Wait, what's wrong with your eyes?

It was raining heavily outside already, the wind darkened my hair and scattered my skirt in all directions, and my dress in this chaotic weather, looked like from a fairy tale, from a mystical and mysterious fairy tale. I took my umbrella. And went straight away to the black Mercedes car, but soon I felt as my hand was grabbed by a strong, masculine arm and turned me straight to him. He was all wet and his gaze was begging. His hairs were a mess from the wind, but I liked that mess, it made him hot, and rain made him hot, everything around him was hot.

-“Matheia Snow. How long can you torture and punish me? He was using my full name when he was angry or when he was excited…But now he looked tired.

“-I just don’t want to be with you anymore.” The pleasure of his pain was feeding me with proud and confidence, I couldn’t stop I wanted to hurt him more. And his begging feeds me.

“-That’s a lie. I feel your heart how beats faster when I’m near you” He pulled me to himself and my chest touched his body. My breasts were rising up and down, from adrenaline.

“That video was the revenge of someone; I had told you earlier, but it's complicated. It’s from bad people. I didn’t sleep with her. I just try to protect you.” He holds me stronger than it needed, I think there will be bruises, from it.

All my body was covered with goosebumps as he spoke. His voice was calm but intense. It was hard not to believe him.

“-But you kissed and..” My memories began to make me sick. I wanted to puke from it.

 “You lied to me something, I didn’t know what was it but all the time I had that feeling…I knew that something… You all the time keeps secrets.” I still argued in the rain and wind… I shouted on him not only that he would hear me but also wanted to scream on him, I wanted to hit him and to push him from myself.

“-I have secrets and I can’t tell you it but I’m faithful to you. I always was, just please don’t give up in us, we can make it out.” ‘He didn’t let me go when I insisted with my movements to step back.

-“Fuck you, Kai, you said that before once”. I can’t believe I just said that, but my blood was boiling and I wanted to hurt him so bad and I saw the pain in his eyes. It made me feel good and at the same time I felt also the pain, but I had ignored it.. I pull over from him for a little space, but still enough close by him and smiled to him, my head turned to his ear and my lips were almost touching the corner of it.

“- I’m bored with you. Yes, sex is good but I’m just bored. So keep all your excuses because I am no longer interested in it. As you had said I’m too young, I should have gone live a full life, you were right then” ‘ As soon as my mouth left those words I regretted it.

His eyes darkened and his body tensed all his muscles grow bigger like he was ready himself on the fight. But he didn’t move just looked in my eyes he didn’t say any word to me. And intense silence between us came as all hour. I just look in his eyes full of pain, while the wind and rain were washing our bodies with darkness. 

“- If you leave now… I won’t stop you anymore. “ ‘He finally broke the silence. In these words, I knew that my words did more harm than I thought. But I just couldn’t take them back.. My heart was beating with tremendous speed. I forgot how to breathe. He left my hand.

And it looked that my soul left my body as if I were looking at us from somewhere from above. Just watching to myself how slowly I turn away from him and left him standing alone in the rain. Like a ghost, I was shouting for myself to stop and return to him but nobody could hear me…

I sat in my car and from the car’s back mirror I could still see him standing there waiting for me. I sat in my car without any movements for a moment, just looked at him. Tears came from my eyes my hand was shaking when I put my keys and started the car.

‘ I will be back everything will be ok I repeated for myself as always, everything will be ok. It’s just a little fight as one of the casuals, we will be fine…I tried to convince myself. But I knew that I crossed the line and the feeling was like I take my knife and put it to my heart.

For the last time, I looked up at the mirror on the windshield from which I could see my husband looking straight at me. That cold, bloodless waxy face you could only see when he was ready to go to work. He never talked about his other job.  Just put his black leather jacket took his bag sat on his motorcycle and left for a week sometimes for too. Maybe he even didn’t go to work as he said…But at that moment before leaving, he was with the same cold face without any emotion in it. He reminded me of an insensitive murderer from whom I was pushing away. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my hands trembled as I held the steering wheel. The uncontrollable force just pushed me away; I wanted to go back and hug him and tell him ... I can't even imagine what I would tell him now.

