Chapter 33

I won - Future 🎶

I know i am not concentrated on the research and assignments i am doing.

It has literally been three hours since i got here with Tony and i am still on the second question from the assignment. I decide to plug in my ear phone and get carried away by music. I lay my head on the oversized circular desk and close my eyes.

I don’t think I’ll fall asleep though since my entire soul has gotten deep in the ocean of this sad song. 

I think i miss Drew but i slap back that thought.

It occurs again to me that i am lying and deceiving myself. No matter how furious and angry i feel towards him right now, the fact remains that there’s an attraction between us that i cannot lay hands on just now.

I raise the volume up of my phone...to forget everything around me.

Sometimes, i wouldnt mind to be less important but only Drew should understand that i don’t understand myself anymore.

Why did he have to let me down?

Flashes of the time he looked up at me before pulling my panties down pops in my head. And for that moment my heart stopped and right now, it feels like my stomach stirred up again.

You can imagine...seeing him in person had impact on me already...

But visioning our moments made my heart feel like a star about to explode.

Memorizing our moments was as easy as reading the lyrics of a new song.

But i miss him...and trying to forget him is pointless...just like trying to know someone you never met.

It all looks grey unlike closing your eyes to welcome and embrace darkness with no tint of light.

A few minutes later, i feel someone gently patting my back.

“Tony?”

He shrugs.

“We can leave now...” he says in a form of a question 

“Oh noo...if you’re done then we’ll leave..” i interject

“I insist.....” he tells me

I remain silent not sure of what to say next.

Considering my options, leaving now would mean returning to the girls in the hostel and they’ll surely have a way to tag me along for night class. And you know what that means...Drew..capital n-o to that...in no fucking way was i ready to meet him just yet. Infact, i plan on avoiding him the whole week.

  

I should be able to live for myself without seeking love or acceptance from anyone and it shouldn’t feel painful or make me empty. I would rather work on myself and prioritize myself.

Did i just say love?

What! My head...how...what am I thinking...love?

I am astonished but laugh to myself in an annoyed manner.

My other option would be spending some more time with Tony...like we can actually go somewhere and talk for a bit...

And since my assignments are not due till next week...profit is on me.

“We could uhhmmm...go somehwere...you know??” I say looking at him. 

I expect him to say no...because obviously he’s a book worm and wouldn’t be interested in anything that doesn’t pertain to studies i guess.

“Where do you want to go?” 

“Anywhere to eat and receive fresh air but the cafeteria..” I answer instantly and look at him.

He doesnt laugh nor smile nor scowl...

He simply nods.

I am not satisfied with that, “or dont worry..i dont mean to disturb. I’ll just walk back to the hostel and figure shit out”

“I know of a place off campus... it’s more like a mama put..” he says with a raised brow

“Yes! Yes! Thank you” I’m excited

At least now i dont have a reason to add to my worries.

We pack up our notes and text books and leave for where he is taking me.

The atmosphere is cool and soothing.

The sun has gone down by now..and it is what..already five thirty six pm.

“Hey Tony..” i look at him

He turns his attention to my side 

“Dont you feel your life is boring at all?” 

The words leave my mouth before i can even think of them.

My hands lead themself to cover up my mouth but the deed has already been done.

He pouts and then lets out a deep laughter

I was hoping he didnt hear me but now that he already has..i dont seem to pinpoint the cause of the laugh

“I mean I’m sorry though..but it’s just an honest question anyway”

I’m quite embarrassed.

“I dont think my life is boring or maybe it is actually...”

I keep on looking at him, then he continues 

“My career makes work load bulky for me so i dont really have time for outings, chatting and all of those social activities..”

“So you’ve never been drunk?” I ask

“No time....”

I’m amazed at how a guy this built would have never tried out anything i felt i was lagging behind at.

Life keeps getting interesting and you keep knowing more.

“You weren’t really yourself in the library” he tells me

I nod in agreement to that but dont wish to share..

“I dont want to talk about it”

“I wasn’t even going to bother you about that...” he laughs

“I just want to be by myself...so I thought i should spend some time with someone neutral..”

He scoffs.

I hope that didnt sound mean but it’s the truth.

“I know i am usually blunt but i drop whatever i have to say anyways..”

“It is completely alright to be kind to yourself...and sleep extra hours, watch your favourite movies, spend longer time in the shower because you are fragile and indespensable and deserve to love yourself...”