4. NAME AND FAME

The more time we spend together, the more painful it would be to get detached later. As none of our family members will support our inter-caste marriage. I didn’t belong to a Brahmin family. Though the level was almost same. Inter-caste marriage never happened in our family, and it was next to impossible to think about it. Caste was a major issue for both of us. She agreed with the fact and admired, it will be a hectic decision if we go further. Inter-caste marriage was unfeasible for me. I knew my father will kill me and my mother won’t accept her as a bride. We won’t be allowed to enter our house. I was sure I won’t be able to convince my parents. I thought these before I concluded. The next day, I told her about my decision. She didn’t listen to a single word. But I kept my words after thinking a lot about all our future problems emerging if we get married.

“Let’s break up.”

My decision made her mouth shut. Her eyes released the agony of our detachment. Her lips dried and eyelashes were completely wet. I devastated her plans, which gave her severe pain. She blamed me for ending this so early. When I saw Nisha crying like hell. Tears rolled down from my eyes too. It was unbelievable. With our own hands, we were killing our relationship. A newly emerged love birds sacrificed their wings to maintain the dignity of their family. 

 It was our mutual decision to stop at this point because she wanted to get married immediately after passing twelve. Our imaginary world, having flowers around our bed and a red carpet on the floor, got destroyed in a moment. We filled our heart with sorrow and mind full of frustration. 

Nothing seemed good that time. It was difficult to swallow even our lunch and dinner. Being in a relationship for years and not ending up with marriage was a sin, and I didn’t want to do. I didn’t intend to hurt her lifetime for some temporary happiness. I knew I can’t go against my family. I figured out her intention to stay when she pulled my collar and tried to slap, but her hand paused before an inch. All our friends witnessed, but they didn’t wish to interfere.

It compassionated me deeply, unable to decide whether I should comfort her for a temporary happiness and make her cry lifelong or end with a disaster now to let her move on well with time. 

I was sixteen and as per my maturity, it was the best solution. As she agreed to follow it, I took a deep breath and relaxed my lungs, which were suffering for air. Her acceptance soothed me. I kept thinking it would be not that bad to continue for a few more months. 

I still don’t know if it was a right decision or not.

(What do you think?)

Being in same school but separated by class, we used to come face to face regularly. We pretended to ignore, but our intense love kept our eyes together for a couple of seconds. In a short eye-contact, our eyes narrated our entire story of how badly we missed each other and how desperately we wanted to stay together. I had started listening to sad songs as you know broken people find peace in sorrow. 

I badly wanted her back in my life. Her absence clarified what genuine love is. I asserted myself to live my entire life with her sweet memories. The memories which we will make in a few years before getting detached for not getting married. But for then, I wanted to be with her at any cost. So, I begged to God every day.

The final exam of class ten knocked at the door. I tried to shift my focus from Nisha to my studies. I accepted the fact she won’t be a part of my life anymore and I was ready to deal with it, being a broken soul for a lifetime. Her absence in my life pushed me to fall for her more. I kept thinking, I started as a time pass but look at me, now I am crying for her. It was strange but true, I madly fell in love with her. I became crazy for her. 

Not all love gets destroyed with distance, some gets intense too.

January 2012.

When birds chirp louder and the sun sets early. Ice gets mixed in atmosphere and we inhale cool air. A month which brings freshness, brought a refreshment in my life too. 

Our principal announced, we will have our annual function with a group dance as opening ceremony. It filled me with joy when I got to know there is something for me to do apart from being in sorrow. Highly passionate for dancing, I took part in it. It was a folk dance with a sword and shield. I didn’t like the dance style, but it was a splendid opportunity to stay away from anxiety.

Dancing was my hobby from my early childhood, and it was a wonderful opportunity for leaving behind those pains. So, I took part in it. I made new friends and together we made lots of fun during practice. All students gazed at us. Our passionate performance as a warrior spread positivity in our entire school. I performed my level best and enjoyed those wonderful times, which healed me a lot.

During breaks, we performed Street dance and Hip-hop. It became a center of attraction for all. All those beautiful eyes stared at us. I got huge name fame in school as a break-dancer and I enjoyed the stardom in Facebook’s inbox. Some hot looking girls of our school approached me. Some were so crazy enough to come and ask for exchanging numbers. I got a secret flying kiss too. I enjoyed those, but still, I had reserved my heart for someone who didn’t even bother. 

My eyes searched Nisha during our practice, but it rarely found her. I wanted to show her, but she was lost somewhere in her world. She stood in her class and avoided our practices as if she didn’t want me to perform. 

A few days after our annual function, I saw Nisha in a distinct look. She was puzzled. Her face was dull because of lack of light. Her appearance spread sadness. Her jaw was down. Her eyes were full of questions. Her lips were dry of love. I wanted to ask her if she was ok, but I had closed the doors. 

I stared at her with compassion and care. She noticed some girls approached me, which made her furious. Jealousy encircled her mind when she observed one of her classmates buttering me with flirty words in front of her. Some girls followed me outside our school. Kartik noticed and informed me. I didn’t give a shit to it. I enjoyed a lot avoiding it. Everything happened in front of us. Friends of Nisha had an eye on me like a spy. They informed her of everything. They made her well aware of those beautiful juniors fond of me.

All my caring attitude became fruitful when one day the planets took a huge turn. It was jealousy of Nisha or my unstoppable love which forced her to send her close friend, Dipika, with a message whose words dropped ours jaw. 

I avoided all those girls only for Nisha. I didn’t want to get involved with someone else. I waited for my fantasy. I waited for my Nisha. I waited for the girl whom I used to kiss every night in my dreams. I was waiting for my dream girl. Nisha too was waiting for me. She too got some proposals but, she rejected all. We became adult and her perfect shaped figure attracted many boys. She too had options to move on but, she closed all those opened doors and waited for the closed one to get opened.