Well, I am no longer that weak, naive girl he first met in high school. I am a strong and confident woman now. And I truly do not lose this damn game which we are playing. He should be on his knees not me. Right? I wanted to scream so badly.

The storm grew quickly, and nothing could be seen during the rain, a few lightning illuminated the sky, but with each passing moment, they multiplied, scattering a dark red light in the clouds. Clouds looked like they were made of blood. My phone began to ring; it was on the back seat in my backpack. I took it from my bag and put it on the holder that I wouldn’t use my hand because to drive in this weather was so hard I almost didn’t see anything on the road only red apocalyptic sky. If anybody would run on the road I’m sure that I would hit that person. I was so stressful and my mind was in chaos. My body was as I would be the cactus and mine spikes would hurt only me. Like with any second it sticks to the skin deeper and deeper. My phone began to ring as panic began occupied my breathing…What if he will truly believe in that shit what I said, what if he will be tired of me?

“-Hey girl where are you? Are you guys having car sex or what? Do you know what time is it?” ‘Dominick was almost yelling at me with that annoying sound on his voice.

“-Dom. I’m so sorry. It’s just the weather. I can’t see anything.” I tried to speak calmly, but my voice was as I was running a marathon just a few seconds ago.

-“I only one thing can’t see it’s your ass, by my side. Hey, Maia, take your camera on, I can’t see you.

“ Hey girl Is everything ok? “ ‘He looked with concern from his green eyes when I pushed the button to make the camera on.

“-Dom?” I wasn’t looking to him just to the road but could hear many people talking behind his back. Someone said that somebody stole scissors, and I thought that Dominic somehow is connected with that, but I just shake my head from this thinking.

“-Yah I’m here what happened Matheia?” Now he looked confused. He went out of the crowd to somewhere silent and calm. He took one cigarette from the pack and lit a fire until the wind made his action difficult. But his one hand with his long fingers hid fire from the raging wind. And smokes from his nose and mouth started to show in my screen.

“-Dom. What do you think about me?” I bit my lower lip, while waited for his answer.

“-What? From where that came? Matheia where is Kai? Is everything ok?” He tensed and sit down somewhere on the ground, his back hit the wall. His gaze never went somewhere else even if I heard that two girls were fighting, behind him, but their fight wasn’t interesting to him.

“-Am I looking weak, a boring mouse with no self-respect, and it’s just easy by using me?” I squeezed the wheel. And my hands began to burn from my movement.

-“Is that one of those questions why you love me or am I fat?” He rolled his eyes.” Wait, what? Are you serious?” He put off a cigarette he had just started smoking. And he looked at me with his serious gaze. With disbelief what I’m truly asking.

“Noooo,” ‘His no was too long, for me, but it makes me clearly understand that he was very serious, he also was looking my reaction very suspicious, those men want really to know what I’m thinking, their gazes are like devils, who know all your secrets.

Listen, women, very carefully you are the most colourful person who I had met, you are clumsy and absent-minded women, and I love it because with you is never boring, but you don’t show your colours to everyone…Yes you sometimes are naive, because your heart is like a child and I love it,  you just don’t have any armour you know you just so sweet so sometimes people can hurt you and you are very sensitive and sometimes I don’t know….maybe lost, but you are not self-respect less. Understood me?” ’ He said it a little bit too loud like he would be angry at me. He didn’t wait for my answer as add … with his raised eyebrow.

 “And now you are scaring me. Sunshine what happened again? What he did again?” Dominick brushed with his long like alien fingers through his blue hairs.

“-Ummm nothing I'm good. It’s not what he did but what I had said’ I sighed and breathed the words heavily, some tears rolled my eyes and I just swallow that heavy saliva.

I'm just remembered what Emma said to me you know that I'm worthless with no character, like a grey mouse, and Kai is just playing with me and.. “ ‘ He didn’t let me explain to him. All the time someone cut my words. Is everyone in agreement to do that?

“- Oh my god Maia, she was the snake the fucking snake, I don’t understand how you remember what she said to you seven years ago? She manipulated you and just had huge power on you and even now I don’t understand how you can think about her and what had she said. And for fuck sake don’t say me you are good when you not”. ‘He showed his finger to me with anger.

