Chapter 6 - Avelena

“What’s got your panties in a twist, Avee?”

Ignoring Natalia’s question, I continued to furiously chomp some food down my throat. My eyes were still leering at the barren grass field, mostly due to my frustration on my encounter with Adrian a little earlier.

The nerve of that guy to steal my photo!

What would he have needed it for anyway? No matter how much I thought about it, nothing made sense. I wasn’t going to join the basketball team nor was I even going to join any clubs in the first place, because I wasn’t even allowed to!

After school activities have been off-limits to me ever since, so it was totally out of the question. I had to always be home by 5 p.m. It was another one of my parents’ ‘safety rules’.

If he is planning on blackmailing for anything, I swear to God I’ll—

My thoughts were cut short when I realized that my lunch container had been emptied.

Tsk.

I grunted and muttered profusely to myself as I kept my lunch container back inside my bag.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Natalia asked as she held both of my hands, forcing me to look her in the eye, much to my avoidance of her concern.

“It’s nothing, Talie. Really.” I made sure to emphasize the last word to her; however, instead of prying further, Natalia seemed to be more upset.

“Since when have we been keeping secrets from each other, Avelena?” she replied with slight annoyance, her eyebrows furrowing as she let my hands go a little too harshly.

“Wait!” I exclaimed, putting a hand on her arm immediately as she started turning away to gather her things. “I’m sorry, okay?”

I sighed as I contemplated on telling her what was really bothering me.

“It didn’t seem important and I don’t want to bother you anymore than I already do…” I trailed off, keeping my eyes on the ground.

“Avee, I maybe your cousin, but I’m also your best friend. Who else are you going to talk to about this?” she asked as she lifted my chin up to meet with her face.

Her eyes were full on concern, and I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming rush of guilt as I debated again on what to tell her exactly.

“I know. I know, but I’m kind of still processing things so I’m not even sure if this qualifies as an important issue.” I said, shrugging my shoulders up and down as I tore away from our eye contact and proceeded to look at my thumbs awkwardly intertwining with each other.

“Well, if it’s bothering you so much, then it’s important. Easy as that.” She replied as she crossed her arms over her chest.

I had a feeling she’d say that.

Knowing Natalia, she always went full-on mom mode whenever it came to dealing with me, and yes, I did love that about her, but sometimes, I wished that she didn’t have to. If I wasn’t born meek and weak, then maybe she wouldn’t have to.

“Remember that basketball boy who was getting flocked at the start of senior year?” I started off nervously, intertwining my fingers awkwardly as I looked up to meet her in the eye.

“You mean, Adrian Troy?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“I know him. So, what about him?”

Natalia raised one of her eyebrows and eyed me suspiciously. The atmosphere changed from easygoing into tensed really quick as Natalia waited for me to tell her more about what happened.

It, somehow, unnerved me how Natalia gripped the side of her arms a little too tightly. I was used to seeing her being protective around me all the time, but her aura right now, felt a bit…different. It was as if she knew something that I didn’t.

It wasn’t until I took a huge gulp and a deep breath before I replied, “He stole one of my 2R photos. The ones I asked Keenan to take for me the other day.”

“He what!” Natalia exclaimed, with her eyes wide opened as if she couldn’t believe what I just told her.

“I know right! That’s my reaction too! Like why the hell will he steal one of my photos? He’s got to be insane!” I rambled about to ease the tension that I found rising with Natalia’s reaction.

Natalia was quiet for a minute as if she was trying to piece something up in her head. Her forehead was scrunched a bit in the middle and her lips were in a deep frown. It seemed as if she was in a deep thought.

Her countenance brightened up a few minutes later as she cried out, “Oh. My. God. Avee!”

“What?” I asked dumbfoundedly.

“He’s totally into you!” she suddenly exclaimed.

“Uhm…excuse me what?” I asked rhetorically, completely bewildered by Natalia’s ridiculous assumption.

“I knew it was weird that Adrian volunteered to help Keenan the other day!” she muttered to herself proudly as if the lines she was connecting in her head finally made some sense. “There was just something about him that day that didn’t seem quite his scene, like he was being awkward and snoopy.”

