14. THE CONFESSION

April 2016.

I became twenty-two on 11th. I still remember how Nisha promised to stay forever on my birthday and made me feel special every time. Those promises still flashes in my mind, which forms a pleasant smile on my face. We had planned to celebrate in a restaurant, but due to her ill health, we stayed at home. Our final exam of third and final year was knocking at the door. Nisha dropped that year as she couldn’t prepare. I aimed to score good numbers and get enrolled for an MBA in Institute of Engineering and Business Management (IEBM), a well-renowned college of Kolkata. So, I prepared damn well to nail my papers.

 Two days before my first exam, Anita made a WhatsApp group of four of us. We texted to each other and enjoyed our gossip. We kept talking about our school life. When we discussed our childhood. Anita shared some of her childhood pictures with Riya. Along with it was a picture of mine with Riya, standing together with shoulder attached to each other’s which we had clicked at that reception. After posting all images, a disaster took place which never got resolved. Nisha got to know something is oblivious to her. So, she enquired to tell her everything in details about our selfie.

I was helpless. It was not such, I didn’t want to tell her about those days, but at least not when she was already suffering from a bigger pain. Nisha compelled me with promises which made me inferior. I was left with no choice and finalized to reveal a big mystery of my life. I observed her mental and physical condition and thought to share a little and rest later on. But again, my mind knocked. If I do so, she will cry again and again. I didn’t want her to cry multiple times for one reason, so I finally rolled the ball at once. 

It would be life threatening for Nisha, if I tell her what sin I did by mistake. It’s been seven long years of our relationship, I never hide anything, no secrets between us. We were pure from heart, so we trusted each other blindly. Her trust in me was so complete that she had allowed me to take nearly every decision in her life until I shared my mystery. Our sincerity towards each other allowed us to trust blindly, but unfortunately, I proved her blind. I had broken her trust. It was not intentional, it happened deliberately. Tears rolled down and my voice went low. I cried heavily on call. A heavy guilt was in my eyes. I gathered all guts to open up but ended up saying.

 “I am Sorry Nisha, I broke your trust.”

 One line was enough to break her into pieces. She too sobbed her eyes. I was walking on street and when I heard her crying, I went down on knees as if she was in front of me and I was begging.

 “Please don’t cry, please don’t cry.” my mouth uttered with sorrow.

 It puzzled me about how should I share, from where to start, and how should I tell how I ditched her and how those things happened. I was nervous and scared to lose my Dilpari. 

I was at a tremendous pain. My mind got stuck and stopped functioning. I couldn’t understand, if I tell her everything, she will be no more in my life. And if I don’t tell her, it will hurt and will be unbearable for us. It won’t allow me to leave either. So, I came into a conclusion and told her to listen to everything first and not to hang up my call. I requested her only if she tries to restrain her tears, I will share my sad story to her. She agreed, and I took her back to that night when Riya and I were lost on the streets of Bangalore.

“That night, Riya was tired of walking. After walking for more than an hour, she told to take a brief rest. Our legs were paining. Being a boy, I can sit anywhere, but I searched a comfortable place where it was enough street light, a better place to sit with a girl. To my surprise, Riya denied sitting where it was ok to sit.

After walking a few more minutes, at a dark place, she told she will comfort herself there. We sat behind a car, parked under a gigantic tree. It was dark and hard enough to find someone. I don’t know how she found it a comfortable place for her. I stayed loyal to you. So, I maintained a distance and didn’t take it as a golden chance. It was a matter of integrity and I tried to behave well like a gentleman.

She was tired of walking and yawned many times. She rested her head on my shoulder. Her soft cheek made me mesmerized when it touched my shoulder. But I didn’t think another way. I controlled myself. I framed my mind with words like, a girl alone at night is not a matter of chance, it is a responsibility. She told me to protect her from falling, which made me confused. 

How would I protect her? 

I had no clue in my mind, so I grabbed her shoulder with my right arm. I had no intention to make it a romantic night. But her actions changed my inner environment. Her face slipped while she dozed and got closer to my neck. She breathed with ease. Her nose blew air on my chest, which distracted my mind. I looked on the other side to avoid our head to get clashed. I was afraid of what someone catches us sitting close, so I looked here and there. 

After a few minutes, she hyperventilated. She exhaled warm air on my neck and it snatched my attention. I turned my face towards her to adjust her head properly. It was a moment of complete silence. Weather was cool and night was dark. When I stared at her, I found our lips an inch apart. Her juicy lips pushed me hard enough to fill an inch gap, but my intuition stopped me every time. 

I was in control till her breath fell on my neck. I tried to shift her head away from me. So, I pressed her forehead with four fingers. She nodded her head as a sign of defending herself to shift and made a soft sound with her closed mouth to show a disturbance she got while sleeping. Then she shifted her head to adjust and landed her lips next to my neck. It was closer than before. I was afraid of what she will think about me if my face gets in contact with her. So, I turned opposite to her. I noticed her upper lips slightly touched my chest, which gave a sensation to turn around and taste her lips. I breathed rapidly as it happened for the first time with someone else. My heartbeats pumped faster. I shivered. It was a tough moment in a boy’s life. If I had gone ahead, I would be called a molester. I was confused between whether she did intentionally or not. I didn’t know. 

