Chapter 2 - Avelena

It was 2:53 a.m. on a school night, and I couldn’t sleep.

The pain on my chest had subsided a bit after crying a while ago. However, it had been replaced by a gaping hole that was unfathomable, and a terrible ache on my swollen eyelids.

I tried listening to some boring lectures on the internet to welcome sleep, but that too did not seem to have an effect.

Music was also out of the question.

Honestly, I didn’t know more what I could do to stop feeling this way. It was an irritating feeling, a mixture of feeling nothing at all and feeling this pulsing ache that couldn’t seem to simmer down at the same time.

My mind was awake and well too aware of the hurt that had occurred a few moments ago, and it had been constantly replaying that scene like a broken record, haunting me like a shadow at the back of my mind.

I’ve never really made my mom this mad before. Usually, they would just scold me lightly a bit here and there, but she had never been this…scary. The look that she gave me oozed with disappointment and failure, a look that I never thought I’d ever see.

However, come to think of it, maybe it never happened before because I’ve had always tried so hard not to talk back and slip up whatever expectations they had for me. I had always tried to bite my tongue before I said anything.

But I guess today was otherwise.

When was the last time they ever asked me what I liked? Sadly, I couldn’t even conjure a memory of it.

Giving up on catching some sleep, I sat up on my bed, grabbed my phone, and decided to scroll down my contacts list to see if there was anyone I could talk to. Unfortunately, my list was very short and it didn’t take me that long to get sad once again about how right my mom was in my ‘friends department’.

There was only a total of 4 people recorded in my phone, if you didn’t count my favorite egg tart store’s number and the famous boba shop near my school.

For the nth time today, I sighed to myself as I let this realization sink in.

I was really a nobody.

Could Natalia even be considered a friend? But she’s my cousin, did cousins even count?

I had a feeling they don’t.

They shouldn’t be, because technically they’re family. Okay, so Mom, Dad, and Natalia were definitely off the friends’ list.

Who else was on my phone?

Adrian Troy.

Wasn’t he the basketball guy who just transferred around the start of senior year?

What’s his number doing in my phone? I wondered to myself as I tried to recall any form of interaction with anyone the past few weeks.

It was odd for me to even think about any social interaction with anyone, much less with a stranger, because I was always sent home by Natalia after school.

Natalia… I wondered if she was awake; however, I put the idea of texting her to rest quickly.

Knowing her, she was probably asleep at this time, and I didn’t need her to worry about me much more than she already had.

I’ve burdened her enough.

Sometimes, I didn’t really want to keep relying on Natalia, because I knew she had so many responsibilities to address to, and it always felt like I was adding onto her long list of problems to solve.

And that didn’t really sit well with me, most of the time.

I’d hate to become a deadweight to my amazing cousin, because a lot of people looked up to her, and she would’ve gotten further without babysitting me all the time.

I was just a loser hogging up all of her attention. She deserved better.

She deserved to be seated at the popular table during lunch or being around the cool kids during P.E., and not around an antisocial freak like me, all the time.

I hated that she had to stay away from all those people because she was afraid that they would hurt me, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but want her to stick around, because I found it hard to adjust into the culture of this place.

Everything about this town was a shock to me since I first came here. The people here were a bit more forward and independent than from where I came from.

My part of Asia was lot more conservative and principled, bounded by rules that we all must follow. There was discipline to be strictly practiced day by day. People to be wary of and people to be trusted because of their connections to my family, and not because we decided to randomly trust a stranger off the streets.

Adults who taught you to value social classes and to follow the hierarchies, even if it meant kissing up, but at the same time, taught you to hold your pride because age was a huge factor, an equivalent ticket to respect and honor, despite giving excuses that their poor attitudes could be accounted for when they treated the less fortunate as dirt and disposables.

Kids who grew up hiding from their parents to be able to do the things they dreamt of doing. Kids who were told to never mingle with races that, in their eyes, were not people of the same heritage with us. Kids who learned to fake a smile and plan sinisterly under the shadows against pretend friends in order to bring honor to their families.

Kids who were taught to lie in order to not embarrass the family, and cause turmoil and friction inside the big clans.

There were just so many rules and restrictions back home, and having to migrate to a country with independence and new morals just didn’t sit well with me for a long while, but Natalia helped me ease into my new environment like she had done this so many times with her eyes closed.

Natalia and I went way back. She didn’t always live here in America. She was also someone like me, who migrated into the country because of her parents, but the difference between us was that Natalia was an Asian-American. She had her dad to thank her for that. And because of her mixed heritage, she had escaped the claws of the clan’s rules and regulations.

She was lucky enough to be excluded from the usual family traditions. She had every right to her life herself, and because of that she had become my role model.

Sometimes, I had wished that she was my true sister and not just a distant relative that my parents had a connection to.

I loved that she would protect me and hang out with me, despite my upbringing and my nosy parents. I loved that she would listen to whatever I say and not judge me for it. I loved that she made it so easy for me to trust her and catch up with her. I loved her observant eye and kind heart in everything she did. No one should be this perfect, but to me, she was.

