Chapter 14

Surprisingly, as I stepped closer to Nelle it turned out to be my imagination on overdrive since their was no one standing beside her, so I went ahead cleaned her stall, cleaned her hooves, and gave her a nice clean bath as I did Data, Honey, and Lulu the same to make sure they were all ready for their runs around the yard. Hay bales were usually spread around the yard for them when I would make sure they eat so that way I could clean the stalls it made everything so much easier on sunny days. It began getting dark as I made my way back inside though I stopped seeing sights of Sarah so it helped me smile and relax at least her voice is also silent. I looked around at my home once reaching the porch as I saw Natalie finally able to bring her car up the driveway after weeks of it not running. I went inside finally to make steak, potatoes, corn and bread with a big batch of salad. Serving for two to three wasn’t as bad as serving for six though their is usually friends who come unannounced and I am lucky to make extra.

“I am glad to see you back in the kitchen and in the barn again with your horses.” Natalie said as she sat at the table.

“Sweetheart, I may have down days but doesn’t mean I forget my animals or my love for cooking. I am glad Sarah has finally left though it has brought peace back.” I replied peeling potatoes.

“Have you ever been diagnosed with Schizophrenia?” Natalie asked.

“No, and why would I be diagnosed with a word I can’t pronounce?” I replied grabbing a bowl to mash the potatoes while stirring the gravy.

“I am assuming that you may have it according to my research but I would rather have a doctor check to be sure. Could explain why you have problems with day to day things and you go through numbness on not remembering because your thoughts are consumed with someone not here. Like I said I am not a doctor but I would highly recommend going back.” Natalie responded by clenching her hands tightly together.

I wanted to storm out of that kitchen so badly because I didn’t want to hear that I have another diagnosis that is causing problems with my day to day life. That is when I felt Natalie put her arms around my waist even though I am a big woman, she gave me a tight hug and then began helping me with the rest of dinner.

“Thank you.” I said to her,

“For?” Natalie replied looking at me.

“Giving me a hug and not giving up on me because I am not here mentally.” I responded.

“I may come from a bad marriage but doesn’t mean I can’t love you any less. I want us to try and compromise more. We didn’t meet at random for nothing. I want you to be able to talk to me and let me get you help for anything that bothers you. I may be a city woman but I do know when someone needs to go beyond themselves for help. Amber, I came back because I couldn’t stand being away from you and I had major problems with my family accepting of you though they were capable of accepting my divorce from Aaron. It is weird how all this panned out.” Natalie went on and on describing everything that went down but I loved hearing her voice.

We finished up dinner together than our conversation went on calmly like nothing happened between myself and Sarah. Natalie made so many faces during our talk that I never felt closer to be around her even Sarah wasn’t that bright and full of laughter that would make everything go smooth. We both cleaned off dinner together and then went to the upstairs bedroom, both showered together which made an interesting fun time especially making out and exploring one another body but we didn’t make love it seemed to close of comfort for any of us. After the shower, we cuddled naked in the bed and still enjoyed talking plus sharing more kisses.

“Natalie, we barely know each other but I feel like we are moving in the right direction especially since you came back. I have to know though why do you love me knowing I am bat shit crazy?” I asked knowing that would lead to a big explanation from her.

“I don’t care that you are bat shit crazy and your ex haunts you, hell, mine probably would too. You accepted me when my husband doesn’t, he is the reason I went on diets and to the gym. My business that I owned in New York failed because my marriage was a big failure when he would abuse me every chance he got. You didn’t care that I put on weight or that I had a man in my life. You love me for who I am not what I am.” Natalie replied.

I kissed her knuckles with my lips and then kissed her softly once more.

“I have never imagined being in love again but you light my whole world, no matter how much I struggle. I do love you and I am still scared of what could happen between us.” I responded by biting my lip.

“We will cross that road when we get there as of right now, if you love me, you will let me take you to the doctor to get a proper diagnosis on what is going on with you.” Natalie replied with a bit of force.

That is when I knew the conversation had to end. I will not let her get this over me on seeing another doctor to keep diagnosing me with problems that I don’t need to face at this moment. I looked away from her and stared outside my window seeing Nelle looking back at me. I decided to climb out of bed, walking away from Natalie leaving her on the bed as I went downstairs without a care of being naked in front of Sheila if she came down from the upstairs herself in her own room. I didn’t dare take a chance of being told to go to a doctor over something that I can control on my own.