Chapter 5

Lucius opened the gates to my house for me. The people who are in the front yard are still staring at me. When I am near them, I finally recognized who they are. They are the cousins of my mom and their children. I'm not really close to them and I just see them on family reunions and gatherings. We don't talk to each other that much since I don't like their attitudes. 

Tita Isabelle went near me, she has a cigarette in between her fingers and she doesn't look sad at all but who I am to judge right? Maybe she's mourning inside her head because my mom is her cousin. "Where have you been? Everyone's been looking for you" she told me as soon as she's standing in front of me. Well Auntie Isabelle, I'm looking for myself too.

I blankly stared at her and didn't answered. No 'condolences'? No 'greetings'? This is one of the reasons why I doesn't like them. Can't they understand that I'm still taking everything in? Just one at a time? I might completely lose my sanity on how my life turned 360 degrees.

"You just let somebody took care of everything?" she added sounding a little annoyed at me. 

I want to punch her staright in the face to be honest. The only thing that stops me is the idea that I am on my family's funeral. Why is she so insensitive? Have she ever experienced the same thing I experienced? Did her family died all at once?

Her youngest sister, Auntie Pia, approached us and held her sister's arm, "Ate, stop it. Rylie is young and still not responsible" she told Auntie Isabelle with her back turned at us and not even looking at me. I now have two people whom I wanted to punch. Being old doesn't make them responsible either. I want to tell them that being at 'their' age doesn't make them superior all the time.

"Excuse me" they all looked at Lucius when he spoke. His voice is just so deep and low that is really hard to ignore. He even caught the attention of my cousins who's talking to each other few meters from us "Keep your opinions to yourself. Rylie Jordynn doesn't need it" he added. 

He glanced at me while I was looking at the offended faces of Auntie Isabelle and Auntie Pia. "Let's go in?" he asked me using a tone far from what he used to tell my aunties off.

I nodded without tearing my eyes from my insensitive aunts. There is always that kind of relative that you hate to meet because of their mouth and unnecessay opinions. Lucius gently pulled me away from them to enter the house. 

This house was bought by my family when I was 12 years old, so we've been living here for a almost a decade. This house was filled with joy and laughters especially when my triplets brothers came seven years ago. It's not that huge but it was enough for us. We all have our own rooms that provide each other's privacy but since it's not big, it also brings us closer. The car that my parents gave me as a gift when I got my driver's license was the only car parked in the garage. My family is not rich but we are so blessed to eat more than three times a day, to buy things we want anytime, to study in a private school and so much more. But did I fail to show how grateful I am to have this family taken away from me?

When we finally walk passed the front doors, the living room that my mom and I spent so much time to redecorate was filled with six coffins. There are chairs and benches with our neighbors, relatives, friends, workmates and classmates dresses in either white or black. The smell of flowers and coffee filled my nose. Our family picture was in the middle, it was taken last month on my mom's birthday, July 21. 

It was really quiet but it was far from being peaceful. Some people were crying. Some were talking. Some almost laughed while speaking to each other but stopped midway when they realized they are in a funeral. Our living room is big enough to cater everyone and I don't know if I should be thankful about that.

Years ago, my parents and I talked about the taboo topic of death. I hated it so much but they told me that people will all die. They told me that when my brothers and I grew up and have a stable life, they can peacefully leave this world. They want to held their funeral in the house because this is their first ever investment. I said yes and if I ever I'll die too, I'll be having my wake here. We all promised that we'll spend most of our time here, including our funeral.

However, I never imagined that they'll be inside that coffin all at once. I haven't graduated yet nor have a stable life but why the hell did they die? Look how life can produce unexpected happenings.

"Rylie? I thought you're not coming?" Tito Lenard showed up infront of us. His eyebrow creased when he saw Lucius and I holding each others' hands. I pulled my hand off and Lucius furrowed his forehead at me. Yes I know, I have a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I've asked him to not let go of me but I was the one who pulled my hands out. My rational mind just came back and I realized that it was embarassing. And I have calmed down a bit.

Tito Lenard seemed use to me not answering so he looked at Lucius instead. They talked about something elso while I continued looking around.

