3. VOLCANO WITHIN ME

It was our drawing class, and some boys were getting slapped for not doing their homework. I too was one of them waiting for my turn. I was ready for being slammed in front of all our classmates. My face was red and eyes staring at my shoe in grief. I took my seat after getting slapped twice and a harsh class ended with lots of anger. 

For me, drawing was beyond my reach. My sweet sister, who charged a chocolate for every drawing, made all my drawings. But a few days before getting homework, I had a fight with my sister. So, she rejected to do my homework. Being helpless, I ended getting slammed. 

I rested my head on my bench, trying hard to cool my boiling blood. The process disrupted when a warm hand knocked my shoulder. I raised my head up and saw Nisha standing beside me. 

“I will make your drawings.” she said with compassion. First time she touched me and a sweet smile stretched on my face. How easily she freezed my boiling blood with a soft touch. I found myself in her eyes for the first time. Her empathy forced me to change the direction of my life to choose her path. After that incident, Nisha made all my drawings given as homework without even charging a chocolate. She also helped me out with the decoration of projects and other Co-Curricular Activities. Helping each other in study and other personal stuffs, we became a good friend with trust.

Every day we had lots of conversation during lunch and other breaks. It became a daily routine. Whenever we had free classes, I used to sit in front of her, eye on eye, staring at her face and had a conversation. A conversation where she used to speak a lot, and I listened with my heart. Being in lack of topic, I kept saying I love listening to you and that’s how I rescued myself from speaking much. A flame of love had burned in our heart since the day we started talking but she was oblivious to it.

February 2010.

It was a month of love. The atmosphere was romantic. Birds were singing the song of love and couples making memories with their beloved ones. For us, it was Saraswati Puja which made us excited. Flowers and ribbons decorated our school beautifully. The sculptor had designed the idol of Mata Saraswati magnificently, and the students decorated the surroundings with colorful flowers. 

I stood in front of the idol, with joined hands and closed eyes, praying for my final exam and about Nisha for being mine forever. Pondering her beautiful face with closed eyes. I wished if I were with Nisha, praying together like a filmy scene.

The moment I opened my eyes, I was dumbstruck. A blockage of air from one side took my breath away. The aura of someone’s presence beside me snatched my attention. Yes! It was Nisha. With joined hands, she was praying for something. I guess she too prayed for me. I don’t know if it was a miracle, an accident, or she intentionally came beside me. I pretended I didn’t notice but her surprise appearance baffled me. I turned my eyes as much as possible, to have her look without moving my face. But it was tough for me to get her glimpse.

I gathered some guts to turn my face and looked at her. She smiled when our eyes met each other. A pink gown with a full-sleeved sweater made her look gorgeous. A fluffy girl in a sweater. Her eyes, lined with liner, gave her a marvelous look. Her long sleeves hid half of her palm, leaving her little fingers to impress me. She had painted her long nails with pink nail lacquer, which were shining and spreading love. She looked at me with an intent to impress me. Her eyes caught mine, and I couldn’t look away. We stared at each other for hours in a moment. Her innocent smile and glossy lips melted my heart.

I smiled back with a charm of surprise. The spark of love in my heart became a volcano and burst out as sweat. Her smile said everything to my heart without uttering a single word. She dedicated me her beautiful look. Her make-up, dress up, everything. Her presence reminded me of a newly married couple, in a movie who comes for blessing in a temple for their well-being. Her sudden appearance energized me with glory. I still remember the fragrance of her body, which was blowing my mind. I became addicted to it the very first time I inhaled. My smile created a little wrinkle around her eyes and dimples on her face. Her presence gave the answer for which I was waiting for a long time. It opened a door to her world. Her presence motivated me to go deep in her love. I tried to engage her in a small talk but our teachers were having an eagle’s eye on us. So, I went away with my friends and she too joined her group.

 “Beautiful!” I said to myself. 

Those days, I was sweet sixteen. For me, meaning of love was nothing else than talking and helping in studies. But that incident changed the definition of love. It formed an urge to smell her intoxicating fragrance of her body once more. It created a desire to come close to her and taste that juicy lips. I shared what came across my mind with Kartik, who had already tasted many times of her girlfriend. He was a step ahead of me in that matter.

A few days later, Nisha started ignoring me. Her ignorance tensed me and formed three lines of tension, which were visible on my forehead. I couldn’t digest a change in her behavior. I forced my mind to find the reason behind it. I concluded that she may be mentally not well and after a few days, she will be all right. I waited for a week, but even after a week, she kept ignoring me.

