Chapter 3

I woke up feeling so thirsty and with an aching throat. I quickly get up and looked around, these place is unfamiliar. My eyes are hurting too but I removed the sheets covering me and left the bed I slept in.

"Mommy?!" I called out. It's just a dream right? What happened is just a nightmare, isn't it? "Daddy?!" I shouted and I walked to the door, barefoot. 

"Rylie." I looked behind me when someone called my name. There, I saw Lucius getting up from a single seater couch on the corner near the bed where I slept. I didn't noticed him there. "Where are you going?" he's frowning and looked like he just woke up from a nap.

I pointed at the door, "My m-mom and dad, are they outside?" he looked like he doesn't know what to say when I asked that. He can't look at my eyes, and kept on running his fingers on his hair. I just continued looking at him waiting for the answers.

"I think you should drink water first" he told me after a long period of silence. He turned his back and went to the bedside table. He poured some water on a glass and handed it to me. I just stared at it,

"Uh. . i-is what happened isn't a," I swallowed the lump on my throat "a dream?" I looked directly at his eyes.

He avoided my gaze "I'm sorry" 

"I mean, are. . are they all gone?" I asked again while pinching my fingertips. How hard it is for him to say a simple 'no'? "Am I alone now?" I sat on the floor and covered my face when I saw him bit his lip and didn't answered. 

Rylie Jordynn, accept it. Stop being stupid thinking that yesterday's a nightmare. Here's your reality, you must face everything alone now. You're family are gone because of a stupid piece of shit who drove his car while being drunk. No more tears, Jo. You must be brave and strong by yourself.

I removed my hands from my face and stood up. Lucius stared at me looking serious but worry is evident in his face. I stared blankly at him, "Can I have the water now?" my voice sounded hoarse because how much I cried last night.

Lucius frowned on how I acted but still gave me the water. I just drank from it while he stared at me. "Where's tito Lenard?" I asked after finishing the whole glass.

"He's taking care of everything." Lucius carefully told me. I raised my brows at him, waiting for him to continue "The funeral will be held at your house starting tomorrow" he added.

I nodded before looking around the room, "Where's my phone?" 

He didn't answered but he went to the bedside table again to grabbed my phone and hand it over to me. I sat on the edge of the bed and turned it on, I think Lucius charged it overnight since it has full battery. It was filled with messages from my friends. I scrolled through it and some of my relatives and classmates also sent me a DM. 

"What do you want to eat?" I glanced at Lucius when he spoke. I shook my head "I'm not hungry" he looked irritated with my answer but I just went back on scrolling through my message. It's already 2PM and the water I drank a while ago filled my stomach. 

"I'll bring your food here" he told me despite of my answer, sounding so annoyed and then he just left the room. I just ignored him because I know that I'm not hungry, this is my body and I know what I want. 

I let out a deep sigh and lie down on the bed. I covered myself with the blanket and opened my gallery. I stared at the photo we took before they left. The longer I stared at it, the stronger my tears wanted to fall. But no, I'll never cry again. I'm not weak, my parents raised me to be brave and strong. I shouldn't be crying. 

Mom, I'm sorry if I declined your offer of coming with you guys. I will forever carry the regret I have in my heart. The feeling of guilt that I should have died with you. I hate to be the one who lives. I want to kill myself right now, but I know that it's bad. You guys always get mad at me when I do something wrong. You always reminded me to do the right thing even if it's hard. So right now, even if its hard for me to even breathe, I'll do it. Because that's what you told me, Mom.

I started crying again despite of my promise that I won't cry again. I covered my mouth with my hand to stiffle the sobs. I hit my chest with my clenched fist because it really hurts. It feels so heavy. I wanted to tell someone, but I fear that I'll bother them like what I am doing on tito Lenard. Maybe, the best thing I can do is to look strong and cry by myself when no one is around. 

Mom, Dad. . .  Can you come here to wipe my tears? Can you come here so I can cry on your shoulders? Can you come here to cheer me up? Why did you guys need to leave me all at once? 

I heard the door opening. I think Lucius is back so I wiped the tears in my cheeks and calmed myself. Lucius seemed annoyed and irritated with me a while ago because I kept on crying, so I shouldn't breakdown in front of him. I removed the blankets that is covering me and face Lucius who's holding a tray with food. I saw him clenched his jaw and stared directly in my eyes. I feel like he's trying to reading my mind.

"Do want to be alone?" he asked while looking so imposing standing near the door. I don't know but fear started to fill my system when I heard his question. 

"Why? Do you want to leave?"  I asked back despite of the panic inside me. 

"I don't want to but if you want to by yourself at the moment, I will be outside the door giving you the space you need" he answered and started walking to come near me. 

I didn't answer but the fear that I have in my chest a while ago was replaced with something I can't name. Lucius didn't push further regarding that topic when I didn't talk. He just placed the tray on his lap when he sat on the edge of the bed. Me, on the other hand, was sitting and half of my body was covered with blanket. 

"Here's your food. You told me you're not hungry so I just brought porridge" he said. The tray has a bowl of porridge, sliced apple, banana and grapes, and a cup of hot choco. 

He received no response from me aside from a blank stare, so he awkwardly grabbed the spoon and made and attempt to feed me. I just watched his every move. He brought the spoon of porridge near my mouth while frowning. 

"I can feed myself. If someone forced you to take care of me, you can get out of this room now" I told him because it irritates me to see him frowning like he's not happy to be here. 

He put the spoon down, took a deep breath and looked at me again "No one forced me to be here. I won't do something that I don't like" 

"Then why are you frowning?" I asked while crossing my arms.

"Do you want me smiling while feeding you, Rylie Jordynn?" he answered and then waited for me to answer back. I just rolled my eyes at him, "So annoying" I whispered but he clearly heard it.

"Stop whispering. If you want to say something to me, tell it to my face" he said, sounding so calm but his face is still unsmiling.

"Well, you're so annoying" I said loud and clear to his face. 

"Look who's talking" he fired back and put the bed tray table in front of me, he just pulled the legs of the tray he was holding a while ago. "Feed yourself" and then he get up and went to the bathroom.

I frowned at him and grabbed the spoon to eat with full of irritation. He sounded like Joel. They are both annoying!

I paused and the spoon slipped from my hold when I remembered my brother who always tease and annoy me. Lucius sounded like him for a while. I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop tearing up. I miss Joel. I shouldn't cry because Joel will tease me when he saw crying. But, isn't it good? Should I cry and then Joel might show up to tease me again. 

I took a deep breath and picked up the spoon to taste the porridge. My parents told me not to refuse the food that was served in front of me. I shouldn't left some food behind because that's bad, my mom always remind me that. So, even if I don't I have any appetite I'll eat.

I didn't noticed that I am once again crying while eating the porridge. Why do I keep on tearing up everytime I remember them? Why the hell do I have a lot of tears in my body? I have been really happy all my life because of my family, did my body save up some tears in those years? And now, they kept on pouring.

Someone wiped the tears in my cheeks using a tissue. I looked up and saw Lucius, he took a sit beside me. He moved closer and gently wiped my face. He's frowning again and clenching his jaw, while seriously drying my tears. "I'm sorry if I invaded your personal space, but I just feel like you need someone to wipe your tears while you're eating" he said in a low voice.

I watched his every move then he stopped to stare at my face. He looked so worried at me. He cleared his throat and opened his arms "Hug?" I stared at him for a few second before I burst out crying. I went into his arms, buried my face on his wide shoulders, and started crying my heart out. I imagined him as my brother, Joel.

I imagined Lucius as my brother and it somewhat comforted me a bit.