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Chapter Five
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2020-10-11 20:00:32Dear diary,
Today was the first day of SS2 and what can I say about it? It was horrible and totally humiliating. I wasn't expecting it to be good obviously but it went totally terribly with not one thing going as planned.Well let me tell you all about my 'blissful' day ehhh, hear the sarcasm, sigh.
Sooo today was pretty rough and................................................... there I was in the class taking the beatings from Ebi and crew and lemme tell you something that girl's hand is strong like ehhhh, if nobi say I dey hold myself like this ehhh I suppose cry but abeg I cannot come and cry and let it be sweeting those idiot girls kia tufiakwa. But that's not what hurt the most, the fact that my own blood did nothing to defend me was what hurt me the most.
I'm used to getting beating from my classmates, its not a new thing and so is my sister not caring but it still hurts a truck load. Me and my sister are supposed to be close, closer to ourselves than any other person but the reverse is the case and she actually wishes me dead. I know what a horrible thing to say about my own sister but its the truth. How do I know you may ask, well its because she has freaking said it to my face, yh that's right she did. The fact that the person I came into this world with doesn't care is what depresses me most times and is part of what hunts me in my dreams and gives me sleepless nights.
So you must have guessed how much it hurt me to see that she just walked into the class and saw me getting such a thorough and painful beating and just laughed in my face, mocking me and asking that they beat me up real good, if she had said nothing and done nothing I don't think I would be this hurt, sigh.
Why does she and everybody else hate me?
Well its a long story but I guess you deserve to know diary, so here goes nothing;My mom died when she gave birth to me and my sister, my elder brother being just a toddler. We never got to know her, I never got to know her or know any other mother figure for that matter. My dad having no choice had to remarry as he couldn't manage handling three little kids alone, so that's where Maria came into the picture, if only he knew the trap he was entering, sigh. As we grew up Maria made sure we knew that she was not our mother in any way and terribly mistreated all of us. I guess her years of trying hard to get a child softened her heart towards my sister who was a beauty right from when we were little. Maria was into modeling and everything fashion and beauty and so she turned my sister into a child star and manage to manipulate her into doing her biddings. I remember asking if I could join my sister to do a beauty pageant, that was the first time I got told I was ugly, I still remember her words, 'Ewww, why would I allow you to participate, so you'll come last and disgrace me bahhh, please beauty pageants are for beautiful girls and not ugly little girls like you with terrible spots on their faces', I remember my sister giggling and I remember crying till I couldn't cry anymore. What kept going through my head was the fact she said eww, for a little girl eww was what we said when we saw some digusting insect and I wondered if I looked like one, ha. I had asked my dad if he thought I looked like an insect and he asked where I got an idea like that from and I told him what Maria had said.
That's where my trouble began Maria began to maltreat me and instigate my sister against me because she felt I wanted to scatter her marriage. My brother was in boarding school at the time and my dad was always busy at work, so I had literally no one to defend me from their meanness. Maria literally turn my sister against me and made her believe we weren't sisters not to talk of twins, she had her believing she was her own daughter, probably because of how rich and famous Jacinta made her become ever since she started child modeling. The bullying continued and moved into bullying me at school, Jacinta easily turned everyone in our primary school against me which wasn't hard considering the spots I had on my face, they all used to call me Jamie the witch because of those dark spots I later learned where freckles. I turned to food to make feel better about the things happening around me that I was to young for and that's when I started adding weight. My classmates bullied me about my weight none stop, calling me the fat girl and no one would want to share a sit with me because of how big I had gotten. The bullying continued even in secondary school but blew out of proportion especially after that 'incident', sigh.Sooo that's part of the reason they hate me soo much.
Do you know what keeps me moving?
Its two scriptures actually ;Genesis 1:26, 'And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness....................... '
Wanna know why this keeps me sane?
This scripture let's me know that I am made in the image and likeness of God and so I'm not ugly because God is not ugly. He knows why he made me differently and so I accept that, who knows better than He? The fact that I'm made in his image and likeness is enough to give me peace.Matthew 11:28, 'Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest'
The fact that I can lay my burdens and pains and baggage at the feet of Jesus is what has kept me from cutting myself to give me some kind of temporary relief. Jesus is my forever relief and pain killer and the fact that he can give me rest is the reason I'm not in a mental asylum.
This are the two things I have desperately held on to that has gotten me this far and are what will keep pushing me forward.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Sooo this is chapter is done yayyy. Drop a comment if you loved it.
So we got to know a little bit more about Jameela, what do we think of her and her back story.
There still a whole lot we don't know yet about her tho.
What do y'all think about the scriptures ehh?
Nigerian words ;
Kia - exclamationTufiakwa - God forbidSuppose - should haveI cannot come - I will notThis chapter isn't edited, please bear with me I'm freaking tired abeg.
Vote, comment and share.
Follow me I always follow back.Check out my other work too,Stay tuned.Till next time,
Love Stephanie ❤
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