Chapter 3 - Sean

She was Aphrodite in the flesh.

My personal goddess.

She was love all in one, a woman who managed to capture every bit of my guarded soul and enraptured it with flames that taught me what warmth felt like—what living was like.

If I were to define who she was for me, she would always be my sunshine.

“Stop it.” Leah groaned as she met with my eyes, smiling as she covered her face with her long and slender hands.

She peeked through her fingers as if she was curious if my eyes had left her, but I still stared at her, enamored and grateful that a woman like her existed in my life, and that she was right here, waking up in my arms.

It was almost too good to be true.

“Sean, stop! You’re making me shy.”

Leah’s laughter filled in the room as she continued pushing me away, but alas, it was futile for I was stronger than her. A little later, I deviously planted my fingers around her torso, then started tickling her waist without so much as of a warning.

This only made her laugh a bit more uncontrollably. I could see how she scrunched her eyebrows in the middle of her forehead and fidgeted as she tried hard not to laugh and squirm with my touch. She was annoyed with me, and it was evident, but she was beautiful, nonetheless.

It was at that moment that I found the courage to peck her luscious, pale red lips.

The intensity of our eyes heated up quickly after that, and without so much of a second thought, I bent down once again and recaptured her lips, slowly devouring her essence as I slid my tongue through hers to deepen the kiss.

That went on for quite a while, until Leah kept tapping me on my shoulder, and when my eyes opened to see what was going on, I was met with a pair of unfamiliar, dull blue eyes looking at me hauntingly.

“You killed me.” She said, with a darker voice than Leah’s.

I immediately jumped out of bed, frightened at what she claimed.

“N-no. NO!” I screamed out, as I covered my ears, closed my eyes, and shook my head repeatedly, telling myself that it wasn’t my fault.

“I-I-I—how could I kill you?” I asked her in a small voice as I slowly opened my eyes to meet hers, hoping that she’d understand the love that I had so much for her, and how it was impossible for me to even lay one finger on her precious soul.

“LIES.”  She screamed out once again, this time with wider eyes that seethed anger as she went near my face.

My heart jumped at the sudden scene and I could have sworn I peed myself out of fright that she was going after me, but instead, I found myself in a dark room by myself, panting with cold sweat falling down the sides of my forehead.

“It was just a dream.” I whispered to no one, as a tear shed down my eye.

“It was just a dream.” I repeated to myself a little louder this time, feeling my heart break into a million pieces as the sad realization slowly sunk in.

Without another word, I wept and mourned for the loss of my sweet sunshine. Leah—she used to be paralleled to the overwhelming joy that brought me peace of mind, now; however, even just the thought of her name, embodied an ache that was growing stronger every day as it filled the hollows of my broken heart with nothing but an abyss of immense sorrow.

She’s gone.

I found it hard to believe that she would disappear from my life. It was still hard for me to wrap around my mind that Leah had passed away.

Everything was already so perfect.

We were both very happy and contented with how our lives were finally morphing for the better. All we needed was time, and I couldn’t believe it ended so quickly.

Just like that.

I found it unfair. Why did it have to happen to us? Why did it had to happen to her? Leah deserved so much more in life than just getting a taste of pseudo-happiness.

She already had it rough during childhood.

She was just starting to feel okay.

Everything was slowly falling into place, and yet… she was stolen right away before that happiness could even settle down into her life.

She was so young.

It wasn’t fair.

Tears kept brimming in my eyes as I wept. I bit my lip harder, trying my best not to let a sound out in order to not wake anyone up in this house.

I clutched my pillow and buried my face into it, hoping that it would mute the agonizing whimpers escaping from my mouth. Heart sullen and weary from the ache, I let the darkness of the room and the nightmare consume me.

The wound was still fresh and the memory as clear as day. It seemed impossible for me to forget what had happened right away. The blood stains on my hands were still vivid, though it had been thoroughly cleaned.

I never knew I could love this much until I lost her for real.

“Sean…are you okay?” I heard a soft voice ask from across my room.

