Chapter Four

present...

'Mom?'

I snapped out of my daydreaming. Nilingon ko ang anak kong si Zack. Ngumiti ako nang makita ko s'yang naka-ngiti.

'Yes, 'nak?' Tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at lumapit sa kanya. 'May kailangan ka?'

Umiling s'ya at ngumiti. 'Wala naman, mom.' Yumuko s'ya at umiwas ng tingin.

'Liar.' I said at hineadlock s'ya at ginulo ang buhok n'ya. 'Alam kong may kailangan ka.'

'Mom, stop it. Can't breathe.' Itinigil ko ang ginawa ko. 'Honestly, mom, kailan mo kaya sasabihin sa akin kung sino ang tatay ko?'

I am stunned to hear what he just said. Napatingin ako sa mga mata n'ya. Kitang kita ko roon ang determinasyon n'yang malaman ang kanyang tatay and ang curiosity at knowing who his father.

I cannot lie to him any longer. He's twelve years old. He's old enough to know who his father and to know what to do.

'Zack.' I breathe in and out.

'Do you really want to know who is your father?' I asked.

'Of course who wouldn't?' He asked ecstatically.

'Just don't hate him or anything. Maybe he has his reasons why he left us.' Tumango s'ya at umupo sa tabi ko.

We stared out at the scenery before us. We watched the bubbles made by the waves fade slowly. Pinanood ko ito. Slowly engulfing myself at the memories played by my brain every night to remind myself of the days that I tried to forget. Laging nandoon s'ya. S'ya lang naman ang kinakalimutan ko. Sinusubukan kong kalimutan.

'Are you sure, 'nak?' I asked for confirmation that he really wants to know. At sana humindi s'ya. Umayaw s'yang sabihin ko sa kanya. I think I'm becoming selfish right now. I mentally laughed at that.

'Yes, mom.'

~

sixth day of july, year two thousand seventeen, thursday...

'Bye na. And'yan na si Robert.' Paalam sa akin ni Ivy.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. 'Enjoy your date.' She nodded and hugged me.

'Thank you.' She whispered. 'Really. I'm so blessed to have you. Thank you.' Niyakap kk s'ya ng mahigpit.

'I'm your best friend. I will always support you kahit na gusto kong umayaw o uma-ayaw na ako.' I pulled out from our hugs. 'Go na. Baka mainip pa 'yong ka-date mo.' Tumawa s'ya at lumabas na ng classroom.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa room. I sighed and starts collecting my things at lahat nilagay sa bag ko.

Palabas na sana ako nang may nabangga ako. 'Yong ulo ko ay nauntog sa dibdib nito. Lalake s'ya dahil wala naman akong nauntugan na hinaharap. I looked up to see who the guy is.

'I'm sorry, IJ.' Mabilis kong sinabi at lumayo ng kaunti mula sa kanya.

'Yeah.' He paused and stared at me for a few seconds. 'Yeah. Wala 'yon. Umm... anyway, your friend. What is her name anyway?' Seryoso ba ito. Kaklase n'ya tapos 'di alam ang pangalan? S'ya na ata ang pinaka-unang taong nakilala ko na hindi alam ang pangalan ng kaklase n'ya.

'Ivy.' Sagot ko. 'Ivy's her name.'

'Yeah, her.' He cleared his throat. He's blushing right now. Kinamot n'ya ang batok n'ya. I stifled a laugh at his actions. Siguro iniisip n'ya 'yong inisip ko kanina. 'Ivy. She told me to pick you up since walang maghahatid sa'yo pauwi.'

Feel ko lumaki ang mga mata ko and mouth agape sa mga sinabi n'ya. Talagang babaeng 'yon, oo. Feel ko plinano na naman n'ya ito. I'm really going to kill her when I see her tomorrow.

'Ah. No need na. Magko-commute na lang ako. Hindi naman mahirap mag-commute eh.' Pagrarason ko at umiwas ng tingin. 'Atsaka ihahatid mo pa si Julie, 'di ba?'

Bumuntong-hininga s'ya. 'There you go again. Umiiwas ka na naman ng tingin sa akin.' Namula ang pisnge ko sa sinabi n'ya. Nahihiya tuloy ako. I feel like I want to go to the nearest corner and never left.

'Sorry.'

Bumuntong-hininga ulit s'ya. 'Look at me.' I didn't so he forced me to look at him. 'Is there something wrong with me?'

'Ha? Ah, eh. Wala. Wala. Promise wala.' I stuttered and tried not to look at him since his face is too near at mine. Onti na lang magkakadikit na ang mga labi naming dalawa.

Narinig ko na naman s'yang bumuntong-hininga. 'Let's go.' Binitawan na n'ya ang baba ko at nagsimulang maglakad palayo.

'Ang tanga mo talaga.' Bulong ko sa sarili. 'Sobra.'

Sumunod ako kay IJ hanggang sa nakasakay na ako sa kotse n'ya.

'What about Julie? 'Di ba hinahatid sundo mo s'ya?' I asked out of nowhere.

Napatingin s'ya sa akin at ngumisi. 'How did you know that? Paano mo nalaman na hinahatid sundo ko s'ya?' Lumapit ang mukha n'ya sa akin. Naipikit ko ang mga mata ko. And then few seconds after may narinig akong nag-click. Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko at bumungad sa akin ang naka-ngising pagmumukha n'ya.

