Chapter 11: Awkward Situations

Alexis

“EARTH TO MISS Alexis.”

“H-hey, Miss Megan. I’m sorry—what were you saying again?”

Megan, a dashing co-teacher of mine pulls a chair and sits in front of me, making me see her heart-shaped face clearly. She’s wearing her hair into a bun and a light make-up is painted on her delicate face. Her full lips are glistening with a very red lipstick and I can’t help but be ashamed of my haggard appearance. Embarrassed, I pretend to arrange the papers on my desk and decide not to make eye contact with her.

“You just literally came from the outer space, miss,” she says, chuckling.

I heave a sigh. “I’m—I don’t feel well.”

She moves closer to me and gently clasps my hand. Her warmth immediately travels through my skin. “Come on, tell me.”

I look at her with hesitant eyes and curtly smile at her. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“There is. I can see it in your eyes.”

I lightly bite my lower lip as my fingers make little traces on Miss Megan’s hand. I’ve been working with her for almost a year now and she has become a good confidant. She knows who I am—and almost everything about me since I tell her almost everything. So I guess, there’s nothing wrong if I also tell her about MJ.

Megan is quiet for a moment when I finish telling her the whole story.

“So, this MJ,” she says, “—she’s your crush back in high school, and now she’s what? A fling?”

I bury my face on my palm. After what happened at her apartment, I have refused to talk to her, nor give her a call. And she’s not reaching out either.

“MJ and I haven’t been talking since that night,” I reply. “So basically, she’s not a fling.”

And besides, it’s been weeks already so definitely, maybe it was just nothing to her. Megan ponders for a moment. She rests her back on the chair and looks at me with that same prying eyes she’d usually cast to her misbehaving students.

“If that’s the case, what’s the sulking and the spacing out dramas all about? It occurs to me that that was just a one-night stand!”

I jolt. A one-night stand…

No matter how much I try to convince myself that what happened between the two of us was just a stupid mistake, sometimes I’d catch myself thinking about her. It’s no doubt that I miss her. It feels like I have given her a huge part of me and now I cannot take it back. It just left an ugly hole within me… even Gab couldn’t fill that hole—that emptiness I feel whenever I think of MJ and the things that could have happened if—.

“I-I think about her all the time,” I say in a small voice. “But I know it’s wrong.”

“Miss, look at me,” Megan says.

I give her a tired look but she gives me a sympathetic smile in return.

“You are just infatuated. And this infatuation is a result of the emotions you’d kept when you were growing up. MJ is a trigger. So do not let her be your mistake again. Don’t let a mistake push you to another mistake.”

I blow another deep sigh. “I know, Miss. It’s just—I just don’t know how to face Gab after what I did to him.”

I don’t know if he can manage to bear the intensity of my infidelity. Knowing Gab, he’ll break down and everything about him will fall apart. I should have thought of the consequences. He doesn’t deserve it. Thinking about that, I start to feel like crying.

“It’s okay, Miss,” says Megan, gently rubbing my back. “We all get to commit mistakes—we’re humans you know. We have that desire, wishful thinking, and dirty secret within us that only the shadows on our walls and God alone know. It’s normal. Forgive yourself—then move on.”

“Should I tell Gab?” I ask, sniffing as I feel my tears roll down my cheeks.

She falls silent for a moment.

“Relationship is built up on trust. But there are those things that we cannot just spill out. The choice is yours to make, Miss Alexis. You know him more than I do.” Megan goes to me and gives me a tight hug. Then she whispers, “But remember that what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

~~~

“Hi, honey.”

I turn around to see a smiling Gab walking towards my direction. He greets my co-teachers as he approaches us. My colleagues, on the other hand, nudge my side then starts teasing us.

“Sanaol may jowa!” they scream.

“You’re all crazy!” I reply, rolling my eyes. Then they all say their goodbyes as we’re already done for the day. Megan sends me a knowing look, then she winks at me as she goes inside her car.

Gab rushes to me and pulls me up. “I miss you,” he says, grunting as he puts me down on the ground again. I give him a peck on the lips, chuckling.

“Let me carry that bag of yours, ma’am.” He takes my shoulder bag and swings it on his arm. We walk towards the school gate, hand in hand.

“You surprised me, dear boyfriend,” I say, giggling.

We stop walking for a while and watch as Miss Megan drives ahead of us. She gives me a small wave and I acknowledge that by saying that I’d see her on Monday.

“Just wanna make it up to you,” he replies when Megan’s car has finally driven out of the school.

“Why?”

“I’ve been such a busy and inconsistent boyfriend to you these past months and I just realized that you don’t deserve that.”

“I—I understand—”

“Shh.”

Gab cuts me off with a kiss on the lips.

“Just let me be, okay?” he says pleadingly.

I look him in the eyes, sensing the sincerity in them. I force a smile as guilt starts to kick me in the gut. Megan was right. What Gab doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

“I love you, Alexis. I can’t lose you. I don’t know what I’ll do if I’d lose you.”

Hearing that, I throw myself to him and give him a tight embrace. I choke the guilt I’ve been feeling and burry it down on the darkest chamber of my heart. Gab shouldn’t know. I completely understand, by then, that he doesn’t deserve the pain that will inflict him. I should just forget my fantasies towards MJ and move on.

“Come on, I’ll drive you somewhere. I discovered this new restaurant and my friend told me that the food there is delicious,” Gab says gently dragging me to his motorcycle.

Gab excitedly hops on his vehicle and I watch him as he starts the engine. He looks so happy—so carefree, and I don’t have the right to ruin that. I smilingly get on the vehicle and snake my arms around Gab’s waist.

But then, in the corner of my eyes, I suddenly see a familiar figure, standing just across the school gate.

My heart starts to beat loudly and my stomach does a hundred back flips. The familiar figure takes off her sunglasses then stares at me with a blank face. My mouth hangs open when our eyes lock. Everything starts to freeze, even Gab’s excited voice has become muffled in my ears.

MJ casts me a crooked smile, hastily gets on her motorcycle then speeds away, never giving me another glance again.

I sit there, gawking and watching her retreating back. I’m suddenly stabbed by loneliness, guilt, and hopelessness.

God, what have I done?

xoxoPAxoxo