Because He Loves Y*u

God please, this is a boarding school. I can't possibly tarnish a holy place like this with immoral deeds - even though it's not true like that either. That sacred claim is only according to humans, right? What does God say?

But I at least know myself, I can't do things beyond my limits. I understand customs and norms. I can't pollute the boarding school with the shame I did.

Okay fine. I'll try to avoid it. I can't be like this. I can't be someone who just favors lust. I have to use logic and common sense and not be fooled by Satan's seduction --so 'is it holy, am I? But that's what's going on in my brain right now. For those of you who have lived in pesantren will probably know what it's like.

I also focused on my Safinah book study. Now, ustaz is talking about the signs of puberty for men and women. There are three characteristics of this balig. I nodded to hear the cleric's explanation. Hmm ... I see. I just understand and understand.

In studying yellow books like Safinah, there is such a thing as 'ngalogat'. This term means that in the yellow book, you have to give a translation according to the dictation sent by the ustaz. The problem in ngalogat is, I'm often really late and behind. The reason is very simple, namely the space for giving the translation is small while my Latin writing is quite large. I'm not good at making abbreviations that speed up translation with the Arabic letter symbols. Anyway, it's all complicated!

Sometimes if I say the word is really long, I even fall asleep. Then I just woke up right when the explanation part of the ustaz. Meanwhile, what happened to my friends was the opposite. They will wake up when I chant, while falling asleep when I explain Ah, seriously! I actually prefer to listen to the explanations I keep writing in a special book. It turns out that in this way, it will prove that my special notes will be more useful later. Because before the yellow book exam, while my friends were busy opening the yellow book, I just had to read my notes. And in this way, it's even easier for me to do the exam. Good value for me too, at the end. My lips spread wide to accept this fact because I apparently chose the right way to study the yellow book in class.

The name of the ustaz of this book study is Pak Septi. He taught quite well. The Arabic script is always good. The marke cut in such a way as to make good khat on the board. Literally, it's not hot. But khat. Khot is a science of how to write Arabic letters in a variety of ways and characters. Yes, Arabic writing, yes, that is in simple language, khat we know as calligraphy. Khat itself has various types. There are naskhi words, diwanii khat, eh ... what's more, I don't really memorize it either. The reason is because I really don't like it (plus I can't) either same these subjects. So, that's my simple explanation of this khat subject.

Eh, by the way… this is okay, am I telling you about the world of pesantren? Who knows, when you read, there are those who are interested in entering the pesantren or entering their children at the pesantren - regardless of what happened to me, because I once again emphasize that this story could only have happened to me and didn't happen in other pesantren. I really hope that some of you are interested in entering Islamic boarding schools and live a very good life without any temptation there.

So ... back to the discussion of the Safinah lesson taught by Ustaz Septi in my hut, this book is a book that generally studies basic fiqh. This fiqh knowledge is useful as a guide for us to do daily worship. In this book, certain provisions are explained, such as terms, harmonious, obligatory, lawful, haram, and so on. Anyway, it's fun. The thing is every time I listen to Ustaz Septi's explanation, I also like to casually ask whatever I want. The other Wong is sleeping, right? So I took the opportunity to ask me if there was something I didn't understand clearly. The point is, I am happy with this subject.

Until it is not felt, the jaros resting zuhr sounds. In the past, when I went to vocational high school, I could immediately go home after praying, now not anymore. Because my school arrived at 3 in the afternoon. So take a break twice. At half past ten this morning until ten o'clock sharp. Then it continued from twelve to one o'clock in the afternoon. Why is it taking longer on my second break? Because, the rest schedule this time is a schedule of breaks for prayer which is coupled with lunch. We often call it ishoma.

At lunch this time, I will automatically queue again like this morning. And my little wish is ... I don't need a plate together anymore, it's a strange creature. That's all!

However, Arif actually appeared again and walked behind me. I deliberately stopped, intending to invite him first. Eh, he stopped too. "What the hell are you following me on?" Annoyed, I finally went towards him.

"We're just one hujroh. PD I really follow you." He stuck out his tongue. Uh, it's true, what did he say. But…

"Maa syi'ta!" I said rather loudly in the end. Trying to release my stifled anger.