“Okay…Troy has a crush on me. Is that what you’re saying?”

Natalia nodded quite too eagerly in response to my question as she tried to convince me that what she concluded in her head was the truth.

“Pft. No way. That’s just bullpoop!” I exclaimed back at her. “We don’t even know each other, and as far as I know, we only started having a conversation this morning and—”

“Whoa whoa whoa, back up there, Avs. You talked this morning?”

I stiffened for a moment when I realized what I had just said.

Shoot! I slipped up.

“Uh…yeah. Haha…about that.” I nervously chuckled as I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck as I thought of words to explain what transpired this morning.

“His number seems to have gotten inside my phone, somehow and—”

“You have his cell number?” Natalia’s eyes grew wide with shock and excitement as she interrupted me for the second time today.

“Like how?”

“I…don’t know. He was just on my contacts list the last time I checked and I wasn’t really going to text him. It was an accident! I swear! I did not mean for that stupid emoji—” I paused in the middle of my thought as I realized that I was rambling too much once again.

“Damn it.” I cursed to myself as I slapped my own mouth to attempt to silence it from telling any more embarrassing detail.

Natalia’s jaw dropped when I finished trying to explain what had happened, which I pretty much had failed to. If I knew me pretty well, I’d probably react the same way.

“Avee, okay. You don’t need to explain any further. I understand your social anxiety in so many levels.”

“I love you.” I blurted out as a thanks for withstanding my awkwardness in explaining my situation at the moment.

“Aw…I love you too. But how come you didn’t just contact me as always? You know I’m always here to help.”

My mom and I had a fight last night. I bawled my eyes out after and then I couldn’t sleep because my mind kept repeating the scene inside my head like a broken record. It made me feel insane and empty at the same time. My thoughts were so loud but I couldn’t even scream, and my chest felt like a thousand needles were poked into it a dozen times that it had become far too deep for me to pluck out with my bare hands.

Nothing could even appease the turmoil overflowing inside my heart out of the suffocation I felt from being a puppet ever since I was born. I wanted to breathe. I wanted to end things last night, if that was the only way to be free, but at the same time, I couldn’t. Because that meant I was giving up when I was not.

And I don’t know, god, I don’t know what to do. I just really wanted to run somewhere far away—somewhere far from their reach. Somewhere where no one can tell me what I can and cannot do.

I just wanted to stop feeling so…lost.

But it’s not like I could tell her that.

Natalia didn’t deserve to carry another burden that I was destined to carry. She had finally adjusted to her perfect senior year life with no drama coming at her because of me, and I didn’t intend to throw that peace away from her because of my selfishness any time soon.

This was an act of altruism, and sadly, this was the only way I could repay her kindness to me. It wouldn’t hurt just to lie a bit for her sake. After all, white lies could be forgiven.

For both our sakes, this was the only way to keep at least one of us happy, and I was totally fine with that arrangement.

“It’s really nothing. I just couldn’t sleep, is all.”

Natalia eyed me suspiciously once again before she followed up with, “Why do I have this feeling that you’re keeping something from me, Avee?”

“I’m not.” I lied to her, trying my best to smile my way through.

“I swear! I just didn’t want to bother you at 2 a.m. with my ridiculous insomnia. Scout’s honor.” I raised three fingers on my right hand as I hid my left hand behind my back, fingers crossed.

“You weren’t even a scout, Avee. But you know what, you can lie all you want. The truth will always come out eventually, and when that time comes, I’m going to say ‘I told you so’.” She said, attempting to threaten me with her eyes as she gathered her stuff and proceeded to fold our picnic blanket.

“I’m keeping my eyes on you and Troy.” She followed up, pointing her two fingers to her eyes and then to mine.

“There’s really nothing going on between us, Talie! He’s just being a jerk because I’m easy to bully, apparently.” I muttered bitterly under my breath as the thought of Adrian infuriated me.

“Uh-huh.” Natalia shook her head in disbelief as the bell rang, signifying that lunch was over.

