyes of waiting, and I finally took a nap till sun warmed the day.

Third day.

It was about to be a month since I had not meet and two days without talking. So, I devised an idea to win her heart. I sent a short video of mine with a face full of grief. I recorded how badly I missed her with some tears to melt her stoned hearted heart. But it was futile. At night, she texted only a Good night with something extra. Only extra thing she texted was that she was busy. I wondered where she was busy whole day, she didn’t have time to talk. I was more worried by the fact she didn’t even watch my video, which I had sent. It crushed my expectations into pieces. I wanted to go to her village and show her my video to make her realize how badly I missed her. But I was helpless.

Fourth day.

It was her cousin’s marriage ceremony. I expected her pictures in pretty looks. She had told me she would wear the same lehenga which she had worn on my sister’s wedding. I thought every moment how she will manage such a heavy lehenga with tremendous pain in leg. I waited for her selfies with pout, standing beside a bride. But again, her silence disappointed me. There were no such images of her. Not even goodnight. Because of not talking to her, my world seemed to be empty. Tension around me crushed my expectations and hit me hard. The agony of loneliness formed a worry at the back of my mind. I asked her about the marriage, how she enjoyed, how was the food, how was groom looking? Everything I asked, out of curiosity and fear. But my questions remained unanswered. Her sudden silence formed a panic and doubt of something negative with her. Her ignorance stung tears in my eyes which rolled down to my pillow.

Fifth day.

She sent just a line at night. Network issue. Goodnight.

How come she had network issue when it I saw double tick in WhatsApp whenever I texted her in the entire day. I texted my feelings, which ended with lots and lots of texts which were unseen even by god too. I lost patience. My mind was not working properly. I couldn’t work out properly in the gym. Everything got messed up. I lost interest in taking food. Even my basic meals didn’t bother me at all. My mind wandered with tension to every corner of her village to have a glimpse of her. Lines of worry formed on my forehead, which frustrated me. I had thrown things around me due to frustration. 

Sixth day.

She texted, goodnight take care. It was unbelievable how can someone be so busy, even she doesn’t have time to talk with the person whom she used to talk so much. I was low in spirit. It was difficult to digest. My panic got higher and higher, which made my discomfort in my life at peak. I forgot smiling and drowned in my ocean of insecurities, but I never doubted my Ardhangini in my entire life. I had blind faith in her. I used to believe the planets might change their way, the sun and moon might forget to shine, the stars might stop twinkling, but she won’t let me down. She never did in entire ten years of our love life and she won’t even in the future.

Seventh day.

Our lawyer called and asked me if we were ready for marriage? I met him and handover him some documents of mine and requested him to wait for a week and gave some random excuses. Nisha had already warned not to call, as someone will always be there with her. It was tough for me to breathe. More tough to eat and the toughest to live. I missed her sweet voice. I used to listen to her voice clips in WhatsApp which she had sent earlier in sexy and seducing tone. Even those were not helping me to come out of my ocean of distress.

Dark circles surrounded my eyes, and lines of tension were visible on my forehead. It had been a week, and we were not in touch. I lost sense. I thought to call her, but I behaved like a gentleman. Only thing I had given to her mostly in our journey was pain. What if someone picks my call and know about us? It will create a blunder. I had already given her enough trouble, and I didn’t want to give more. She must be enjoying her cousin’s post marriage days and my call will disrupt the harmony of her life again. So, I slept with her memories. I don’t know whether I was too nice or too stupid, I believed her actions and didn’t utter a single word for past three years.

 I convinced and confronted myself well. I motivated myself to live and have patience. Things will be all right, I said to myself, the whole night, while waiting for her reply. The yearning for a reply from our beloved ones gives a different pain. The intact was always in my eyes.

Eighth day.

I sat at the backyard of my bank, rotating my thumb on send button, thinking whether or not I should share my today’s routine. It was severely hurting my self-respect, but I kept aside my ego. I forgot my self-respect, and texted her entire day. But, I realized, even going beyond my self-respect was not a good idea. At night, she replied, No network, Good Night.

Actually, it was not ‘No network’. It was ‘No intention’. All my messages got double tick on spot but she told rubbish. I brought words from reality. There must be something she hid. So, I decided, I must do something. 

Ninth day.

I texted her some harsh words, which were not even harsh for her. I wrote.

Can’t you come to terrace once in a day and talk to me? Can’t you take someone else’s phone and call me? Can’t you text me at night the way you used to do? Don’t you know how much worried I am for you? What about your return? When will you come back? I have arranged every little thing for our marriage. Our documents, people and all other stuffs are desperately waiting for you. How you enjoyed the marriage ceremony? What about them who were about to come with a marriage proposal? Please reply once. I am dying to talk to you. It never happened in ten years of our relationship, we have gone without talking a single day. Even at worst times, you have texted me. But you are ignoring me now when I need you the most. Please reply. Miss u. Love u a ton, my Ardhangini and attached lots of crying faces. 

I wrote my message with tears on my eyelashes. Even my harsh and emotional words didn’t melt her stoned hearted heart. I was out of my control and finally called her the next day.