Chapter 1 - Avelena

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“Can you move your head a bit to the side, Natalia?”

Natalia nodded her head as she followed Keenan’s request and tilted her head towards the school flag’s direction. I, on the other hand, awkwardly stood at the side while waiting for my cousin to finish her Student Council photoshoot.

“Beautiful. Now let’s just do two more smile shots…” Keenan trailed off as he clicked his camera shutter a few more times with Natalia posing for her last two shots with her picture-perfect smile.

“…and you’re done! Next person please! Thank you.”

As Keenan went to change the batteries of his camera, Natalia made her way to me. Her hands were clasped together as she mouthed ‘sorry’ multiple times before she reached my side of the hallway.

“Sorry…did you wait long?” she asked as she opened her locker and rummaged her books into it.

She literally just threw everything at the bottom of her locker and then got her bag and swung it over her shoulder, with her car keys swinging freely on her middle finger. It’s like she has done it so many times.

“Not that long. Just got here actually.” I said as I got a glimpse of her messy space before she slammed her locker door shut.

“Phew. That’s wicked.” She sighed with a relief.

She tucked her longer side bangs into her right ear before she looked at me with a smile to say, “C’mon, I’ll drive you home!”

“About time.” I rolled my eyes playfully at her as I pretended to be a bit sarcastic on my side comment.

“Bitch.” Natalia scoffed at me before she sprinted to the hallway and headed toward the school exit.

“Hey, I heard that!” I yelled in retaliation as I ran up to catch up with her pace.

“You were supposed to, Avee!” she shouted before laughing at my running stance toward her. “Stop running like a chicken!”

“Ha. Ha. Laugh all you want, Talie, but I’m not buying into it!”

Seriously, again with the ‘Chicken Run’ joke, Natalia?

I didn’t know why I even bothered to be offended anymore. She’s been like this to me ever since I broke my left leg during the annual marathon race when we were seven.

I was literally fighting for my life back then because I could not afford to lose at that time. My class depended on my two feet to win that race. There was just no such option as ‘giving up’.

Losing meant I was admitting that ‘Germy’ Jerome had that power over me, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be labeled as a loser and lose to that guy who has mocked me at every contest we’re in.

We were ‘seven’ for goodness’ sakes! I just didn’t want to be called a loser and I, certainly, didn’t want to go home and tell my parents that I was the reason we lost.

It terrified me.

But if only I knew that that moment would install the most horrifying memory of my life. I should have quit being so prideful back then and just remained on the ground with my shame and pain. Maybe the blow wouldn’t have been that bad.

But who knew what could have happened?

I shuddered at my terrifying 2^nd grade memory.

As soon as I reached Natalia’s side, a crowd began to form near the school doors. Natalia stood frozen on her ground as her eyes widened at what’s happening in front.

“Who are you looking at?” I asked as I followed my cousin’s line of sight.

I tried make out who it was that made her stop her tracks, but then again, I never would’ve really guessed it right away since I didn’t really know a lot of people in this school. You could say I was ignorant, but it’s more of because it didn’t really matter for me.

If it’s not homework that I needed to finish, or an exam that I needed to ace for my straight A streak, or maybe some extra credit, then I could care less about it.

My parents and I have been aiming for an Ivy League university for as long as I could remember. I was brought up with the mentality that if I couldn’t get into those schools, then I might as well say goodbye to my future.

It scared me no matter how much I wrapped my head around it.

Not only was the pressure intense, but the money needed to even get into the school was insane. I just knew that I couldn’t afford to slip up the opportunity to apply for a scholarship, and I’ve been doing pretty well keeping my grades up for that matter. At least, I hoped that streak could last until I get there—fingers crossed.

“No one important. Let’s just get you home, okay?” she said, shaking a bit of her head before she threw her million-dollar smile at me. “Auntie Helen will kill me if I don’t get you home by 5.”

Nodding my head in silence, I followed her outside of the door, not totally ignoring the small crowd forming behind us as we walked to Natalia’s midnight blue car.

I wonder what happened?

Luckily, curiosity was a luxury I couldn’t afford. What happened back there wouldn’t matter as soon as I got home. It was always like this. I should be well-accustomed to it by now, but…for some reason, today just didn’t sit well with me.

I had a bad feeling about going home.

“Yo, Earth to Avee!” Natalia waved her hand in front of me, snapping me out of my own thoughts. “Are you with me?”

“What?” I asked, still in a daze in my own troubled mind.

“We’re here. You can get off now.”

“Oh.” I absentmindedly replied as I tried to shake off the uneasy feeling I had in my gut.

I grabbed my school bag and swiftly got out of her car. When I closed the door, I knocked on her window and she rolled it down.

“Thanks for the ride, Talie! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See you, Cuz!” she replied enthusiastically, waving her hand in a mock salute. But before she rolled her the window up, she followed with, “And whatever it is you are thinking about…it’ll be okay.”