It was our lunch break, and she was not in class. I went to her friends and asked, “Why she is ignoring me?”

 A girl was with her 24x7 in school, said in a jiffy.

“You should impress her so she won’t ignore you.”

 I didn’t understand what she wanted to say. I went back and discussed it with Kartik. He asked some random questions like a CID officer and rolled his hand in his hair. I left things up to him and waited for a solution.

After a long gap of complete silence, he advised me to propose to her with a rose. 

“Are you mad?” I objected. He gave a rubbish idea. So, I shouted as hell on my loudest voice and advised him to go away. That night, I loaded my chest with a pain of shouting on my best friend. I analyzed his suggestion and found not a single flaw in it. I had been talking to Nisha for months. We knew we both liked each other. And one of us has to take that bold step. But my self-made boundaries didn’t allow me to take any action. All those ridiculous thoughts of avoiding love pulled me down. 

Kartik called on my father’s mobile and shared his valuable advice with me.

“We have always heard ladies first, but not in this matter. A girl rarely proposes first.”

For some days, he challenged my gender and compelled me. One day, I took it seriously and pulled my collar up in front of my friends and accepted the challenge. 

Next day, at lunch break, I saw Nisha gossiping with her friends. Her face was glowing and her eyes continuously taking a glimpse of mine. I gathered all my guts, took the name of divine gods and goddesses, tucked in my shirt properly and pulled my trouser up. I tightened the belt and stepped towards her and took a rose out of my pocket. Standing firm, staring straight at her eyes with a passion of love, I collected all my love for her in my words and said.

“I love you, Nisha.”

First time in my life I proposed a girl. I was so idiot that I didn’t even bend down on knees. All her friends clapped and appreciated. Nisha blushed with tears of happiness. Her hands hid her face and her eyelashes were ready to release those pearls of love from her eyes. She smiled and two cute dimples appeared on her face. 

“I love you too.”

She accepted the rose and kissed it.

Yesssssss! My friends shouted from the window and appreciated with claps. It was the happiest day of my life. My fantasy became my girlfriend. We exchanged our numbers and texted after school got over from our parent’s mobile. Her friend, who suggested me to do something, said, “I didn’t mean to propose, but it was beyond expectation. She liked it a lot.” Her praising words mesmerized me with honor. 

I went to Kartik. Smiling with the left half of the lips and eyebrows tilted upwards, full of attitude and questioned, “So, you challenged me. How was it?”

But Kartik complained, “Idiot, why didn’t you go on knees.” 

“Whatsoever, we can’t satisfy our teacher” I giggled, and he hugged me with pride.

 After going home from school, we talked for hours and hours over the phone and exchanged hundreds of texts. We shared our secrets about how we felt about each other at the beginning. All our funny and emotional talks over the phones made our bond strong. I got to know more about her. She belonged to a brahmin family, her father was a manager, and her mother, a housewife. Her parents belonged to a decent family, which was the reason behind her decent thoughts. A girl with fogy nature is tough to get in this damn world. 

Just like a diamond in a coal mine,

 One who gets, gets the divine. 

I was flying above the seventh sky. The tradition of a new school-life couple applied on us too. We made promises for being together until our last breath. We cracked jokes and walked together outside our school and admired each other. Those long calls after going home and late-night texts were the stepping stone of our powerful love.

 I had started as a formality. My intention was to pass time with her. But when time passed, I liked her a lot. She became the best person after Kartik. We enjoyed our love life at fullest. Every day I came early to school and waited for her. We walked together, taking a round of our school. Visiting the bank of the river, close to our school and making memories. Enjoying cool breezes from river waves, we made a habit to hang out every day. Months passed like days and one day she shared the culture of her family, which was a speed breaker in our love life.

I didn’t know. In a brahmin family, especially those who belong to Darbhanga, girls attain the age of marriage after passing higher secondary. The fact didn’t shock me but the intention behind telling the fact made me blank. It hit me hard on my chest and my mind produced unbearable negative scenes. I thought she was joking, but it was not a joke. She was not just sharing, she was leading our relationship towards marriage. She had become serious about our relationship.

It was strange for me. How could she become so serious and ask for commitments at an age when we were sweet sixteen? I couldn’t commit at that age about marriage. Especially an inter-caste marriage. I didn’t want to comfort her with a lie. So, we concluded after texting long paragraphs.