It was Nessa, my big sister, who stood by the door with worry written all over her face as she held the loose ends of her bathrobe with her left hand. She quietly went over to my bed when she saw me not responding to her.

The tears weren’t going to stop anytime soon, and Nessa, somehow, knew this, and so, she pushed the pillow I’ve been strangling for the past half hour and embraced me into her arm instead, patting down my back as an attempt to bring me more comfort. I welcomed her warm sentiments and allowed myself to cry morosely on her shoulder.

“Shhh…” Nessa cooed as my cries turned into sobs and later on into sniffles and dry, puffy eyelids.

She pulled away from me when I halted my cries, and took a good look at me. Pain was visible on her face as she wiped a tear slipping out of my eye.

For a little while, I could see her eyes become saddened, but later, the small corners of her lips lifted into a small smile as if to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

I wanted to believe that everything would be okay, but right now, I couldn’t even convince myself to believe that lie.

“Are you feeling better now?” she asked me, breaking the silence that had shrouded the room.

I nodded my head slowly in response.

“Do you want to talk about it? You know I’m all ears.” She smiled at the end of her offer, and I couldn’t help but feel a slight warmth entering my soul; however, I swallowed my words in and shook my head.

I wasn’t ready to face the truth. In here, Leah was very much still alive.

Nessa playfully pinched my nose and moved it right and left before she ruffled my hair and made it messier than a normal bedhead would be.

“Hey!” I exclaimed a little bit annoyed at her old habit.

“There you go! An ugly brother set for school!” she said, stretching my cheeks wider.

“Ouch! That hurts, Nessa! Let go!” I pushed her off of me, rubbing my cheeks and stretching my jaws to check if they were still intact.

Surprisingly, they were, despite the strength she put into her effort.

“Get up! You need a shower and some hearty breakfast. Wouldn’t want to miss your last day of enrollment crying your balls out.”

Nessa had gotten a lot peppier and brighter after the years we were apart. I wondered if it was because she was now a mother of twins, or maybe it was because she missed me more than ever, but it was nice to see her happy this time around.

A lot had happened since I had left town to start a new life with Leah. I couldn’t believe it had been three years since then.

Just 3 years…

Before my mind could trail off into another gloomy mess, I caught it in the middle and shook the sad thought off. Nessa was right. Being stuck at home all the time was not good for me. I needed a change of scenery.

“Okay, okay. I’m up! Now get out of my room, Sis!” I said, riding on her brighter mood as I pushed her out my room.

“This is my house, Sean. If anyone’s getting out, it’s you!”

“But I’m a guest, Nessa. You wanted me to live here. So, you can either suck it up or I’ll leave for good again.” I retorted, playfully threatening her at the end.

I felt Nessa stiffened for a bit on my last comment, but instead of scolding me further, she sighed and shook her head before she headed for the kitchen to make us some breakfast.

Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed the limits too far. After all, Nessa had always been there for me when I needed her. I quickly regretted making light humor on my cruel joke.

Watching her shadow disappearing into the kitchen, I headed straight to the bathroom to shower. As soon as I stepped into the bathtub; however, Nessa decided to walk in.

“Oops! I’m sorry, little Bro, but Keith needed to take a pee pee! You wouldn’t mind, right?” Nessa said, ignoring my nakedness in front of her as she lifted her son onto the small stool.

“Since when were the locks broken?” I shouted hysterically at her while I quickly grabbed my towel on the counter and wrapped it around my waist.

“Since Kea and Keith were old enough to be potty trained!” she retorted back, rolling her eyes as she saw my flushed expression. “Oh, get over yourself, little Bro! I’ve seen that too many times to count. I bathed you when you we—”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” I said abruptly, interrupting her chance to bring up an embarrassing memory of my childhood.

“Grow up.” She scoffed as tiny Keith giggled at me.

“Uncky Sean’s naked, Mommy!” Keith exclaimed with an adorable toothless grin as he tried his hardest to shoot his pee into the toilet bowl.

Honestly, I can’t totally say I was glad to be back.