Chapter 3 His Whereabouts

Marina's pov :

        I never had courage to open the box of his whereabouts. Dead body being missed over there made me believe that he wasn't dead and he would come back again.

     But I wanted to see his whereabouts. I wanted to embrace that each and everything that he had left for me even though it ripped off my heart to see them.

     When I opened the box, I found a pair of boots, his sergeant uniform,some of his books and some note books,his track suits,sports shoes, and couple of pens, a picture of his parents and a purse,his purse.

     I looked at each and every belongings of him. I started from his sergeant uniform. He must've really felt proud wearing that. When he wore that, he must've felt that he had only one loved one and that was his country.

The different shades of green in his uniform must have made him feel as fresh as the green nature would feel. And the stars on his shoulders must have made him feel so much responsible to protect his nation and his people.

    I held his uniform tightly on my chest and felt as if he was there, as if he would stand right in front of me and smile as brightly and ravishingly as before.

     I took out his boots, then. They were really heavy. As heavy as one of his own legs. In those heavy boots, he never stopped once for his responsibilities. The more heavier the shoes, the more he may have felt that there are more responsibility that he should carry with him and how much heavy they are, they should not be left alone but should be carried along always.

      I kept it aside and held his suits. They were not so new but were with his body scents which I detested at first. It had the same sweaty smell of him. The smell that disgusted me but after smelling the same smell, I never thought I would roll down the tears in the fast speed.

     His sports shoes were not new, too. They were old and ragged and dirty, too. The shoes that the brave soldier wore was torn  and worn out. His foot must have pained a lot. When he had to walk on hot days,  his foot must have burnt a lot and he may had a lot of blisters. When he walked on  icy cold days, his feet must have frozen and his toes may have swollen.

     I put it down and picked his books and notebook. All beautiful love novels but his novels were new, as they were just brought yesterday. He must've bought it after he left after marriage. He may have thought that I didn't like him. He may have thought that he wasn't romantic and lovable. He may have thought that his wife didn't love her. No, but that wasn't true. I fell for him on the second night of the marriage and never let him know. It would had been better if he had known.May be he wouldn't have gone and maybe he would have been with me.

     Along with the books, there were some note books, too. Beautiful poetries were there. I never knew my husband loved poetries.But they were old and seemed to be written long ago.More of the patriotic poems and not a single poems about love.Maybe he never experienced the one except for his nation and family.

     He must have written poem with all these pens. There must be his finger prints in all these whereabouts.

      A soldier never forgets to take his parents picture with him. His dad and mom smiling calmly. That was the view, I saw after many days but in the picture. I have almost forgotten how do their happy faces used to look? How much their lips stretches and how much their teeth can be seen when they laugh? I had to wait for so many days to see that picture of them again in reality.

     All his belongings, had no traces of mine. How unfortunate, I am? I couldn't make my husband love me as well.He might have detested me a lot.

     Then, I went to the last one.His purse.I guess only money was there.But, when I opened it,I found more heartbreaking and that made me tear out more. The picture of me, on my marriage was there. He treasured me a lot. He once told me,  he loved me. He sure did love me.His whereabouts made me remember more and more.

      I gathered all of that belongings from the boxes and opened the cupboard to keep his  belongings.His cup board had two medals of merits arranged and decorated beautifully and a cup of glory. I peeked at them and then opened the cupboard and kept down all his belongings in there, except his purse. I first took out photo from his purse and then kept the purse inside it in an order and closed the door of cupboard.

    Then,  I took a clean cloth and cleaned his medal and his cup.These wers the glory he brought, I should take care of them until my death for they were not just medals but his determination ,his hard work and his dreams...

     But the greatest gift that he had given me was something else.The greatest gift that he had gifted me was on my womb growing day by day,having everything I have, suffering everything together with me.It had already become four months of pregnancy.The child within me, must not be proud of her mother, who cannot do anything but she would really be proud of her father.

     I thought, I would always be sorry not being able to provide the father's love and shadow for her.I never thought that I would be snatching a lot more emotions from her in the future.

      The war ended.But everything wasn't as it used to be. The beautiful cities were burnt down by bombs and grenades. The radios and the news were all about the consequences and the treaties between the countries. The high numbers of deaths were being enrolled in radios again and again and the number was increasing day by day like the division of viruses. And I didn't even know whether my husband was in that roll or not.

      Many things changed.The mother who had a son was a childless now. He could only exist in the pictures and the memories. The dad who sat on the chair and proudly  told everyone that his son was warrior was now in confusion whether he should be happy or sad with the fact his son was a warrior.

The wife who had seen her husband happy last time,  were now in grief and their eyes were full of unstable tears. The father lost a son and a son lost his father. A mother lost a son, and a wife lost her husband to whom she hadn't even confessed her love.