I was grateful that I had someone like her in this town who knew who I really was deep inside, and most of all, I loved how she could ground me every time I fall out of place in my life.

Where would I be without her?

She was like a breath of fresh air to me, and I haven’t had a lot of that growing up in an Asian household.

Honestly, she’s done what my parents couldn’t do ever since I was born, and I would always be grateful to her for everything she had done.

That’s why I opted not to bother her with my internal struggles at home.

If I could fake a smile and let her not worry about me anymore, then that meant helping her in the process, right?

Right.

So that left me with a boy named Adrian. How he got his number in my phone was still a mystery, but I didn’t really have a lot of options right now. I just really needed to talk with someone.

Natalia was usually the receiving end of these things, but I didn’t want to be a burden to her any longer. Besides, I’ve lived here for two years. I could get over this by myself.

With a firm resolution in mind, I tapped his name on my phone screen and started typing a simple question.

| Avee: How did I get your number?

Would it be weird if I sent him that? Yes.

Worried that this might not seem to be an okay question, I erased the sentence and thought of something else to say.

| Avee: Did you tamper with my phone?

Well, that sounded rude.

No, Avee. Get a grip. Ask normally, like a normal person would! I scolded myself as I tried to not think suspiciously of whoever this person was.

I was going to bother him anyway, might as well be nice, right? But who was I kidding? When did I ever start a conversation? Never in my whole life, that’s what.

Ugh…I’m getting nowhere with this. I groaned as my forehead leaned forward and met with my cuddle pillow.

A few seconds later I heard a “ping” sound coming from my phone.

That was weird, who would be texting me this late?

I looked at my phone and the second I saw the content my heart just flew out of the window.

| Avee: 😛

Seened 3:04 a.m.

| Adrian: good morning?

Oh. My. god.

Did I just—? No way.

What should I do? I thought to myself as I unconsciously bit my nails out of habit when I was anxious about something.

I sent such an embarrassing emoji! Would he think I was weird now? Thoughts kept running in my head as I thought of my next move. I’ve always ruined my first impressions.

What could really make this any worse?

| Avee: hi.

Hi? That was the best you could think of, you Idiot.

| Adrian: Hey, what’s up?

| Avee: You’re still awake?

| Adrian: Guilty. I was gaming with my bros when I lost track of time. 😅

| Avee: Oh.

| Adrian: I see you finally found my number? *cheeky grins*

| Avee: Yeah.

| Adrian: So…what are you doing still up?

Should I tell him? Can I trust him? I thought before replying,

| Avee: Nothing.

| Adrian: Okay. One-word answers. You’re not much of a texter, are you?

A small smile cracked on my face as I read what he concluded about me. We just started the conversion but he already had a clear idea of who I was. Was I that obvious?

| Avee: Sorry.

| Adrian: 😆 You crack me up, Ko! Seriously though, why are you still up?

I hesitated telling him what’s bothering me at this time. Could he even understand? Would he even know what I was talking about?

I didn’t really know what I should do. I started this conversation to talk to someone about this, but now I was afraid that if I let this out, the issue could become bigger, and I didn’t really want that.

I didn’t want the unnecessary attention, or the probable ‘pity party’ that could come after telling.

| Adrian: Were you waiting for me all this time? 😏

Uhm. Okay, whoa there, Basketball Guy. Narcissist much?

| Avee: No.

| Avee: Dream on.

| Adrian: Challenge accepted, Miss Ko. 😉

I couldn’t help but giggle at how playful this guy was becoming. Could it be that his personality was slowly growing on me?

| Avee: Ha ha.

| Adrian: You hurt me, Ko. ☹️

| Avee: Sorry! I didn’t mean to!

| Adrian: Hahaha. 😆 You sure are a funny one, Ko. I was just kidding!

I scoffed as he tricked me into thinking he was offended by what I replied to him. How could a person be so mean? How could he be so sly and lie to me that quickly? For sure, this person was not to be trusted. He was a dangerous boy to engage with.

Mentally noting this fact, I replied to him with a simple,

| Avee: Okay.

The conversation soon died down when neither of us attempted to text for a while. The silence became a bit awkward as I didn’t really know what else to say or ask. We weren’t even friends, so what could I ask, right?

This made me double think if what I did was really the right thing. It started with an accident anyway. I didn’t really mean to text him.

But still, if it wasn’t for him, tonight might have ended up to be a bad memory for me. Accident or not, I was grateful that we had this awkward conversation.

A few minutes later, Adrian’s bubble turned into tiny animated ellipses, signifying that he was typing something.

| Adrian: Listen, Avelena. It’s getting pretty late and I was thinking of getting some shut eye now. Practice starts at 6. Do pray that my alarm will wake me up on time later! 😆 See you around?

| Avee: Okay. Bye.

| Adrian: Bayieee! *lazy salutes*

I thought to myself, smiling as I slid under my covers and dozed off to a dreamless sleep.