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13. INSOMNIA
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2020-10-30 13:32:53The love and care for my sister made every small thing related to her engagement, very important. Till night, we kept everything in its place safe, well enough to make it a lavish engagement. After going to bed, I imagined every minor cut of my sweetheart’s body while they operated her. Every time I imagined her cuts and it gave me goosebumps. Only by thinking about an operation, my mind got a severe headache. I compared my mental pain with her physical pain and got to know what she was going through.
It was the longest night of my life. The toughest and deadliest. I worried about how she will face everything. She is so innocent how she will bear such pain. She had never gone through a simple stitch in her life and suddenly such an extensive surgery.
I drowned and my mind was overflowing with pain. I sensed my sweetheart screaming in hospital. My heart was in my mouth. Whole night I waited for our clock to knock five. Wide-awake entire night, I got up and hardly took a few minutes to get myself fresh.
At 5.50 am, I was outside the hospital and called aunty. She came and took me towards her room. Serious and sad faces gazed at us as we walked in. I stepped in the hospital and a strange feeling knocked my mind. Every step made me breathe rapidly and my heartbeats pumped faster.
Third-floor room number six, I was standing outside her room. I lost all my energy in vain. My legs vibrated because of lack of strength. I lacked confidence to open the door.
I suggested aunty to go first. She opened the door and there my love was.
Tears flowing from her eyes, dress having a spot of blood, bedsheets wet with blood. Pillow soaking all her tears. It was blood everywhere, from her bed to my chest. I couldn’t stop my tears, but I pretend to be brave and tried to give strength to my sweetheart. She stared at me with a painful smile. Still ready to be with me and to bear every pain I gave her. Her smile almost killed me. Even after so much pain, she gave me the smile which I used to die for. Her smile proved how brave she was, but she never highlighted. I decided after her smile, to wipe out every single pain of her life. I promised myself to make my world beautiful only for Nisha. I wanted to hug her tight. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for her. I ignored her when she needed me the most. To make her believe we were with her and she will be all right, I pretended to be brave. I wanted to take all her pain. How can God be so cruel, giving such pain to someone so innocent?
“How are you?” I asked a question I never wanted to ask her, as I knew how much pain I have given to her.
She smiled again and pressed her eyelids down, and opened her eyes. Even in such condition she was fine and still loved me in the same way. So much unfair happened with her, but it was more to happen to which she was oblivious.
I promised to cut every connection from Riya and focused on my sweetheart. Never in my life, I wanted her in such pain but unfortunately, I had to witness her heart-wrenching situations. Injections made her fall asleep, and I left having some talk with aunty.
In the evening, we enjoyed a marvelous ring ceremony by dancing and singing and eating a lot of delicious food till our neck. I missed Nisha. I wanted her to be there with us. We had planned to dance together, which got vanished in her stain of blood. Every second I had thought of her. My mind flashed back to what I saw in the morning. It was for the first time not a single thought of Riya hit my mind. I completely framed my mind to come out of her world. I found myself alone in the crowd. So, I swallowed my pain and put a smile on my face.
A few days later, Nisha got discharged and safely reached her home. I went to meet at her home. I had enough time to talk, and she was conscious too. I saw her condition. Her clothes had wrapped her. Heavy bleeding made her body weight almost half. Her face, hands, and legs suffered from malnutrition. I broke into pieces on how destructive it was.
Doctor told it will take almost four months to recover completely. We never imagined so much will be the effect of a thirty minutes minor operation. I cried and cried in my mind, but maintained a convincing smile in front of her. We had a long conversation and, I left her when she was drowsing.
I decided not to inform her about Riya, but it was in her fate to get one more destructive attack. I knew it was not a right time. She has not recovered properly and giving her mental pain wouldn’t be a good idea. Her heart was on her mouth and if she got to know what I had in my mind, she might die. But who knew, when god had planned to kill us out.
Anita, a female cousin of Riya, came in contact with Nisha. They became good friends as Anita showed all her compassion, which was much needed. She was busy with Nisha day in day out. I liked how she entertained Nisha so, I didn’t interrupt her. It was Anita who kept us together with Riya. Nisha enjoyed her company and became very keen to know about her. It was how a beginning of a drastic end stepped ahead.