“Let’s just get to class.”

Giving up on the notion of convincing my cousin that there was nothing going on between me and Adrian, I finally escaped from her clutches when I split up with her midway to my last class, which was English.

I heaved a sigh of relief as I made my way to the back of the classroom and sat on my seat. Happy that no one else took claim of my spot beside the window. I just loved sitting here. Despite all the ruckus that had happened to me today, this view from the third floor gave me some peace of mind.

Class today began a bit peacefully and I thought that I could end my day without worrying about anything—at least, that was what I had in mind before Mr. Nolan came into the room and began discussing another group project for us to accomplish this semester. Cue the groans and the complaints of the lazy kids moaning in the classroom.

That secretly included me, mentally, at least.

Truth to be told, I actually liked projects, especially the ones Mr. Nolan gave. I have nothing against his curriculum and his way of teaching the subject; however, what repulsed me this time was when he mentioned that we would be working in pairs. That had me frozen for quite a while as I hoped that what I heard was wrong.

Group projects didn’t really sit well with me. I always had this fear of not getting along with my groupmates. What if they thought my idea was lame? What if I had to do all the work by myself because they know that I couldn’t afford to let my grades slip? Or worse, what if no one wanted to partner up with me? That would just enhance my unsaid solitude and further brand me as an eyesore in the student body, and I didn’t want that to happen.

As much as I’d like some help, I prefer not to have to worry about things like these. Rather, it terrified me for having to deal with awkward situations and having to participate in conversations with other people.

I didn’t want to be anymore of a loser than I already was.

My head was down as I tried to prepare myself of the dread I’d need to face a little later. I was thinking of the possible candidates who wouldn’t mind getting partnered up with me, but I sighed in defeat.

Most of the time, all the students would get paired up with their own group of friends, and by the time that happened, I’d get stuck with the people no one wanted to be with—students like Bernard ‘the nerd’ who had snotty allergies 24/7, and Denzel ‘the dunce’ who gets bullied by the jocks every chance they get.

I’d hate to stick the quo. I really did feel sorry for them. Heck, if it wasn’t for Natalia’s reign on the SC, then I might as well have been grouped with them in the bottom category.

I shuddered at the thought of having to face such nightmare.

Hypocrite.

I scolded myself after having realized that I was being heavily influenced by the eyes of the student body cliques.

To be honest, I’ve always wanted to stand up for others like myself, but at the time, I was too afraid to be thought of to be like them to even make a move. And maybe that’s why I kept silent all this time—a coward—that was who I truly am.

A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts as all of our attention went to the sandy brown-haired boy standing awkwardly by the door. The teacher motioned for him to enter the room as he handed the slip to him.

“Class, we have a returning student with us here today.” Mr. Nolan announced as he finished reading the small piece of paper that was handed to him.

He then looked at the boy once again and motioned for him to go to the center of the platform as he told him, “Please go ahead and introduce yourself to the class.”

The awkward boy stood a bit nervously on his feet as he nodded his head in response. He clutched the arm of his backpack tightly and bit a small portion of his lip before he started speaking to the class.

“Hey, I’m Sean Kristofer. Nice to meet you.”

Nothing more followed after he said that. But even with his parsimonious introduction, it was enough to send the class into a buzzing frenzy.

Katelyn’s posse immediately started whispering to each other as they looked at Sean with predatorial eyes. The other students in class were also in a state of shock and wonder the moment Sean walked into the classroom. Every one was in a daze on either admiration or sour defeat as he, on the other hand, remained silent on his end.

Everyone had a comment about who he was and how good he looked.

All of them, except me.

“Okay. That’s enough! Let’s get back to the topic at hand.” Mr. Nolan shouted to keep the class in order once again, but that was not before he faced Sean to say, “Sean, you may take a seat beside Ms. Ko.”

I flinched at the mention of my name.

I had always been grateful for the fact that I had the table next to the window with no one seated beside me. The seat to my right had always remained unoccupied. It may have been for other reasons, like because they didn’t want to catch my ‘freak virus’, as Katelyn would’ve said it, but I liked to think that it was because they respected my privacy and preferences to stay away from them and prevent any awkward conversations that might have to ensue if I had a seatmate.

