2. MY FANTASY CALLED

My parent’s reaction bothered me a lot. What they will think? How will they react after knowing their son is in love? What if my sister finds out about his brother, having an eye on a girl? These ridiculous thoughts encircled my mind and compelled me to live in limit.

“Dating a girlfriend in this age is wrong and against our culture.”

 I said after biting my nails and breaking a long silence. I had a long debate with Kartik, yet I failed to convince him. I was afraid of getting caught. I didn’t want to go against my parent’s opinions. So, I kept defending myself against his sharp words. 

“You will have to make a girlfriend.” said Kartik as if it was the ultimate conclusion of our debate. Despite trying a million times, I lost to him. I finally decided to follow his advice. I ended up convincing myself rather than convincing him. Being an introvert, my heart used to come to my mouth while starting a conversation. Especially when the other person was a girl. I shared my problems in a regretting tone. He laughed at my stupid problems and advised like a ‘love guru’. 

I never had topics to talk. How to start a conversation was a big taboo for me. What should I say was an issue? Sometimes, I used to think, why should I start first, why not she? I shared all my concerns with Kartik, who listened with patience. 

 “I will guide you but at least select a girl.” he said with a smile. It was not tough for me to decide on a girl, as I already had someone in my heart. Taking no time, I said, “If you ask me to choose one girl, I will choose Nisha of our class. For me, she is a looker. If I walk with her on the corridor and at the bank of the river, people will stop and watch their eyes out.” 

He jumped on me the moment I said and started poking my stomach. I threw him away, but he didn’t stop jumping on me like a monkey. He punched in the air like a bowler does after a clean bowled. He shouted, “Yeah! Got your darling.” and hugged me with his full strength. Finally, his search of a girl for me ended. He patted my back and a gigantic smile stretched across our face.

I was afraid of getting rejected by Nisha. She used to sit with the toppers of our class and I, being an average student, was not matching her level.

Two boys of our class, the most handsome, Rupan and Rehan, were trying their level best to impress her. It challenged us. Their efforts forced me to underestimate myself. It was almost impossible for me to snatch her from them. I thought to take a step back from my commitment and started convincing myself. 

“She is not for you, bro. Leave it” my mind said to my heart. But Kartik, on the other side, kept pushing and motivating me. 

He used to give me hope by sharing his own example. “If being a short boy, I can make a girlfriend then why can’t you bro, you are tall and handsome just wait for the right time.” he exclaimed. That day I got to know, we boys are handsome at least in front of three people: our mother, best friend, and the garment sellers.

Nisha was enjoying their company, and it was boiling my cool temper. I sweat in anger every time I saw her talking with them. Her enjoyment with those two idiots was the worst thing of the day. I kept cursing god and sometimes myself too, for making me an introvert. Sometime, I thought to tell her everything, but my fear had grabbed me hard.

They left me with the only hope of a miracle from god. I prayed from the extreme corner of my heart for a miracle, which will stop Nisha from entertaining to their stupid questions. Things were going out of my pocket and I was becoming a watchdog, just a barking dog who can’t even bite. It encircled me with despair and lots of fear crowded my mind. My friends, especially Kartik, kept motivating me. Somehow, I had a little hope for a day, when I will be the only reason behind her smile. 

The weather was dark, and clouds were roaming above our school. It was our lunchtime, and we swallowed our food without even chewing it properly in the classroom. We made our mind to play and my friends headed towards the playground, leaving me alone the moment they finished their lunch. I took some time to arrange my tiffin box and rushed towards the playground when they waved me. When I was about to cross the door of our class, a sweet voice, a voice which had touched my heart before from far away, called.

“Hey”

I Ignored and kept walking towards my friends. I thought it was not for me, because a girl never approached me first.

 But I was wrong. Things changed and a miracle happened. The voice surprised me when it called me again. A soft and pleasant voice touched my heart straight from the ears when she shouted.

“Hey! Stop”

This time I was damn sure it was for me. With butterflies in my stomach and bubbles bursting in my mind, I stopped myself from stepping forward. My body bent forward, leaning down, and I was about to fall because of a sudden pause. But I balanced myself and turned back. Nisha was looking at me with a sweet smile on her face. My heart pumped the blood faster when I stepped towards her. I tried to look normal, but the storm in my mind was destroying my calmness. I was about to talk with Nisha for the first time. I tried my level best to pretend to be ok, but deep inside I was losing control on my emotions. I said.

“Yes.”

When I said those two words, a long smile stretched on my face and my blood pressure raised at a higher level. It was not only a reply to her call, in fact, I wanted to tell her about my heart which was asking my fantasy, to be my girlfriend forever and I am requesting her to say ‘YES’. 

It’s how we rolled the ball. It’s how our conversation took a step, which is still going on in my mind. It’s how we led the foundation of our love, which will last forever in my heart.

During the entire break, we discussed. Nisha explained about her friend, Debosmita. How much she liked me and wanted to be with me. Nisha complained about my ignoring attitude towards Debosmita, when she came to talk to me. She advised me to be humble with her friend and to care. My eyelashes forgot to blink when I had time to get lost in my fantasy’s eyes. I intensely involved myself in staring at her. I enjoyed the way she tilted her eyes, left and right, the way she moved and stretched her lips, the way she used her hands to add more value to her words. Her rhetorical lines intoxicated me with her beauty and innocence. 

I forgot my friends were waiting. I forgot I was the one who planned to play. I needed to go, but it was so pleasant for me to exchange words with my fantasy, which bound me to stay with her. Her suggestions were meaningless, but I wanted to keep that meaningless discussion going on and on. I wanted the break to last for a few hours. I knew I have to face Kartik later, but it was ok for me. I was ready to sacrifice my friends for a while. Within a few minutes, the bell rang, and the break was over. Our discussion was on Everest but incomplete, so we continued later. 

From that day onwards, we had regular conversations. I shifted my seat from the extreme right of the row, where boys used to sit to the extreme left where girls were sitting. Whenever we got a chance, we had brief conversations, sitting adjacent to each other. She too changed her seat from the middle to the corner of the bench. She came closer to talk, and it was the most wonderful thing for me and my friends. Her effort of coming physically closer to me mesmerized me to think she came closer to my world by ignoring those two brats.

 I was least interested in talking about Debosmita. I always kept asking about Nisha and her past. From where she came, which school she was in, about her parents, what she liked and disliked, her dreams and all. For me, she was the best topic to talk about. The curiosity to know about her life was visible on my face. My words were more for her than for Debosmita. Nisha smelled a burning desire in my eyes, but she pretended to be oblivious. The way I used to talk was not normal. I guess she had felt I had feelings for her. But I couldn’t express with words. 

From talking about past to talking about future. From sharing words to sharing our lunch. I expressed my feelings, which I had suppressed for a long time in my heart. But neither she expressed something special for me nor I saw myself in her eyes. But the shifting of her seat gave me the confidence to follow my intuitions. The excitement in my eyes for Nisha ended the chapter of Debosmita. Our smile in every short gossip we had, sitting beside each other, pushed away those two brats. Apart from us, the only person who was happy was Kartik.