30. The pack is all that matters

I awoke inside my den snapping upright my head stared to spin as gentle hands started to push me down again.

"Easy now you used a lot of your power in that move today you'll be light headed for awhile."

I allowed Exon to push me back down as he grinned wide.

"Dam girl you almost had me with that one."

I laughed.

"Don't remind me. I'm glad I didn't hurt you."

He waved it off.

"I was perfectly safe why do you think Talieus was there? I tell you what though your wind is the strongest I've ever seen."

I chuckled.

"Too bad it's the only card up my sleeve."

"Don't worry I have every faith that you'll get your wolf form. I mean your a wolf in the vision so it must come back at some point."

I smiled sadly that's what I've been telling myself too. I stretched my sore muscles.

Oh well no use feeling sorry for myself if nothing the last three days has shown me if I want to get stronger I have to work for it.

"Raven?"

I smiled pulled out of my reverie.

"Sorry what were you saying."

He laughed.

"I said did you still want me to tell you about your parents?"

I nodded suddenly excited.

"Definitely."

"Well I will admit I don't know much about your father. since he left everyone in the pack considers the subject taboo, however I do know that he left the pack as soon as he shifted to become a bounty hunter. He only returned because your mother was his mate."

'No wonder they didn't find each other before then.'

'Indeed'

Exon continued.

"Your mother however I do know she was very beautiful or so my mum tells me. I guess that's why Tharon took such a liking to her. I know that while she was alpha she was kind some say too kind. She tried to keep the peace between the wild wolves and the city wolves as you know. She tried to change things too quickly."

It was nice hearing about my mother I once again regretted that I had never seen what she looks like. Wolves weren't one for taking photos so Tharon didn't have any not unless he hide them from us. 

"Sorry I cant tell you more."

I shook my head.

"It's fine I just wish I Remembered her even if it's just her smell just something that I could hold on to."

"I get what you mean I feel the same about my dad. He died in the same battle as your mum."

"I'm sorry Exon."

He shrugged.

"Don't worry about it I'm not like the others while it sucks I don't believe more violence will help anything. I like our life here it's peaceful it's carefree. We have each other and that's all that matters."

I smiled His words were beautiful and far beyond his years. If only all wolves thought like him then we wouldn't be facing this impending battle.

I yawned finally feeling the effects of sleep.

Exon stood up.

"I'll let you get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning talieus wants us to train together for the rest of the week. As long as you don't mind of course?"

I shook my head.

"Not at all I'd be happy to have you train with us besides if I pass I'll need to get used to fighting beside my pack anyway might as well start now."

Exon included his head.

"Good night Raven."

"Nite Exon."

Laying down I smiled to myself.

'Seems we've made a friend.'

'Let's just hope he's genuine.'

'Don't worry Caryi as an alpha I'll need to start weeding out who I can trust and who I can't and until I figure that out I won't let my guard down.'

'Good we've been through enough heart ache as it is.'

I closed my eyes welcoming the abyss of sleep.

'Raven!'

I snapped awake just as a hand came into my line of sight. Grabbing my attackers wrist I twisted while simultaneously rolling over on top of them my blade now at their throat.

My eyes widened as I looked into the eyes of my assailant. 

"Zeld!"

Growling he used my surprise as a distraction he rolled us both til he was the one on top my blade now in his hands.

I made to grab for my second blade but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. 

I summoned my wind but his wind forced mine away. I was still weakened from earlier so I had no hope of beating him. 

Scowling I avoided his eyes.

"You win."

I spat.

He frowned suddenly seeming hurt by the vehemence in my voice.

"I didn't come here because of the packs stupid game."

He was still on top of me my wrist and legs trapped.

"Then why did you attack me?!"

He growled.

"I didn't attack you I was just going to wake you but you attacked me so I defended myself."

Still not looking at him I growled.

"If that's true then let me go!"

"Not till you hear me out."

"Whats there to talk about Zeld I saw you I saw-"

He growled with frustration cutting me off.

"I know you saw me!"

I froze under him how could he have possibly known.

"I sensed you there."

"How?"

I whispered. His eyes went to my hand where he'd saved me from falling. My eyes widened at the implications.

"How is that possible?"

Still holding me his eyes shadowed.

"I don't know Rav maybe it is possible to have more then one mate."

I still couldn't look into his eyes for fear of what I'd find. 