Personally, it helped keep my concentration up.

That was until today.

“The person seated next to you will be your partner for the rest of the semester, so I want all of you to get along well. You have to choose a topic for your report to be submitted by the end of next week. It can be about anything, but nothing too grotesque and erotic. Clarence, that goes for you.”

Mr. Nolan eyed Clarence, who was seated on his left, with a bit of a warning. Clarence, on the other hand, paid no attention to the teacher’s threat, instead, he stood up on his seat and decided to fake a strip show in front of him.

“I can’t make any promises to ya, Sir!” Clarence retaliated as he began rising his t-shirt up, that brought half the girls in class into a mesmerized state.

Mr. Nolan was not happy about his obnoxious behavior. His head shook in disappointment as he rubbed the palm of his left hand to his temple in circular motion.

“Detention after class. Now get down on your seat, Clarence!” Mr. Nolan reprimanded him with a glare and red slip.

Clarence immediately hopped down his seat and took the red slip with a smile on his face. I haven’t seen anyone as happy as him on getting a detention slip. I’d say he was a mad child, and it was best to stay away from lunatics like him.

“I’ll see you all next week. Class dismissed.”

The moment he said that I rushed to the front of the classroom to catch him before he left.

“Mr. Nolan! Um, could I maybe talk to you for a second?” I asked him awkwardly as I pointed backwards with my eyes.

“Sure, Ms. Ko. Is there a problem?”

“I…was thinking. Maybe I could be an exception to the pair project? I mean. I’m totally fine with the project, but I mean…Can I…do it alone?”

Mr. Nolan smiled at me as I fidgeted with my fingers out of the anxiety that has been racking my brain since the start of class. He switched the weight of his books into his right hand when he put his left hand on my shoulder to pat it gently.

“Ms. Ko, I made this a pair project for a reason. It’s supposed to be an interactive project. You’d be surprised to know what other perspectives there are in the world!” he started off on a good note, then he continued with, “Doing this alone won’t really give this much of a learning experience, if you get what I mean.”

“But, Sir, I’m really just not comfortable with the others here. I promise I’ll really do my best and bring you a topnotch report. I just really work well alone.” I said insisting that my part of working better alone than in a pair.

“Now I understand that you’re nervous about this, but this is good for you, Ms. Ko. Now’s your chance to broaden your circle. Make new friends, or in this situation, a friend.”

“But—”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Ko, but I can’t give you an exception.” Mr. Nolan cut my hope short when he said that.

He put it in a way that I couldn’t refuse the pair project any longer, and as much as I’d hate it, he was partially right. A deep frown formed on my face as the realization of fear sunk in me.

“You’ll be fine.” Mr. Nolan followed up when he saw me distraught about what he just said.

He gave me a heartwarming smile, the kind teachers, who cared, did when a student was faced with an awful ultimatum. It brought, at least, some comfort that he believed in me.

“I wish you well on your report.”

“Thank you, Sir.” I bowed my head to him as he walked away from the classroom.

I knew that Mr. Nolan refused my request for my own good, but I couldn’t help but feel restless as I worried about the project even more. Having a partner complicated things with my schedule and my work pace, and it wasn’t something that I looked forward to having.

My mother’s spiteful words began ringing in my head as I packed my things from my desk, “You can’t even manage to make friends at school, Avee!”

She’s right. I didn’t have any friends.

It’s not like I could buy friends at a store. Friendship just didn’t magically appear out of nowhere like that. They had to be built. And for that to even happen, I needed to get over my fear of interacting with people my age.

Maybe I could start with my partner in class, but a sudden thought cut my hopes short when I struggled to remember who my partner was to be.

Damn. It’s Sean Kristofer. He’s my partner.

Blood drained from my face when I realized who it was. A groan of disappointment escaped my lips as I mulled over the troubles that would arise by the mention of his name.

No one ever said making friends was easy.