I have reached this certain point of sadness that despite of the heavy feeling in my chest, I can't cry or breakdown anymore. I still have those moments for the past few days when I am alone but in front of other people? No. They are already looking at me with so much pity. I won't let myself look so pathetic by crying and breaking down. 

I stared at the coffins at the front. With a heavy heart, I took steps to come forward. My focus was in our family photo at the center of the six coffins but I can feel the stare of people around me. It was really quiet when I first came in but right now, no one even dared to make a sound. Everyone's been really cautious and looking at me. But they don't need to worry, I may tear up but I won't let myself cry or breakdown with their eyes on me. That's a promise to myself.

Three more steps and now I'm in front of one of the coffins. I closed my eyes tightly when the pain in my chest doubled. I bit my lower lip and stop the tears that are about to fall. I opened my eyes and slowly looked down. There I saw my Dad. Their coffins was lined up and dad's was on the left end of the row. 

I thought my world crumbled down when I heard that my family was dead but seeing them inside the casket, I lost everything. I just wanted to kill myself. I wanted to go to a building and jump. The pain inside me is unexplainable, knowing that they will never come back, they will never hug me again and I'll never see their smiles again. I want to break out and run away from this misery. 

I almost lose my balance because my knees are shaking terribly but someone held me by my waist and supported my whole weight. I can't push myself to touch the coffin because I want to pull their cold bodies out from this and shake them so they can wake up. I wish there's still a chance or a way to keep them alive. 

Lucius held my hand once again while his other arm was wrapped around my waist. He held me tightly but I can still feel the sense of gentleness on his touch. He didn't told me he was there but he made me feel it. And I am so thankful to him.

"Do you want to sit for a minute?" he whispered near me ear. I shook my head. I want to see all of them even though its painful. Just one last glance, I just don't want to feel any regret. I can try to endure the pain but I don't want to be regretful.

"Okay. Let's do this one at a time, Rylie." he told me and I held onto his hand too while still looking at my dead father. This person sacrificed a lot of things for our family. He's strong, sweet and funny. He's the best dad and I couldn't ask for more from him. My dad treated me as his princess and he told me that he can't imagine the day that he'll walk me to aisle to marry a guy. But now, I don't think that thing will happen because he's gone. I should've hugged him so tight that day and never let go so he will still be alive.

No matter how painful I feel, I can't cry anymore. There's no tears that are threatening to fall at all and I'm scared for myself. I tried to walk to come near my mom's casket and Lucius helped me. He never left my side as I stared at my mom's pretty face. 

Everyone told me that I have most of her features and I always say no because my mom is really beautiful. Despite of being a mother of five, she's still glowing. She's really strong. I remembered, when we received the news that she's pregnant with triplets we were so happy but the doctor told her that it's dangerous because of her age and it's been ten years since she gave birth to my brother Joel. The doctor adviced her to keep only two but my mom insisted that he'll keep the three of them and she did. 

My mom's been my bestfriend. She's been my crying shoulder and the person who wipes my tears. My dad is my protector and my mom is the one who comforts and uplift my emotions. I may be 21 but I'm still dependent to my parents. I can't imagine a life without them.

"Drink water first before we go to you brothers" Lucius to me with his lips near my ear and handed me a bottle of water. He helped me to drink from it and then we went to my brothers. I looked at each of them's caskets.

Joel doesn't have the face that annoys me anymore but instead he looked pale and I hate it. It doesn't suit him. He should have that smug look on his face. I can keep up with his mocking face but not this. He should be planning his pranks at me right now, not lying inside this tight space. And my triplets brother, James, Jared and Jules. It pains me to see them there and not giving laughters to everyone. They have been my happy pill whenever I am feeling blue. Their cute little laughs and kisses that sometimes wake me up in the morning will never experience by their sister who's alone now.

Dad, Mom, Joel, James, Jared and Jules I hate that you all left me at once but I hope you will rest in paradise while I spent my time being alive in this deep sadness. I am regretting not coming with you and still alive here in this world. I love you and I hope we can meet again someday.