17. APOLOGISE

23rd April 2016.

I woke up early at five and got stuck in arranging all stuff. It was the day we waited for a long time. My sister’s marriage. From early morning we shifted things from one place to another, people walking around complaining about things not getting. Busy bathroom created tremendous pressure on everyone’s stomach. It was a chaos in our house, which we loved it a lot.

From early morning, I tried to hide my smile, which pressed my lips together. Aunty had told she will send Nisha at noon and they will join in evening. So, I stared at our wall clock every time. I wished for her comeback in my life. I had decided to apologize once again by going on knees. I knew we were no more in a relationship, but she never told that in words. There was a slight chance of getting back my Dilpari in my life.

 It was around noon when my mind expected a call from someone special and my mobile vibrated in my pocket. A name flashed on my mobile after a long gap of a month. ‘Dilpari’ her name appeared and tickled my heart. A pleasant smile brightened my face. A smile which had forgotten my face long ago. Once again, her name returned some happiness, which I had lost somewhere in this world.

 I wanted to gaze at her name and leave my mobile as it flashed. Her beautiful picture, saved in my contact, flashed a spark of love once again in my life. I picked her call when it was about to get disconnected and she informed that she was waiting at the bus stop.

I was astonished at her beautiful appearance and more astonished at her big suitcase, as if she had come forever. But a guilt in my eyes formed tears once again when I saw her from a distance. She was in blue jeans. Her skin fitting jeans gave her legs a beautiful shape. Her red top made her the one and only rose of my vacant world. Her shining red lipstick filled colors to my dark life.

I was ashamed to have an eye-contact, and it was visible on my pale face. I lowered my eyeballs when our eyes met after a month. I disrupted our eye contact with tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to create any scene so, I dashed my tears with my shirt-sleeve and snatched her bag without uttering a single word. An awkward silence pressed my chest with tremendous effort. We took a rickshaw and sat together. Sitting beside my sweetheart was an exceptional thing for me, but a guilt in my eyes forced me to pull my leg and shoulder to maintain a distance as she was no more my property. Once again, her beauty illuminated my dark world, but I kept oblivious to her. Her presence gave a bit of relief to my restless soul. 

After a few minutes, we reached our home. It was vacant. All our family members were in the marriage hall. She made herself comfortable when I served her with a glass of water. I sat at a distance because I was no more the same Gonu in her life. I wanted to steer my world in her footsteps. I wanted to rage my nose on her feet. I wanted to do lots of things to please her, to bring back her smile, which I was fond of. Her sweet smile I used to die on. But things were not in my pocket so, I ended with tears on my eyes and a forceful smile. The intent in my eyes was so true and deep, it gave her a glimpse of my guilt I had carried for a month. 

 Her heart melted a little when she noticed me turning back and rubbing my face on my shirt-sleeve. She observed my wet eyes for a while and asked, “Wanna say something?”

She broke our awkward silence, which almost killed me. I waited for a chance to start our conversation. Her soft words flooded my eyes with the agony of penance. I apologized once again.

“I am sorry, Nisha.”

I wanted to tell her a lot but got stuck in wiping my tears with both my palms. Those words broke my control, and I flooded my eyes with tears of regret. She remained silent. I knew it was my last chance to bring her back in my life. Our conversation in that room could be the last conversation of our life. So, I opened up my heart and told each word from the extreme corner of my heart.

 “Believe me Nisha, it was a mistake which happened deliberately. I never wanted to do so. I couldn’t control myself. I had lost my focus. I was loyal to you for seven long years, can’t you give me another chance? I want to fulfill all our dreams which we are weaving since our school life. I will devote my entire life to you. I never had a single thought to replace you. Believe me, I am ashamed of what I have done. I have a heavy guilt within me which is not allowing me to live peacefully. Every time I breathe, I feel a heavy burden on my chest. I can’t swallow even a handful of food. Only if you give me another chance, I will breathe with ease otherwise my life will become a disaster. Please give me another chance.”

With these words, I cried my eyes out in front of her. It was my last try. It was a situation of now or never, which scared me to cry as hard as I could. I badly wanted her to be in my life. I desperately wanted a second chance. 

Love for me in her heart was still there. The way I couldn’t tolerate her tears, she too was deeply in love with me who can’t tolerate a single drop of my precious tears. She wiped out my tears with her soft handkerchief and requested not to cry. Even after making her life a disaster, I saw an incredible love in her eyes and I burst out crying like hell by going down on my knees. She too released all her pains and sufferings for the final time and pulled me up.

“It’s ok. Please don’t cry.”

She forgave in a voice filled with compassion, which proved I still existed in her life.

Once again, lots of desires and hopes to continue my life with peace incarnated. Her arms around me made me complete. Destiny gave a tight hug once again. Her tight hug fixed every broken piece of my hope. She gave me a new life with a new goal. I allowed myself to get healed in her arms. Once again, her true love healed every little wound which I had given to myself. First time, only with a hug, she mesmerized me with such a tremendous pleasure. No kiss. No romance. Only a decent hug of my Dilpari enlightened me. I thanked her a million of times in a few minutes. It was the best gift I got at my sister’s wedding. We wiped out our tears and headed towards the marriage hall, where my family waited to have a look of the special person of my life. The girl who was going to be a part of our family.