Chapter 9

Selena

I rushed back to the room because I couldn't bear it anymore. Noah asked me hundreds of questions about my identity. Everyone was curious but what should I say?! I don't know either who I am.

I'm lost. The person with hidden secrets, as they could call me. The truth is I am a lost person with too many situations in the past that I did my best to forget about it.

I don't know if I am a good person or not. I don't know if I am a lovable woman with a good personality or I am a horrible monster from inside. Sometimes I feel like a devil with the worst evil thoughts that could convince a good guy to kill someone boldly without regretting it.

And at other times, I could convince the real devil to regret what he did before and to ask God for forgiveness or to kill himself as compensation for his sins.

I am confused about my reality as if I was living with amnesia or as if I wanted to have amnesia to erase my past.

I am attracted to Noah but scared to be with him. I do need a man like him with a strong personality, someone to be my backbone that held my back and someone who supports me. Someone whose presence makes everyone respects me not just for money because money can't buy everything in this world. I don't want this to be temporary; I want this to last forever. Fear forced others to respect you and kneel under your feet.

I was confused about myself and my needs; what I needed and what I didn't need. That's why I couldn't find a single word to tell Noah about myself.

I was someone who knew a lot and could do the impossible missions with no fear but deep inside, I was fragile and a broken kind of person who just needed a hug.

I shut the door behind me and locked it with the key. I totally forgot that Noah must have a master key.

I slid down on the floor in a room corner and sank my head in between my knees. I started crying heavily missing my country, missing my life and my parents.

"Father, I need you. I need your hug. I need your support. I need you so much." I sobbed, crying heavily with nonstop tears falling down my cheeks like rains, with blaming words for what I did to myself and to what I did to my parents as consequences of my past sins.

I know that I am not an angel but I didn't mean to hurt my parents. I didn't mean to lose everything. Part of me acted like a naive girl in that part of my life. But I left to build myself from the start again to come back to them later with more than I wasted or with more money and desirable future for both of them.

I didn't notice that Noah was standing next to me all the time while I was crying and talking to myself.

I felt a warm hand pull me up and pressed me to his chest. "Your father would be so proud of you," he said softly, kissing my forehead.

I hugged him tightly sobbing. "I miss him so much and I miss my mother."

He pulled his head away, glaring at me and wiping my tears with his finger gently. "How does a strong, fearless woman like you even cry?" He smiled slightly but I knew that he was curious.

I faked a smile. "I am fine now. I am just exhausted." I skipped eye contact with him. I couldn't face him or he would read my eyes easily. I was always the worst at pretending, especially when I was in deep pain.

He cupped my face with his hands, leaned down further to my face and nodded. "I am with you now; you could use me as your father if you want to."

I blew a deep sigh "I want to sleep for a while," I whispered.

Suddenly, Noah carried me between his arms, walked to the bed and placed me down gently. For a second, I thought he would try to sleep with me and I was like, uggggh he is an insane heartless person.

He peeled off my clothes and I was just staring, not moving at all. A part of me wanted to hate him and I wanted to finish what I came for. I was reminding myself of the main reason that made me fly away from my parents and my country.

He left me with my bra and G-string and he took off his clothes as well, remaining in only his black boxer. He covered us with the sheets and hugged me tightly, placing my head on his muscular arm.

I blinked in confusion "That's it?"

He gasped "What? You thought I would make love to you now?" he said shockingly. As if I stabbed his dignity.

I narrowed my eyes "Love?!"

He smiled and sighed then pulled me back to his chest, moving his hand gently on my head. "Just relax and don't think about anything. Sleep, I am with you now."

I blew out a sigh of relief. I felt safe, protected and that was the best feeling ever. This reminded me of my father when I got scared or angry about something. He was hugging me until I closed my eyes and went into deep sleep.

And that happened to me that night but it was even better because he didn't leave the bed or my hug at all. He was holding me between his arms all the time. As if we were twins in the same womb attached to each other.