LOGINYes, maybe she wasn't exactly wrong, I thought Phil Meyer was really very cute ... He went to a parallel class and I thought he was really good looking. We hadn't talked so much or done anything else before. If I was honest, all I knew was his name. I secretly watched him when he met with the other boys in the parking lot in front of the school, or when he played basketball in the back of the school without a shirt.
He had a very nice athletic body that appeared to be almost flawless. Whenever he jumped up to throw the ball in, the individual muscles emerged. He had a very attractive way of moving, I admitted to myself, and that kind of made him older than he really was. His short hazel hair was always nicely styled, but what I liked most was his brown eyes.
They were shaped into small slits, which gave him a very alert look. They always sparkled a little ... Sometimes, when our eyes met by chance, he looked over at me and waved. That was enough to throw me off course.
I could well imagine falling in love with him. That thought confirmed to me that it wasn't me yet. Am I perhaps an emotional cripple, like my parents? Oh please don't What I suddenly noticed at that moment was that they were just so cold and indifferent to me. It looked very different among themselves. Hm. Don't think about it any further. It was a perfect moment to apply my positive, suppressive thinking.
My mind wandered back to Phil.
One day something completely impossible happened. For me at least impossible and hardly imaginable.
It was the beginning of the summer vacation. Phil and a few other students planned a nice evening around a campfire before everyone went on vacation.
Kate had told me, she always knew everything. It was of course out of the question for them to go there. Not your level.
When I was watching a basketball game again, he came up to me afterwards. Smiling, he rubbed his sweaty body with his shirt. I didn't even know where to look first, it half stole my virgin mind. My hands were playing with a strand of hair uncontrollably. He just sat down with me as if we had known each other for ages and asked me if I would like to accompany him.
Oh god I was so excited. He looked at me with a smile and his gaze became a little braver than usual.
“Well, I would be happy if you agree, Lila. It will definitely be a very nice evening and I promise to take care of you ”, his gaze wandered to the floor, embarrassed.
At that moment he told me that he felt more than just friendship and that he wanted to use the last opportunity this evening to spend a little time with me before the holidays. I almost felt sorry for him because he suddenly looked sad and I knew that it was somehow my fault ... It almost looked as if he just couldn't imagine that I would accept him. He obviously didn't lack confidence, unlike me.
I gathered up all my courage and tentatively touched his hand, my heart almost bouncing out of my chest and my knees starting to beat. He looked at me a bit surprised, apparently he didn't expect my reaction. Quickly, before I could change my mind, he took my hand in his, and his eyes sparkled with joy.
"Does that mean that you come with me?" - his voice almost cracked and I thought I could hear his beating heart. Suddenly he was acting like a silly child. The sight really amused me, I never would have expected that from him. My reluctance was gradually giving way because he made me feel that I could trust him.
"Yes, I think so ..." I replied and smiled at him.
What was she proud of? That it was people from wealthy families who convinced them to go out with us? It was pathetic how superficial some people were. I suddenly felt disgust. Yes, as I knew Kate, she was proud of this, I thought sarcastically. Sometimes I was happy that we were so incredibly different on some points. Then at least I didn't have to think about something like that any further."I just hope they're not philistines," I said quietly, not knowing if she heard it.She just parked her freshly washed convertible and I saw where we would spend the evening. I rolled my eyes and ran my thumb and forefinger over my nose. Of course it had to be “La Habanna”, what else? The most expensive cocktail bar in Jacksonville, right on the St. Johns River Promenade.Was it only superficiality surrounding me, I thought annoyed? I already didn't feel like getting to know the people who were waiting for us. Hoping to see a white Audi, I turned to all sides.
I'm so sorry, Lila," he said briefly and smiled again."Me too, Daniel" - my voice stopped for a moment. "I meant the last two weeks" - I admitted quietly.I was really sorry, he didn't deserve me to treat him like that. His face twitched in pain, as if he were reliving the agony of the last few weeks in his heart."I am also ... very sorry" - he replied, also embarrassed. What did he mean by that, I didn't understand, what was he so sorry for? He had done nothing at all, except that he existed. I had to postpone my questions because Mr. Brown was just entering the classroom. Damn. I could not wait. I quickly tore a piece of paper from my pad."What are you sorry for Daniel?" - I wrote on it and pushed him over to him. Without looking at me, which was another sign of the fact that he already knew what was on the piece of paper, he picked up a pen and wrote something on it. It took half an eternity before he passed the note over to me unnoticed.&ld
One day, it should change . Like almost every day, I sat alone in my seat, fought back tears at the end of school and packed my school bag.The class was already empty. I strolled slowly down the hall and as I stepped outside, Kate came towards me. Quickly put on a friendlier mine purple. I wasn't in the mood for an interrogation.I couldn't hide it from her for long anyway. It was almost a miracle that I made it this far. But, with Daniel and Sem, she's had a good distraction lately. Every day she had to think about how to impress both of them.She seemed to be in a good mood, which I didn't expect after leaving her alone again earlier."Tell me, what was the matter with Daniel, he half ran to his car as if he didn't expect to get away from here," she said again in one breath. He's been doing that for days, but it's good that she only noticed it today.“How should I know, Kate. You can ask him personally ”, I evaded irritated play.
Sem Callahan came towards me on the grand staircase. I haven't had the opportunity to meet him yet. Nevertheless, I knew automatically that it was him. Sem was a little shorter than Daniel. His hair was a little darker, but he had the same deep blue eyes. He smiled at me as I passed him. He too had a tremendous charisma, but by far not the same as Daniel had. It was different with him. He hadn't blown me away like Daniel had the day before. Obviously it wasn't a fundamental problem what I had with the Callahan's. It was entirely up to Daniel.Before entering the classroom, I parted my hair and sorted my curls a little. I did this more often because it avoided headaches. I walked into the room and the first thing I saw was Daniel's face. Was it so impossible to get my plan through? I felt angry at myself. Consistency was probably not one of my strengths. He smiled at me with his beautiful eyes. I looked away quickly so as not to fall into his gaze again. He was a drug. You kne
Kate was good at this, but I ... I thought I was different. But Daniel triggered something completely unknown in me. And I'll say it again- it really scared the hell out of me.I thought about it all day, couldn't follow the lesson and still couldn't find a solution.Our eyes met every now and then and every time I had the feeling that his eyes reflected my thoughts and my soul. As if to tell me, "Hey, I understand that you're confused."It calmed me a bit that he seemed to know how I was doing . And I knew he knew. On the other hand, it was so daunting that I tried to look away again as soon as possible. Of course it wasn't normal to think like that, but it felt so familiar, as if it had never been any different between us.When the doorbell rang and it was the end of school for today, I was slowly trotting down the big stairs when Daniel suddenly walked next to me. I took a deep breath and looked at him. His presence cost me strength.“It's
Oh, I was uncomfortable because everyone was naturally staring at me. I glanced around quickly before scurrying to my seat with my head bowed. I had one right by the window, which I was very grateful for.Here and there some of them talked about their experiences they had made during the vacation. I only took it with half an ear. I've never had much to do with my classmates. So I just didn't care what they were talking about.As usual, I automatically looked out the window and suddenly thought of Phil who was standing in the parking lot earlier. Occasionally he looked over at me as if to say that my time to think about it had expired and that I should now make up my mind.He didn't make it easy for me. I tried to put this topic off as long as possible. But it was clear that it couldn't go on much longer.Fortunately, the voice of Mr. Brown, the math teacher, broke my mind and I had to look up. He was a short, thin man, in his forties, and was half bald. Y