LOGINI stood in front of the house as my dad filled the car with my things and my mom kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other, her chaplet hung loosely around her neck, I had one but it was in the pocket of my jeans.
My mom was a core catholic, born, bred, married and infused, her beliefs were strong and so were mine, I believed in God, I mean who doesnt, I held my beliefs and dignity to heart always wanting my mothers pride above all else, it was just something I was taught and I took great pleasure in having it.
My mom would say this generation isnt half bad but its like God doesnt exist anymore, no one takes their time to say a prayer or even thank him for the day, its all about gadgets and parties, I wasnt the type to force my beliefs on people but I tried to do some right and say some right, the world needed a little light sometimes.
My dad didnt waste his time with goodbyes; he had better things or drinks to do, we didnt have any loving embrace or tear stained cheeks, just a weird pat and awkward push into the passenger seat, I rolled my eyes, real subtle dad
My mom pulled into the road and off we went, we were driving from Colorado to Ontario and it was going to take a couple of hours, I decided to shut my eyes for the rest of the way, I was so excited the night before so I had little or no sleep.
I slept for a while, the air conditioning in the car doing wonders to my body, soul and mind, I wasnt asleep but I wasnt awake either, I just stayed in that state for a while, it was peaceful and serene.
It wasnt for another hour that I finally opened my eyes, the drive was silent asides the low hum of the radio, I watched the trees and sometimes other cars wondering if they were all going to the same place as me.
Finally we pulled up in front of the University of Toronto, it lived up to my expectations, I stared in awe as we pulled into the parking lot, it was packed, I would have been embarrassed to be dropped off by my mom but honestly I needed to feel at home before I stepped into this foreign land.
The structure was majestic and the carvings divine, I'm sure my jaw was on the ground, I let my gaze wander before I helped my mom unload my stuff.
We walked into the majestic building and I got my slip, key to my dorm room, class schedules and all other necessities, I was supposed to attend a ceremony like thing that for the grand tour and all that blah-blah-blah, I cant remember any other thing from there, I just needed to get to my dorm and sleep for the rest of the session.
My mom and I successfully placed all my bags in the room, she fussed over me for a while, helped me arrange my things, cried and cried and then cried some more, we hugged for a long time, some hours before she left we prayed, we thanked God for his blessings and his grace for the day, we asked for mercy and appreciated him some more, I was smiling by the time we were done, I was so full with this spirit inside me, I thanked him once again for letting me know him.
Finally my mom left and I was all alone in this new world, I heard a few shuffles, footsteps, keys clinging, seems everyone was fitting themselves in, I wondered how everyone would be and what their characters were, I made up this and that and finally I had 5 imaginary gorgeous friends who probably never existed.
Time seemed to go slow over here, Ive been lying here for a while and I could swear four hours had passed but in real life it was just an hour, maybe it was because of my hyper thoughts but I couldn't stay still any longer so I did what I didnt know how to do best, I went out to explore.
The halls were awkwardly quiet but maybe thats because my footsteps were the only sounds filling my ears, I hoped I didnt pick the horror dorm, I didnt want nightmares, a shiver racked my body as I walked faster.
The sky looked different, maybe because it was like I was seeing it for the first time, my eyes couldn't capture the beauty enough, I walked on, past flowers and majestic buildings, past other people who were looking for their dorms, Jesus I hoped I didnt look this lost and out of place, I guess that look was going to hang around me for a while, you could smell the freshmen from a mile away and let me say the sad thing, I smelt the same way.
I walked past classrooms and glanced into various labs, I wanted to familiarize myself with the environment, I knew I wouldn't get up early enough to attend the ceremony on Friday so it was better I found my way now.
I walked till the sun begun to set, memorizing lanes and newly found hiding places, hugging trees, pfft, I'm just joking, but I touched the tree though, dont judge me, it was really beautiful, I memorized the routes I would need to use for the next few months of the semester, cafeterias, classrooms, labs, library, toilets, rooftops just to unwind and many others.
My legs were aching but in a good way, I walked back to my dorm, this time I heard a few chatter and saw a few people leave their rooms for ONCE, it must be nice to actually be accepted into the same school with your best friend or someone you know at least it takes the weirdness away, the thought of talking to someone tomorrow filled me with dread.