One thing I knew well, so much coincidence never happens. She took me out of my confusion when she told me to remove her hair from her neck. At first, I hesitated, but when she requested in an innocent voice, I melted. I came to know what was going on in her mind. When I put my fingers on her neck, a gentle wave of current ran over her body. It gave her goosebumps, and she breathed deeper. Finger by finger, I kept all my fingers and then palm and tried to remove her hair. She was as soft as her hair. 

Her thin and curved neck was so sexy, I lost my control in a second when I touched with my bare hands. I played with her hair, which she too enjoyed. I loved with my fingers on her neck. It gave a gentle tickle, and she raised her head and as she raised both her lips touched my neck. 

It was an accident. I didn’t plan. But it was soothing, as it was a kiss. Her hot and juicy lips kissed my neck and set me on fire. I rubbed her neck and her ear with my thumb and she got lost in a dark night. I removed all her locks from her face and grabbed her chin and gazed at her face. I gazed at her for a long time until she opened her eyes. Our eyes clashed and got filled with passion. Our warm breath ignited each other. I was not in my control any more. I had lost all my mind when she touched with her lips. I pulled her neck and tried to kiss on her soft cheek, but she pushed me away. 

I was shocked and scared too. What the hell she wanted me to do? I also thought I shouldn’t have tried to kiss her. But in a cool night, with open hair, she was a hot lady. Her sexy figure was visible over her tight t-shirt. Her shoulder was down and her back was bent. It gave a perfect sight of her cleavage. She, along with her perfect figure, blew my mind. I lost my control and held her hard for the second time. I tried to kiss her neck but that time she didn’t stop and I smashed a perfect kiss on her neck.

 I kissed from her shoulder to neck. She too enjoyed and was lost completely in my arms. I moved my hands from her neck to her back and to her waist. I touched her perfect figure, and it made me fall towards her. It was so amazing to touch her with my bare hands. Her night perfume made me crazy. Then we walked again. At 3 pm, we sat at a closed shop and kissed again. Every time I kissed her cheek, I tried to taste her lips too, which she denied and said later on. It was ok to me. 

In a pale moonlight, we danced on an empty street. Walked hand in hand and sometimes on her waist. She knew I enjoyed dancing, so she forced me to do with her. I sang a romantic song and lifted her and danced like a romantic couple. There was not a single person to witness except some street dogs howling on us every time we came closer. 

Next, when she came to Kolkata, we met several times. We met at the same place, at the river bank. We enjoyed the waves, cool breezes, and exchanged lots of words for hours. She used to bring delicious food for me. When she was about to leave Kolkata, she called me early at 5 am. It was winter season when the sun used to rise after 6.30 am. We met again in a dark moon light. Cool breezes gave a desire to get lost in her arms. We hugged each other tight. Our incomplete hug in Bangalore completed here in Kolkata. We held ourselves like we met after many years. I sensed her feverish body when it collided with mine. Our hug was so tight, it made me feel like two incomplete souls met after so long. Her beautifully maintained figure pleased me when I touched. I insisted my hands under her tees. At first, she denied as usual, then she allowed me to feel her warmth from inside. I set her on fire. I ignited her body with passion. I moved my hands from her waist to her back and then to her neck. She enjoyed every touch of mine with my bare hands and lips.

 It was dark when she too kissed me on my chin, but we didn’t have a single lip kiss. She kept telling next time. From her waist, I dragged my thumb on her navel and it filled her with love. She breathed faster and scratched my neck with her nails. I don’t know what she wanted, but it was forced me to go beyond our limits. We stayed silent in each other’s arms and shared love and care. But not a single time we smooched. I kissed at her back and waist and belly and slowly I went upwards and unhooked her inners, and licked her back. Her curves, her shape, everything seemed perfect in cool dawn. I wanted time to get still and she in my arms. I forced her for a smooch, but she ignored every time. After coming close enough, we went home, and she went back to Bangalore. That’s it.”

 I narrated every little thing to Nisha, and she kept telling “O my God! O my God!” As if I have set her on fire to burn alive. I realized my words burnt every layer of her skin as if I have thrown acid. The moment I said that’s it, she disconnected my call and ignored me. Not even a single text she sent the entire night. Her mobile was switched off. Her mother’s mobile too was off. And I was crying my eyes out, next to hell on the street, cursed myself. The hell I did with my relationship and Nisha. 

I was afraid. What if she takes some wrong steps or tries to harm herself? She was a sensitive girl and for her wellbeing, I kept praying. I was ready to lose her but I didn’t want her parents to lose their daughter. It was the worst night of my life. Lots of negative situations hit my mind. I was afraid of Riya too. When she got to know I shared everything with Nisha. Riya was submerged with pain when I confirmed her, I won’t be talking to her anymore, only if it would be urgent. I will never call her for my personal reason, I made my statement. I apologized too. She too switched off her mobile and left her mess. I called her many times but found the same response every time. My unanswered calls gave me hypertension from both sides. To block from one side, I called her friend who visited Kolkata with her. She informed me how Riya threw her mobile on her bed, hit the door to open, and left the room without closing it. I couldn’t manage the chaos I had created. All three of us cried our eyes out. I hated myself once again a lot. There was a time when I used to feel proud of myself and my character, and then I wanted to kill a person within me whom I hated the most.