"Rav look at me."

I shook my head, His haunted look from the caves flashed before my eyes. Seeing it from afar was one thing but seeing it up close... I couldn't handle that.

"Why won't you look at me? Do you hate the idea of being my mate that much?"

My eyes started to water as my emotions were in turmoil. I already faced the possibility of loosing one mate I couldn't handle a second turning against me. I remembered Keyon's words as he sort to use Zeld's love against me. 

"Rav please say something."

Slowly I faced him still avoiding his eyes as I whispered.

"I can't...."

I paused as I tried to blink back my tears.

"You can't what Rav you cant handle that fact that I'm in love with you! You can't face the fact that you might feel the same!"

The frustration in his voice tore at my heart.

"Why won't you look at me!"

How could the moon goddess be so cruel? To give me two mates only to take them away was the worse fate.

Zeld slowly let go of my wrists.

"You can't live in fear your whole life Rav sometimes you have to have faith that everything happens for a reason."

Zeld's words echoed Caryi's as he stood up leaving the den and me. I lay there unmoving the feel of him still tingling on my skin.

'Did you know this would happen?'

'I had a hunch.'

'You could have warned me.'

'Would you have believed me if I did?'

I slowly sat up.

'Why did you let him go?'

I faced the exit where Zeld had disappeared not answering.

'You can't hide it from me Raven I feel your love towards him.'

After holding them back for so long my tears finally fell.

'You have to choose one of them Small one.'

I wiped my eyes.

'How can you say that you know what's going to happen. Even now Ki's probably plotting against me and Zeld...."

I shook my head.

'It's only a matter of time til Zeld turns on me too. I can't afford to fall apart right now. I can't afford distractions, my main priority is the pack.'

Making up my mind I grabbed my bag.

'Raven don't do this!"

'I have to until I save my pack I can't think about love. Better to eliminate the possibility altogether.'

Finding what I needed I stripped off my jacket exposing my neck. 

'There's no going back from this Raven.'

'I don't care my pack is what matters.'

Holding my knife out I opened the jar from my bag full of wolfsbane. Tipping some on the blade I held it close to my neck. 

"I Raven reject Kianti alpha of the blue moon pack as my mate."

I pressed the blade to my mark. I held back my pain as the wolfsbane burned away the mark and with it my love for Ki. As all the feelings I had for him turned as cold as the ice that surrounded us.

I fell forward panting with the force of my loss.

'Raven!'

'One down one to go.'

Caryi growled her pain as much as mine.

'Raven please you already lost one mate don't make us loose the second.'

Determined I sat back up pouring more of the wolfsbane on the blade holding out my hand.

My hands shook as I struggled to hold the knife fighting the pain still coursing through my body.

Taking a breath I forced my hands steady.

"I Raven reject Zeldius-"

Hands came out of no where ripping the blade from my fingers the jar of wolfsbane spilling all over the floor.

"Raven! What the hell are you doing!"

"What I have to."

I pushed him away grabbing a handful of the wolfsbane that had spilt on the ground. The herb burning my hand as I finished the words.

"As my mate."

I pressed the wolfsbane on Zelds's mark my eyes meeting his for the first time tonight and my heart shattered as I realised what a monumental mistake I had made. His eyes looked into mine filled with all the love I was too afraid to admit I had, but it was too late to take it back as the love I only just realised I had for my best friend, my mate disappeared with the wolfsbane. 

This time my scream was deafening as my body was racked with excruciating pain. Zeld rushed to my side as I fell forwards shocked with what I had done.

Tears were in his eyes as he also felt the pain of my rejection. 

"What have you done?"

He whispered this time as he stared down into my eyes. My heart broke into a thousand pieces as it rebuilt itself into a shadow of what it was. 

"Now my pack is my mate they are all that matters."

He held me until the last on my bond to him disappeared. I knew that unless he rejected me too his feelings for me would remain the same, but that was his decision I had made mine.

Before he left He took one last look towards me as I lay on my furs my emotions blank as I stared back.

"If you expect me to reject you back I won't do it. I saw the look in your eyes the second before the wolfsbane took effect. I saw the regret as you realised your love for me was real. I don't care how long it takes I will find a way to reverse what you have just done. even if all i get is that one look of your love for me I will hold on to it for the rest of my life."

I remained silent as the pain in his eyes did nothing to my now empty heart.