I was a social bird, I loved peoples company and mine was appreciated I think but the art of talking and making friends weren't my thing, I guess I would let whatever would happen just happen.
"Uhm are you going in or did you get lost?" A voice said right beside me
I almost shrieked but it came out as a silent scream.
"Jesus woman, do you want me to drop dead?" I turned to take a look at my almost killer.
"Y-o-u should have s-e-e-n your fa-c-e" the stranger said while trying and failing to hold in the laughter, I stood there silently watching this slightly crazy person, I couldn't help but laugh along, her laugh was so contagious and oh boy was she short, she barely got to my chest.
We laughed for a while earning some amused stares our ways, it took a while to calm down but eventually we did, the silence after was very comfortable, I would have loved to bathe in it but unfortunately I was really tired, so I decided to make a quick introduction before I slept right in front of this lovely door.
"Hey killer stranger, I'm katya nice to meet you" I said as I held my hand out.
"So polite I like that, I'm cherry by the way and nice to meet you" she said as we shook hands.
I giggled, I was really going to get along with this girl, she was my kind of hyper, we talked for a while, exchanged contacts, turned out her dorm was next to mine, she squealed like a little kid on Christmas and did a cute weird dance, I just kept laughing.
After she had fixed a date for tomorrow which consisted of her depriving me of my sleep so we could walk around town we finally parted ways, I unlocked my door and hung the key, my clothes came off next and finally this nice loving bed as I flopped down on it.
I guess my adventures were going to be fun after all.
**********
I hadn't even blinked for two seconds and someone was having a wrestling match with my door, I whined and covered my ears with a pillow hoping this intruder would let me be, after a while it got worse, I'm certain my door was seconds away from splitting open, I dragged myself out of bed and stomped to the door, someone was going to get it, I swung it open and I was left confused till I looked down at a hyper bundle of joy.
"Morning partner" cherry sang in an annoying morning voice.
"What do you want from me?" I grumbled, I hated waking up so early.
"Awwwwh come on, we have to walk around today, go get ready, I'll pick your clothes and wait for you here" she said skipping to my wardrobe, my eyes hurt just looking at this bright human.
I grumbled and lamented as I got myself ready, under twenty minutes I was up and ready for another round of exploring.
Today was Friday, last weekday before classes would commence so we were free to walk around town, we walked out of school and got a taxi to take us deeper into Ontario, this was my first time here and I wanted to know the magical places I could discover today.
Cherry chatted on and on and I returned the same energy, she had an adopted sister and she was accepted here too, they stayed together but her sister was in Paris and she wasnt coming back anytime soon, she was a bit of a wild child from what I learnt, I looked at cherry and tried to picture her wild, all the results came out cute so I gave up and prepared myself for the best surprise her sister could give me.
We walked past beautiful buildings and ate some of the best foods at some of the best restaurants around, we visited the hottest arcade centers and bought several video games, cherry never got tired, her happy streak didnt dim one bit, nothing seemed to stop her, we took a break in a park watching the day go by, pitching conversations here and there, laughing at funny passersby, eating a lot of junks food and basically goofing around.
*****
The halls were quiet when we got back, not creepy this time just the comfortable silence, the day hit both of us hard and even cherry couldnt stop yawning while rubbing her eyes like a little child, cute I tell you.
I hugged her goodbye while she squirmed around, she claimed she was looking for a comfortable position, I chuckled, this girl I tell you.
The room was finally feeling like home, I knew where what was, it was really calming, I kicked off my shoes and allowed this sweet lovely bed enfold me, tomorrow was Saturday so cherry must sleep right?, I would get to sleep as long as I liked without anyone trying to disturb my peace right?.
I'm sure I would
Once again I was wrong.