Yes. If I speak in Arabic or English, I will speak a little loudly. But if I use Indonesian, I have to refrain from speaking slowly. Because I was afraid of being caught by Qismul Lughoh13. If caught, beuh, I'll be punished. And I'm lazy to get punished by Qismul lugoh

this. So the tips and tricks are just that

hindarin punishment. I have to speak slowly, if I want to say bi duunil lughoh (without official language).

I kept walking into the hujroh. Don't care about Arif anymore. I'm tired of lingering with him. Until the front of the cupboard, I put my textbooks from morning to afternoon, then I replaced the contents with my eyes the rest of the lessons from noon till evening into my bag. Usually there are only one to two lessons left.

13 Parts driving language. This section is one part of the student organization that manages and makes rules regarding language in the cottage. My cottage must use two official languages, Arabic and English. So there must be a maintenance section so that the use of this language is carried out smoothly and orderly on a daily basis.

After I put it in, I got ready to change into Muslim clothes. And of course you have to wear gloves, you can't wear pants at all. Especially school pants. Because if you are caught wearing your pants when you pray, you will be summoned and sentenced to Qismul Amn14 this afternoon. Your names will be recorded and then summoned to the court to be punished. Hi, scary. Uh, but it's more like being lazy, it's actually being called out like that.

Court? Yep! It's not really scary. Court is just a term. So the explanation about the court is like this:

Later in the afternoon, after asar, usually after wiridan, the children are not allowed to disband first. Qismul 'ilan15 will usually announce people who break the rules every day. Usually, the violation generally consists of three things: from the security side, the cleanliness side and the language side.

People who violate will be punished according to the provisions of each section. Punishments vary. The point is to let the 'perpetrator' be deterred. And the penalty is adjusted according to the number of points that have been

'Gathered' the offender. So if you've been penalized, your name will be recorded and given points. Usually at the top of the points, the punishment is the same. You will keep on displaying it with the embarrassing writing that you hold in front of the mar'ah (girl). Not literally front, though. Anyway, in a place where Mar'ah will pass and you can see you who are bald are constantly given embarrassing writing. Uh! I promise to myself that I will never want to be punished like that in my entire life here.

14 Security section. This section is also part of the student organization that runs at the lodge. The security section functions to take care of licensing and public order at the lodge. In summary, the security section serves to enforce order and rules in the cottage environment

15 Information section. This section is assigned to inform things about pesantrenan. The function that is often seen by students is more towards providing information about pesantrenan including making announcements about al-mutajawwij (offenders) people who break the rules every day. Usually, the violation generally consists of three things: from the security side, the cleanliness side and the language side.

Back to my story, in short, I was already at the mosque. I've taken ablution and sat in the middle row. Shaf three is approx. I'm not really ambitious to sit in front of me - except in class.

I also usually take Kuteb16 with me. Well, this kuteb usually I will make a place to confide in while I am dumbstruck. Right, instead of just being dumbfounded, I'd better fill it with my remarks. Actually, the function of this kuteb is supposed to be a mufrodat, but I am misusing the function of this kuteb. Because in reality, I clearly prefer to confide in a nail that has changed its function to a diary rather than writing a mufrodat.

Azan reverberated. After the call to prayer, I prayed two cycles of prayer rowatib qobla zuhur17. Usually, after the prayer, the circumcision takes a long time, because the other children usually like to go to the mosque easily. So I filled my curd with words.

16 A little book that should be filled with vocabularies, but I instead filled it with my remarks. Ha ha.

17 The circumcision prayer before the obligatory prayers, including the circumcision prayer

before noon, asar, sunset, dawn and isha. Meanwhile, the circumcision prayer after the obligatory prayer (commonly called the sunat ba'da prayer) consists of the circumcision prayer after noon, sunset and evening only.

Dear diary.

Arif why? How could he be like that? I love kissing my cheek suddenly, inviting me to take a shower together, then even ask to date again. Where's his brain? My feelings are never even close to him. I wonder why? The Universe ... You there can answer me why?