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A Mistake that changed my Life PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
When a boy says he wants to go away from relationship, try to stop him. He might stay.But when a girl says she wants to go away from relationship, don’t try to stop her because she has already gone from her mind even before telling.Pearls in love is tough to findAs you know some love is blind.Dealing with damage like beggars without choiceGiving my story a sweet, broken voice.Promises of life burnt in fireTogether we stay, I still desire.Once in life you too will flyI wish we meet above the sky.As a writer, the only thing I tryReading my story, I hope you cry.I will succeed as I am wiseIf I bring tears to your eyes.Pleasure of life left with mysteryWriting my journey, the rest will be history.Dedicated to my school-life girlfriend who left me alive to die every moment
A Mistake that changed my Life 27. NEVER BELITTLE LOVE
Who knew, seeing her in that railway station would be our last meet. Who knew, wiping her tears would be the last chance to show my care. Who knew, the crave to see her in that blue lehenga will remain unfulfilled. Who knew, whispering of her wish in that bus ride of getting man and woman next year will just remain a sweet wish. I wish I knew, tears will leave her eyes and stuck to mine forever. I wish I knew, the one who gave hopes in life will shatter so brutally. I wish I knew, the crave to hug her in that railway station will never get fulfilled. I wish I knew, I had to weave our dreams alone forever. I wish I knew, she will take away all my happiness and leave my body with a deep wound forever. I wish I knew, my dreams of being with her forever will end up being with her wounds. I wished lots of things.Kartik and Ankit tried a lot to convince her, but they were futile. So, they ended up confronting me with a shoulder full of sympathy. I came home early from the ba
A Mistake that changed my Life 26. THE TENTH DAY
7th June 2019.The sun was not the same when I woke up early. Morning tasted different to me. It didn’t warm me any more like before. It was not as bright as before. It was ten long days we remained with no proper conversation. It happened for the first time in the history of our ten incredible long years of relationship. I tried to keep aside these thoughts for a while and attended our morning meeting of our boring bank manager.I was helpless. I was self-obsessed with these thoughts till our bank manager finished his monotonous speech. And the moment it went over, I pushed the door and came out of his cabin. I distanced myself from the bank and called Sunita, Nisha’s female cousin, who was here in Kolkata. She knew everything about our relationship. She was the only person in her family who knew a lot of stuffs about us. She was less a sister and more a friend of mine. I called her twice but both times she disconnected. My mind encircled wit
A Mistake that changed my Life 25. THOSE TEN DAYS
I shared our concern with our close friends including Ankit, Kartik, and they were ready to sign the court papers. We needed minimum three witnesses to get registered in court. So, I arranged them and ordered to be present with no delay, whenever I call. They were obedient and desperately wanted to accept us together forever.It was early morning when I received a text from Nisha about reaching her village with no hurdle. I thanked god when she reached safe. I was worried how would she travel such a long journey in such a worse condition. What if she gets some ache? Lots of questions ran in my mind, which faded away by her text.It was over three weeks, we hadn’t met. I missed her the entire day. I described what was going on in my mind. How much I was worried about her. I texted her in WhatsApp. At night, I waited for her text badly. I described every twist and turn off my bed. Everything which came across, from missing her to worrying about her, I t
A Mistake that changed my Life 24. COURT MARRIAGE
My blood was boiling, and I was sweating with anger. Every time, I fought a new battle in my mind. Every day I had to face new challenges in my life. Challenges which broke me out and built me up together. And when I asked her, after coming out of the manager’s cabin. Nisha burst out crying on call. In deep pain, she said.“I don’t want to attend my cousin’s marriage. So, I intentionally slid off the ladder of computer class. But unfortunately, it hit me hard on my leg and it’s paining like hell. You please come fast. I couldn’t walk.”Her words pressed into my chest with a ton of loads. My heart was full of sorrow and my mind full of anger. Squeezing my brows, I told to myself, “Idiot girl. What nonsense you did.”I pushed the door hard to step in the bank and took my wallet from my half-opened chain and threw my bag to a corner. I rushed towards Nisha. She was waiting in a railway station, near
A Mistake that changed my Life 23. MY BIRTHDAY
April 2019.It was 11th day of the month. I celebrated my birthday in despair with wet eyes. I spent my entire day in the bank and they were oblivious to my birthday. I didn’t prefer to inform them to get special treatment. Nisha called and wished me half-heartedly. It was not as adorable as before. I knew things were not the same. There was a time when she was more excited about my birthday than I was. And then came a time, she didn’t even say to meet. I was of twenty-five so, I behaved like a gentleman, mature and smart enough to tackle with tears. Her wish was enough for me. At least, she gave me a chance to be with her and it was enough at that time. I kept myself happy whenever she used to hurt me by remembering her second chance.Past three years were not much good for me. She never missed a single chance to tease and taunt me. She always criticized me for every little thing. She used to connect everything with my past and slammed