“I’m scared Maya, please drive carefully”.’ He really looked concerned and I’ve appreciated his friendship but for now, I didn’t want to talk with anybody especially with people who I love the most I’m afraid to hurt Dominick cause I felt as I want to scream on him, to anybody who is on my way and it is not his fault. I’m just afraid to lose him too.

“What did you said to him?” He was waiting for the answer with his serious gaze and sexy face, he was so beautiful and tall and thin that all the time I said to him be as a model not as an artist on makeup, all girls and boys wanted to be with him but he was too proud. He was an alone wolf, he said that he want a person who will be strong and smart and worse than he is… It’s mine, Dominick. I love that pompous smartass.

“-I’m ok Dominick. Just forget!” ’ I felt as all emotions were like a hurricane in my head and in heart, they all had mixed.

“-Nooooo. You are not ooook. Ok? What are you thinking? For real, do you believe that you can full me? Bitch I'm your best friend, not your grandmother or grandfather or whatever”… He was gesturing with his arms in the air.

“You are not good Matheia your mascara is under your lashes and you look pale as a zombie. And fuck you, you do makeup even better than me and now it’s a mess and we don’t have time to fix it. Shame on me(more gestures) I must take my shit better if I want my skills would give me money.  Shit sorry, I'm talking nonsense while  you…cryin and I …shit… And your eyes are red from tears. Wait…what was that…Hey, can you look at me for a little bit? Matheia?” ’ He was concerned, but I just didn’t talk with anybody anymore. And I sighed with anger.

“-Dom I'm not in the mood for your jokes now, I barely see where I'm driving now. “ ‘The screen began to script. His face was moving then stopped than again moving; from his nice light blue eyes with huge glasses in black frames, I could see his concern. He brushed with a hand through his blue hair again, he was stressing out now. Ant that movement stopped in the screen, while I only could hear his voice

“-Dom, are you hearing me?”’ I didn’t want to end our conversation like this, again I screwed all things when he just tried to help me and I was a cold bitch to him.

“-Matheia? What's wrong with your eyes?” Still, it’s the dark screen.

“- Ok, it's not rain, its Kai… “ ‘ I finally confessed, while a little bit it was showed his big eyes on the screen.

“-No… look… yo…r..  ...e…yes… ar..glow…i.n..g     o..r..an…ge..”

“- What? Fuck! Argggh..” ‘ The lightning just hit into a tree which was barely from my car. I pushed with my entire straight accelerator and a brake pedal at the same time. The clouds were insane like they did some cupola or huge mushroom in the sky I have never seen that in my life. I couldn’t see my Dominick at the screen now the video call was off.

My hands were like pliers hooked to the steering wheel and they could not be torn from the steering wheel in any way. My eyes pierced with terror kept looking through the windshield at the abundance of lightning, soon as I attached even more to the windshield window, in disbelief of the strange phenomenon of nature. The clouds in the sky were dark red and brightened with each flash.

When I opened the door of the car, I just had to immortalize it all, such a dangerous, but extremely enchanting and seductive beauty. No one would believe in me, in what I see now.

Full of adrenaline and fear, I picked up my little backpack, put it on one shoulder, and started filming a chaotic sky with my phone.

The sky was ruled by the chaos of indescribable beauty and I was fascinated by it indescribably. I got out of the car, leaving the door open due to danger, to sit again where it was safe if I need to do it quickly. I looked up at the sky stretching the phone in using my camera. , I couldn't react when lightning struck my body one after the other. I even don’t know how many knives of fire pierced my whole body.

 I could see nothing more than the dazzling whiteness. Could not hear or feel, not even breath. The white light was frightening. I have never longed before that I would be overwhelmed by any darkness or any shadow.  It was so bright that it seemed to me that somebody had torn my eyes and threw them into the sun, but even it would not have been so dazzlingly white. I wanted to see something, anything, but there was a feeling that I would be imprisoned on ice. My body seemed to freeze and catch the fire at the same time. It felt as this state would last forever, although it lasted only a few seconds. Slowly dazzling light fades, revealing a brighter image. The colours of the environment around me melded together, which hurt my eyes and gave me a headache. Or maybe the piercing headache was the onset of tinnitus in the once deaf ears, shrouded in deadly silence. That inhuman sound, between squeak and squeal at the same time.