My writing is quite short, because ikamah has already reverberated. I groomed my nail on the prayer mat, and got ready to stand up to pray. I pray calmly.

After that, I and the other students did dhikr for a while until finally we were allowed to leave the mosque. There are types of students who rush out after the dhikr because they are getting ready to go to class again. There are also types who like to relax, relax in mosques, and often fall asleep. Just when the jaros sounded, they were busy running around. Usually people like this this afternoon will be summoned to the court by Qismul Amn.

I folded my prayer mat quietly and took a leisurely stroll to the rain. I immediately changed clothes. It's still 12:20 p.m., I can drink for a while. Huah, quite refreshing and calming.

I also prepared the plate this morning. Suddenly Arif's head popped out and his body stood beside me. He said, "Dude, can you eat together again?"

"Just say you don't have a plate!" I stopped. Answering brief and modest.

"Hehe. Yes. But eating together with you tastes better, bro."

"Halah, faqot (only) reason!"

"Seriously bebb. Do you want it? " 

"Why you keep callin me beb? Who do you think you are, Arif?" 

"I am yours and you're mine." He squinted an eye.

Same shit happen again, dude! I was embarrassed and immediately left without caring. I continued to walk towards the soup kitchen, without the slightest feeling of paying attention to her presence around me. But he kept walking, trying to keep up with me. I immediately stood in the queue as usual, waiting for my turn to get food. But he immediately grabbed the plate.

"A'tinii ..."

(Give it to me!) "Laa ahtaj." (No need ..)

"Kholas. Intadzir hunaaka!" He said, pointing to a seat on the edge of the maqsof. Not a kind of seat

I see. More like a suburban place that is used to sit. I saw that he was standing directly in the queue, refusing further debate with me.

(Alright. Just wait there)

Like a buffalo with the nose, I finally complied. I sat at the place he ordered.

Universe .. what's wrong with me? How can I just obey people like him?

I daydream and think about all the things that have happened to me all day. It feels like a dream. I never expected, to enter here and have a gay partner. Especially in Islamic boarding schools, a place which for many people is a holy place, a place to study religion. I have no intention of tarnishing a place like this.

I was so absorbed in daydreaming about many things, I didn't realize that he was sitting beside me.

"Maa tatakhoyyal? Hayya nakul."

(Hey, what are you daydreaming about? Let's eat!)

I didn't answer. Just nod and follow him. We go back to class this morning. We sit down and eat together again. But this time I remember him to wash his hands first. He obeyed.

We eat quietly. He doesn't talk much. Every now and then he stopped and was busy staring at me. I don't pay attention. I focus on eating.

After eating, my watch shows it's 12.40. There is still time. So I can go to hujroh first and then put the plate down.

"Rul .."

"Madzaa .." I said while continuing to walk towards hujroh.

"Ana uhibbu ilaik." (I love you)

"Tsumma? Musykilah lii?" (So? Problems for me?) "Laa. Anta ta'rif, I'm grateful"

(No. I just want you to know.) "Okay. Araseo19 .."

"Hah?" He doesn't understand. Yes yes. I like to say that sometimes I speak Korean. Because I often heard from my vocational school friends.

"Forget it!" I said while speeding up my steps.

I hurried to put the plate and take my bag. I went straight to class. Arriving at class, I was daydreaming again.

Universe... How come I was excited when he said love?

Ah yes, I thought about Tama. I forgot to ask him why he moved benches. As per me, I don't have any problem with him. I immediately looked for Tama in class. And luckily he's already in class, sitting behind the place that Arif usually occupies.

"Tam .. why did you move?" I asked directly when I was near him.

"Asked by Arif, Rul .." he replied without preamble

stale.

"So what? Why do you do that? Can you refuse? "

"He said he loved you. That's why he want to exchange a bench with me. "

The kids who heard (although not many) suddenly turned to the two of us. They immediately surrounded us curious.

"Who is in love?" Investigate some of them curiously.

I immediately froze. I lost control. What the heck is Arif so dare to say to Tama like that? They kept pushing and asking questions. While I did not budge. Finally, Tama became the target of the ferocity of their ignorance.

Universe ... Can Arif disappear right now? Or me. I'm embarrassed ...