CHAPTER 9

When I open my eyes two doctors are on either side of me running some tests. 

For a moment I think I am in a hospital until I hear the bawling sound of an ambulance and I suddenly recall that I was involved in a car accident and I am probably in an ambulance on our way to the hospital. My head is spinning as the scenes play in my mind, a sharp pain passes through my head for a second and I whine painfully. 

“Hey take it slow, don’t think about anything?” One of the doctors instructs and I shut my eyes for a second as if that’s supposed to help me relax. I feel every part of my body aching not to mention the soreness I am feeling on my arms and thighs. 

Jake.

I was in his car. The last scene of him hitting his head on the steering wheel crawls in my mind and I close my eyes tightly trying to get it out of my mind.

“Jake,” I call his name weakly and the other doctor gives me a faint smile as the other one concentrates on running some tests on me. “Jake,” this time my voice is weaker. I blink my eyes rapidly trying to keep my tears at bay but they gush out anyway.

“Are you okay?” The guy on my right side asks me and I shake my head totally ignoring the pain I am feeling right now.

“Jake,” I say and he looks at me absently.

“Is he okay?” I manage to ask and he shakes his head in confusion before nodding. That’s confusing as hell.

“Is he okay?” I snap at him and he gives me the same look. Jake is not okay? Ooh my God this is all my fault. I hope he is still alive, I can’t live with myself if anything happens to him. I start shaking my head weakly letting tears flow freely shouting Jake’s name.

“Hey, he will be okay, he is being attended to,” the doctor on my left side assures me and a pang of relief passes through me. He is not dead.

Thank God.

“I want to see him,” I try lifting my head up in an attempt to sit upright but I end up wincing again. It is fucking painful.

"You will, but we need to give you some first aid."

Twenty minutes later I am in the room for minor surgeries and the doctor is nursing and dressing my injuries. He did some check up on me first and assured me that I had nothing to worry about apart from the few bruises. I have several bruises on my hands and thighs but it is nothing serious, I can’t say the same thing about Jake though. 

I don’t know how he is right now but I know that he lost a lot of blood he kinda broke his nose and left arm. I heard them saying that he was going to be okay but I will head straight to his room to confirm that he is okay after the doctor is done with me. 

Jake better be okay, I don’t know if I would ever forgive myself if anything happened to him. 

It is all my fault and I can’t seem to forget that, it ain’t easy when my subconscious keeps reminding me that I caused the accident. 

It was my fault that we hit the pole. I started snapping at him, he turned to explain himself, we hit the pole and here we all. See, the sentence started with I, I let anxiety and fears overwhelm me and that was distraction enough for him. I am responsible for everything that happened today and I don’t want to live with that for the rest of my life. He better be okay.

“You have forgotten the painkillers,” the doctor tells me when I start walking out after he has bandaged my wounds but I just ignore him. I don’t need painkillers, I am not in pain anyway. It hurts but the physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pains.

“Are you okay?” He asks me when it gets obvious to him that I am not going for the painkillers. 

What is wrong with him? I have been ignoring him since I got here but he still has the heart to ask if I am okay. And does he expect me to be okay after everything? I haven’t talked to anyone after what happened less than forty minutes ago and he is not special. 

I bang his door on my way out and a second later I remember that I don’t know where Jake was taken to, the doctor could have helped me but I just banged his door less than a minute ago and I doubt that he would even want to help me so I can't go back in there. 

I want to text Elsa but I don't Want her to freak out plus I don't want mom and dad to know about this right now, Elsa isn’t one to keep secrets especially when it is about my safety. The last thing I want is them to come here. 

I suddenly remember that Lucas saved his contact on my phone and told me to call him incase I needed his help. So I decide to text him.

Me.

Jake is in the hospital, we had an accident on our way back.

His reply is instant. 

Lucas.

Belle? Are you okay? How is Jake where are you guys? What happened?

Me.

State hospital.

Lucas.

Will be there in a few.

I slide my phone in my pockets and I start to walk towards the ICU, probably that’s where they took him. 

I feel so broken, so weak, beaten, I feel like my soul is crushed and I don’t want to talk about my heart and mind right now. 

Ten minutes later my phone buzzes and I take it out, it is Lucas asking where I am. I frantically text him back and sit there waiting for him. Three minutes later I see him approaching me and I don’t know where I get the strength to stand up and run into his arms. He holds me tight telling me that everything is going to be okay and I break down, again, in his arms. 

“I caused the accident, I freaked out and started snapping at him.” I start yapping sobbing uncontrollably and he stands still letting his hand run down my back soothingly.

“He tried to calm me down and he forgot that he was supposed to be driving and then we hit the pole, it is my fault,” I sob and he hold me tighter.

“Relax, Bella, that wasn’t your fault, ” the more he talks the more I sob and the more I cling on him. 

“I caused the accident, Lucas,” I tell him what is on my mind and he pulls me away from him slightly.

“Look at me, Bella,” I oblige and he holds my eyes in his and I see the worry, the compasion and the sadness he is trying very hard to mask but he fails terribly.  

“It was not your fault,” he tells me before reaching to wipe my tears away. 

“Bu…” I try to explain to him why it is all my fault but he brings his index finger across my lips forcing me to shut up.

“Not your fault, Bella, lets go and see how he is doing,” he glances at his phone for a minute before holding my hand and I don’t protest. 

He starts walking me away from the ICU and I hesitate.

“He is in the ICU,” I tell him.

“He has been admitted already and he was in the ER not ICU,” he tells me and I look at him doubtfully. How does he know that?

“He called me,” he answers my thoughts and I don’t have a choice than to follow him.

We walk into another different wing and he leads me to the first corridor in the left, he opens the door of a room labeled A1 and I sigh in relief when I see Jake lying on the bed peacefully. He turns to look at us and he gives me one of his full smiles.

He is not mad at me.

“Belle! I was so worried about you,” without a second thought I run to him and engulf him in my arms. He whimpers when I hold him tighter and I loosen my grip.

“I am so sorry,” 

“It wasn’t your fault.” He pauses pulling himself away from my tight grip and I desperately turn to look at him. “I was reckless and it wasn’t your fault. He reaches to tuck a strand of my hair back and I jerk away. He can’t see the scar on my neck, only Elsa knows that I have two huge scars and no one else will ever see them.