Thirty Seven

She watched him sleep as the sunlight crept upon his skin. How much this man had changed her life, and how much she was going to miss him. She gathered herself, she swore she was going to keep it together for just a few more hours. She slowly got out of bed, put on her clothes, the last thing she wanted was to wake him up.

She took a pen and paper, "No farewell ... Love: Sandy" and put it on the pillow next to him. She climbed down the stairs and saw the suitcases, they were saying goodbye to her. She walked out the door to her cottage. She changed her clothes, packed up a few things in her backpack and left.

He woke up from the piercing sunlight upon his face. He jolted out of bed when he felt she wasn't next to him. Then he saw the note, he crumpled it in his hand, "Goddamn it, Sandy!" he cursed. He put on his pants and ran downstairs, he called out her name but no answer. He ran across the lawn to her cottage, called out her name, nothing.

"Fuck!!" he hit the wall with his palm. He called her mobile, it was turned off. He texted, not delivered. He sat on the porch shaken by her last cowardly act. He tried her cell phone again, it went straight to voice mail.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me, Sandy, I'll be leaving in two hours ... please don't let me go without seeing you, where are you, baby? Meet me at the airport in two hours?" he left the message hoping she would come to her senses and meet him at the airport.

His team came an hour early to take pick him up. He asked them to leave the motorbike at the cottage. They loaded his suitcases to the car and locked all the doors after a final scan of the property. They left the keys at Sandy's cottage. She hasn't come back.

John left her a letter on her dining table. He took one last look at the place, he was crumbling inside. The memories he had in that place will be cherished for the rest of his life. He zoned out, he didn't respond to anything anyone said to him. He looked out the window all the way to the airport.

He tried her cell again at the airport, it went to voice mail again. "Sandy ... I don't know what you're trying to gain with this ... vanishing act ...  but it's hurting me ... more than you could ever imagine ... I can't believe I have to go like this, what am I suppose to do now, baby? Why are you doing this to me?"

He waited until the very last minute, but she never showed up. His bodyguards were having a hard time trying to keep people away from crowding around him. "John ... it's time to go, man," Larry told him. He nodded reluctantly, and board the plane. He didn't say a single thing in the 24 hour flight to Algonia.

**********

The minute she left the cottage, she was a wreck. She cried her heart out at the beach, by herself. She turned off her cell phone and drowned in sorrow. The dreadful day had finally arrived and she couldn't handle herself. She tried her hardest not to look for him, not call him, destroyed in the pain of losing the one she'd been waiting for all her life.

"Oh ... God ... help me," she cried as she fell down on the sand. She hugged her folded legs and buried her face between her knees. She stayed there until afternoon and then went to Andrea's.

"Oh honey ... I'm so sorry," Andrea said when she opened the door and hugged her.

Sandy cried all day until she couldn't even speak. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, all she did was cry. "I love him, Andrea, I love him so much," was the only thing she managed to say.

There was nothing anyone can do but to let her pour her heart out. She didn't want to go home because it would made it worse. She stayed at Andrea's for three days and didn't turned on her phone. When she finally able to control her crying, she went back to her cottage and turned on her phone. There were dozens of messages from John, a reminder that her life was not really over even though it felt like it.

The first thing she found was the letter he had left her,

"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes

Because for those who love with heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation"

He quoted Rumi, her favorite poet. And it made her broke down and cry again.

She spent the night staring at the wall, tears streamed down her face every now and again. John was going back to his life, and she was drowning in a pool of tears, her life was once again falling apart. She received a link of a youtube post from Andrea with a text, "call him ... he looks as miserable as you are."

She clicked the link and it was a video of John when he arrived at the Algonia airport after he left Bhorma. It was a five minute video taken from the Paparazzi's camera and he looked absolutely devastated. The bodyguards were hauling away the cameras and the people who were waiting for him at the airport. There was no trace of smile on his face, he wasn't even looking at them. His eyes were hollow. People were screaming out his name and he didn't respond. He was hurting too.

She took the courage to listen to her messages, she missed his voice so much and after watching the video, something inside her wanted to know that he was okay.

"I can't stop thinking of you, baby ... I don't know what to do ... I wish I can talk to you, just hearing your voice would make me feel better ... I can't stop wondering if you're feeling the same way or are you partying with your friends ... (scoffed) ... it's like you're tearing out my chest and took my heart out and squeezing it in your hands, this is beyond cruel ... nothing ... no words, nothing ... I don't know if I should miss you or be angry with you ... please, Sandy ... I need to talk to you ... please ... (sniffed) ... pick up the phone, call me, anytime at all ..."

He left so many similar messages and she was struck with guilt. Not only she was hurting herself, she was hurting him too. She didn't know what to do either, it was the only way she knew how to deal with the situation. Listening to him hurting the way he did took it's toll on her. She decided to pack up her stuff and leave to her sanctuary in the suburb, the small dilapidated cabin by the cliff where she hides from the world.

She spent weeks there when she was recovering from her tragedy years before, and now she was seeking the same answers there. She meditated by the beach. Alone in the breeze, listened to the waves and the birds that seemed to be looking out for her. She watched the horizon as the sun was coming down. There is something magical about a person that wasn't there before but then when they meet each other, as if the world was not functioning the way it suppose to after they were gone.

She felt like someone was standing in the far side behind her. When she turned to look, it was the face that could make all her sorrow go away in an instant. Tall, dark and handsome. His beard and his messy hair, she couldn't believe her eyes.

"You’re back?"

He raised an eyebrow and shrugged it off. “I’m here,” he said.

"Why?"

“Because you’re here."

She was puzzled, didn’t know what to think about the fact that he was there at her most sacred place just to see her. She stood up to face him.

The wind blew his hair, he had a serious look on his face. “I have no idea why I’m here either ... I just want to be with you ... if you’ll have me,” the circle around his eyes told her that he hasn't been sleeping, just as she was.  He probably hadn't even got over his jet lag from the flight back to Algonia.

“I don’t know how we can work this out, but I want this to work ... God I swear ... if I ever wanted anything to work, I want us to work,” he looked deep in her eyes even though they were far away from each other.

Sandy walked over to him, her eyes were red and plumped from crying every day since he left. John saw it as she’s gotten closer, she looked the way he felt.

“Are you staying?” she sounded fragile.

“I’d like to think so ‘cause it was a freakin’ long flight,” he was able to joke.

Sandy blurt out a laugh, he can always made her laugh even though she was still sad, she was crying too but laughing. She held him tight just to be sure that she wasn’t imagining it. She felt his warmth and cried over how much she had missed it, she will never be able to let him go again.

“You’re going to break my heart John Brady ... I could die over you,” she said still trying to laugh behind her tears.

John touched her chin and turned her face to look at him, he wiped her tears with his palms. “We'll figure this out, Sandy, don't give up on us,” then he kissed her ever so gently.

"I'm sorry, I was so scared ... I didn't know what else to do,” she said.

"I know, I was scared too ... but I love you ... I'm not giving up that easily," he held her in his embrace.

She rested her head on his chest, "I love you, John."

And it was enough for them right that very moment. The love they felt for each other, the need to be together. They embraced by the splashing of the water, surrounded by the pristine beach and the sound of seagulls. Unattached to anything else but their own existence. In that very place, nothing else seemed to matter and it was okay. They were going to be alright.

**********