'No. 'Di ko s'ya maihahatid today. Sinundo s'ya ng boyfriend n'ya.' Saad n'ya at bumalik na sa dati n'yang pwesto. 'Besides I'm not into incest. As hot as it may sound. No. I don't like to be in a relationship with my cousin.'

Napanganga ako sa sinabi n'ya.

'But you two are inseparable. Many thinks na nililigawan mo s'ya or something. Tapos malalaman ko lang na mag-pinsan kayo? Seryoso? Ba't 'di n'yo sinabing mag-pinsan kayo? Kawawa naman mga fans nin'yo n'yan.' Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko.

Natawa s'ya at umiling. 'I guess we never tried to tell then since it's too fun to see other girls and boys shipping us. Nakakatawa talaga.' Natawa na naman s'ya ulit. 'And besides I like someone else. I've like her for a long time.' Nanlumo ako sa narinig.

'Well, good luck. Sana maging kayo.' Mahina kong sinabi.

'I hope so. I'm thinking of courting her soon. I just need few things to do before that.' Saad n'ya habang nakangiting nakatingin sa akin.

'Yeah.' I laughed bitterly. Akala ko kasi magkakaroon na ako ng pag-asa. Hindi pala. 'Well, good luck talaga.'

'Yeah, thanks.' Pinaandar na n'ya ang kotse. 'If ever na sinagot n'ya ako. Ikaw ang unang kong pagsasabihan.'

'Baka magselos ang best friend mo.'

'He can live without knowing it.' Natawa na lang ako ng mahina.

He started driving.

~

The whole car ride was awkward and silent like this morning. We talked a little regarding schools and personal things.

Nag-park s'ya mismo sa tapat ng gate ng bahay. I quickly bid my good bye and thanking him for taking me home. Naka labas na ako ng kotse n'ya at dali dali akong lumakad papasok ng bahay.

'Hey, Alexa.' He called out to me. Lumingon ako sa likod ko at nakitang naka dungaw s'ya through the tinted window.

I calmed myself for a few second. 'Ano 'yon?' Tanong ko.

'Are you free tomorrow after school?' He asked and I raised my brows at that.

'Ummm... no...?'

'You're not sure?'

'May gagawin ako bukas. Important. Bakit?'

'Nothing. Just forget I asked.' And he drove away.

I am left there, confused. I don't know what just happened. My eyes widened in realization. Oh my god! Did he just attempted to ask me out? No. He did asked me out. Oh my god! What to do? What to do? Did I just rejected him? Ba't ang tanga ko? Ang tanga mo talaga, Alexa!

Pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay, ignoring the greeting from my mom, and headed directly to my room.

I can't believe it. I just rejected him. Did I? I have no clue at all. Why am I freaking out? Hindi ko s'ya ni-reject. Right?

Right?

I thought of calling Ivy but then stopped myself. May date ang gaga kaya ayaw kong manggulo ng date nila. Wala na akong ibang kilalang malapitan.

Jake? Right, Jake! He could help me with this. I'm sure. But the question is... free ba s'ya? He's in college. I cannot just disturb him. Well, I can, I guess. Since favorite cousin n'ya ako.

I scrolled down my phonebook hanggang sa nakita ko pangalan ng pinsan ko. I clicked call and waited for a few rings nang sinagot n'ya ito.

'Jake!' I exclaimed. 'I just messed up so back!'

'Hello to you too, couz.' Pagbabati n'ya. 'What's up?'

'Listen—'

'I'm listening.' He cut me off and chuckled.

I groaned. 'I think ni-reject ko ang longtime crush ko. Like I've like this guy for a long time and then he was about, I think, to ask me out on a date. No, erase that. He did actually asked me out. But then I unconsciously said no to him. And I don't know what to do now.'

'Kalma lang, Lex. Hindi mo ikamamatay 'yan.' Tumawa s'ya ng malakas. 'So you rejected this guy?'

'I have no idea if I flatly rejected him or not. And don't tell me to calm down. You'll freak out too kung nasa sitwasyon mo ako!' I exclaimed and buried my head on my pillow.

'Kalma lang, jeez. First, ano bang nangyari kaya nasabi mong ni-reject mo s'ya?' Kalmadong tanong ng pinsan ko mula sa kabilang linya.

'He asked me if I'm free tomorrow and I told him no. And then sinabi n'yang kalimutan kong sinabi ang mga sinabi n'ya and left.' I said sullenly. Narinig kong tumawa lang si Jake. 'I hate you na. You're not my favorite cousin now. Favorite ko na si Stacy.'

'As if na magiging favorite mo 'yong maarteng babaeng 'yon.' Natawa ako sa sinabi n'ya. His tone was full of hate. He really do hate her. And I do too.

'But seriously, about your situation. I can't help you since hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang dapat gawin. Maybe talk to him? Or not...?' Natawa s'ya sa mga sinabi. 'I'm really good at giving advice. So I'm sorry if I'm not a help.'

'It's okay. Siguro malalaman ko rin ang gagawin ko.'

'Yes, and, I, your favorite handsome cousin will support you with whatever you came up with.' Sabay kaming tumawa.

After that we talked about schools and stuffs. Catching up with our lives. And then he told me he have a new girlfriend which he will introduce to me as soon as they are both not busy.

It was good catching up with my cousin. I missed the things we did when we were young. The antics we did that almost gave our moms a heart attack and our dads a good laugh.

I miss those. And I hope to do it again.

But first. I have to do something with what happened earlier.