Classes had resumed full swing, I had little or no time for myself, the lecturers were brutal, if this was meant to be a dog fight, I would go back to my room in rags every day.Needless to say, this week wasn’t my week, devils time of the month had caught up to me then add to it this stress, I was beyond livid, I smiled for a certain amount of time each day, I never exceeded it, sometimes I just didn’t you know… smile.We were pushed to our limits every day, some days I didn't want to wake up, or think about the stress of the day, I felt I had no purpose in life when I did, I would dive straight into bed to wake up five minutes after.The cruelty of the world was no joke, couldn’t time slow the fuck down?I looked like a homeless person who got bitten by a zombie, my life held no spontaneous acts, I was trying to keep up with classes as it was, I couldn&rsq
Sitting in my low budget hotel room with my multi-millionaire girlfriend felt surreal, I stayed quiet while she animated her argument, using her hands, she exaggerated her point, one hundred and one reasons why she couldn’t make it yesterday.Listening to cherry’s excuses, doubt slowly crept into my heart, enveloped my mind and seized my body, there was so many excuses I doubted she knew she wasn’t keeping up.One went into another again and again, it began to sound like sweet lies, the tune perfectly played, I was beyond swayed, beyond saving.“Why are you lying to me?”With a shocked expression, she argued “Kat you know I've never lied to you amore mio, why would you think that?”“Where were you when I kept calling?”“I was at work, I couldn’t escape, I tried to cal-”“Bullshit
This scene felt all too familiar, staring at this unattractive ceiling, laying on this cold bed, surfing through the memories zooming in and out of my head, I retraced every road, redrew every line, unsaid every word but I was still in this plain room, I couldn’t retrace that.I woke up to my new reality, my chosen path, how did I feel? Thrilled but scared, what would I do? Live life as I wanted now, with who I wanted and how I desired to.I decided to call my mom later in the day, maybe she would want to meet up to hear me out, she would hear me out right? I might want to be free, desire to be loved and ready to be known but my family still is and would always be my family.The neighborhood was quiet and business like, no birds chirping, no neighbor screaming, I missed the little things but I wanted to be who I was, to live freely not as a FAG but as a person.I'd come a long way, fought so many battles,
The sendoff email was still fresh in my mail box when I hauled my ass to the bus station, cherry whined for thirty minutes before she let me go, some kisses half way in and I was fueled for the days ahead.My mom wanted to pick me up, I would have liked that but I tore off my freshmen skin for something, I needed to stay true to the pact I made, freshmen before, freshmen never again.I was sitting in a bus with an old man’s head on my shoulder listening to the melodic tunes of his snores, things we do for our promises.I stared out through the window as I listened to music, I enjoyed the view anytime I traveled or went on a road trip, I was a sucker for them.I chatted back and forth with cherry, rejected a video call because I didn’t trust her not to tease me, I needed a clear head and underwear for this journey no matter how much I loved her.The journey was over before I cou
The following week had me in a daze, I was just grateful we had a free week, our exams were over, we just had to party our freshmen skins off, tradition they said.I spent most of my time with cherry, I had basically moved in with her, I called it getting our lost moments back, cherry went out of her way all week, she spoilt me rotten, I did love the attention but money coming from her felt wrong.I loved her either way but I didn’t want her to think I wanted her money or feel obliged to buy me stuff, I made it a rule, if it wasn’t important don’t buy it, if it wasn’t needed don’t get it, in return if she did buy it I couldn’t whine about the price, we went back and forth, throwing rules, countering others.The more time I spent with cherry the less I did Ray and Asher, she didn’t like him and she made it known, she extended the dislike to Asher, she was just that petty.I tried several times in several ways t
I went back to ignoring cherry, avoiding her at every turn, I started hanging out with Ray more, he had a girlfriend now, her name was Asher, we called her archer just to get under her skin, she was really cute, dark skinned, short and crazy.They always hinted on a triad but my heart was elsewhere.I could feel Cherry's eyes everywhere I went, see who the stalker was now.She kept sending me messages, some sweet, some needy, she woke me up with romantic texts, left loving voicemails, tried to talk to me every day, I was flattered really but I didn’t need all the physical assurances, she broke our emotional bridge, no amount of flowers or chocolates could fix that.I went back to my former routine, classes, if I wanted to attend them, cafeteria, library, walk around campus, Ray’s room or mine.We had fun most times, we either talked about anime or played video games, I always won though, what c