I smiled at her and nodded my head in agreement.

“Bye! You drive safe, okay?”

As soon as she sped out of our front gate, I let out a heavy sigh before slowly turning the lever and pushing the metal door forward. The small walk to our front door felt really heavy.

I didn’t know why I kept feeling this uneasy as I was getting nearer the entrance of my house. The handle on the door felt cold to the touch, and for some reason, my stomach sank at the thought of something going wrong behind those doors, but then again, it might have been just my own thoughts tricking myself into believing that bad something would happen.

Relax. You did nothing wrong, Avee.

With that thought, I tried to calm myself down by taking in a deep breath before I turned the knob and opened the door.

“See? Nothing’s wrong.” I whispered to myself as I scanned the hallway to see the lights opened as per usual.

“Mom, I’m home!” I shouted across the hallway as I removed my shoes and slipped on my slippers.

My backpack hung heavily on my shoulders as I proceeded to make my way towards my room.

The house was silent.

It was a little too quiet for my liking, and it didn’t help my uneasiness go away. Mom should have answered when I called out a while ago, but nothing. Was she not home?

No, the lights were opened.

We had never left the lights open when no one was home. That was a sacred rule. Maybe she just hasn’t heard me yet.

“Mom?” I shouted a little louder this time.

Still no one replied.

When I noticed the door of my room open, I quickly went there and slowly pushed the door wider.

“Mom?” I said a bit softer this time as I peeked into my room to see if Mom was there.

And she was, but there was something different about her aura that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. ‘Did something happen?’ was what I thought at first, but I paled when I saw my college applications crumpled on the floor.

Mom broke the heavy silence as she said, “Bachelor’s degree on Music Theory?” while she looked at a corner of my bedstand.

“Bachelor’s degree on Music Composition?” she said in disbelief with disappointment coated on every word. “I never raised you to be this way, Avee. I thought we agreed on a business course or a pre-med! What is this I see on your college applications?”

My eyes looked down on the floor as a dwindled my fingers nervously in front of me. I knew better what’s going to come next, and I had a feeling it wouldn’t be pretty.

I felt my mom’s cold hard stare on me as she picked up the forms on the floor and threw them all on my head. Startled, I flinched at the sudden motion in fear. I made sure to keep my head down and not dare to look her in the eye.

My mom’s voice echoed throughout the house as she shouted two words in frustration, “Answer me!”

“We never agreed on a business or a pre-med course.” I softly muttered to myself, hoping she didn’t hear what I just said.

“What did you say?” mom said accenting every word in subtle anger.

My heart skipped a beat at the tone of her voice. If voices could kill, I would’ve been dead by now.

“Say it louder!” she yelled at me once more, my eyes involuntarily closing shut as her message of authority pierced through my skull.

I was a bit hesitant to talk back with the way she was with me right now. For all I know, her looks could be lethal right now and that frightened me to speak what’s on my mind.

What should I do? I asked myself that very question.

“Nothing. I’m sorry.” I ended up whispering, but loud enough for her to hear.

“What were you thinking, Avee? There’s no money on art courses! They’re just a waste of time! You’d be better off opening a lemonade stand to earn something for your future!” Mom lectured me as she waved her arms in frustration. “I’ve been where you are, so you got to trust me. I don’t want you to ruin your future because of this measly mistake.”

“Can’t I just try?” I managed to blurt out without thinking.

Regret soon followed shortly after I saw my mom’s face turning blank and her eyes leering at me like daggers.

Shit.

“You can’t even manage to make friends at school, Avee! You don’t even play any instrument or write impressively! What will you do with a music course that requires communication, skills, and talents to get through?

Is this because you want to acquire fame? Because if that’s what it is then I’m telling you right now that you won’t survive that industry. A lot of singers starve to death because they can’t even land a regular job! Do you want that as your future?

You’re better off using your brains to do something more certain of your capabilities, like earning yourself some money with a business or working in a bank and rising up the ranks! Now that’s some future.

Honey, I’m your mom. I know things about you that you can’t see. Trust me. This is for the best.”

Is it really for my best? I thought to myself as I tried to push back the tears that seemed to erupt from my eyes.

There were so many thoughts juggling inside my head as I tried to come up with something to answer her claims, but mom didn’t wait for my answer and instead, left me alone in my room as soon as she heard my dad’s car outside.

As soon as she left the room, the energy I had left that day slipped away.

I ended up on the floor, bawling my eyes out silently with the pain that had struck me familiarly for years.

I never knew why I always felt an unexplainable ache and heaviness on my chest whenever things like this happen. At first, I thought it was because I wasn’t obedient enough to receive praises from them, and then I thought it was because my best wasn’t at par with their standards. I always thought I deserved the pain because I wasn’t good enough, but today, I realized that I was suffocating.

And for the first time since I was born, I wanted to be free.