LOGINHe looked into my face and his eyes reflected such profound feelings that he apparently felt at that moment. They were so full of love and gratitude that it made me dizzy. Was he really grateful that I said yes? I couldn't understand it somehow, but it seemed quite so.
His left hand was still holding mine and the right hand went to my face and I was on the verge of falling over.
He stroked my glowing cheek and straightened one of my curls that hung halfway across my face. It really feels very familiar and good ... I enjoyed it and involuntarily closed my eyes.
"Nice ... I mean, um nice that you have time," he said quickly, feeling betrayed by himself. My eyes widened again when I realized that he was watching me.
I giggled at myself and it was kind of good to see him so embarrassed. Apparently it wasn't just me who had the problem. I knew what he meant by that, of course, but it didn't make things any easier. I now knew how he felt for me and now I had to be clear about whether I could reciprocate his feelings, whether I wanted more than just friendship. But I wanted to take the whole summer vacation time for that.
Phil picked me up at eight sharp. He seemed visibly nervous, which calmed me down a bit, because I had been pacing my room non-stop for the last half hour.
I couldn't get a clear thought. I went through every possible variation of this evening five times in my mind.
There would be, for example, the variant that Phil kisses me and I sit in a totally stupid manner and stumble into the campfire. The idea was really terrible. But I dared to do it.
I got into his car without saying much, gave him a short smile and just hoped not to say anything stupid of me.
“Lila, you make me really nervous. Please relax, I'm not a monster that wants to attack you, ”he said, a little snapped.
"Please don't hold it against me. I'm just excited, ”I honestly admitted.
“But you should reconsider that about the monster. I was hoping you would become one tonight, ”I joked.
There was a little bit of truth in those words because I really secretly hoped that tonight the spell of my virginity would be broken in some way.
He just smiled and parked his car in a parking lot, near the place where the campfire could already be smelled.
"I'm glad. It's going to be a wonderful evening, ”Phil said again to calm me down.
"Yes, he will ..." I said and at that moment I was sure that it would be like that.
He took my hand, as if he had felt at that moment that I was visibly nervous and we went towards the campfire, which the others had already turned on.
He should be proved right. The evening was really very nice. There was singing, laughing and fooling around. Some smooched and others heard the sound of a guitar coming from a corner.
In between there was a warm summer breeze and the campfire created a romantic atmosphere. Everything seemed so perfect.
"Shall we take a few steps?" Asked Phil, who was sitting next to me, a little pensive. The campfire was reflected in his eyes at that moment, which looked really nice. It looked as harmonious as everything that evening.
Now we came to the part of the evening where it could get critical! I couldn't believe it, was it really the night I got my first real kiss ??
"Yes ... it's a nice idea," I said with a half-numb tongue and dry mouth.
We walked hand in hand for a while along a narrow, almost unlit path. Everything was quiet, you could only hear the wind playing with the green of the trees now and then. Phil grabbed my hip and stopped in the middle of the path. He turned to me and looked at me searchingly and a little unsure of himself.
"Purple ...", he began gently and quietly. "Um, may I ask you something?" He stuttered on.
I noticed that it wasn't easy for him to get started. Whatever he wanted to ask me, it was very important to him. But it had to wait. I just wanted one more thing for him to kiss me. Not because I wanted it anyway, I wanted it from him. It suddenly seemed very important to me.
What was she proud of? That it was people from wealthy families who convinced them to go out with us? It was pathetic how superficial some people were. I suddenly felt disgust. Yes, as I knew Kate, she was proud of this, I thought sarcastically. Sometimes I was happy that we were so incredibly different on some points. Then at least I didn't have to think about something like that any further."I just hope they're not philistines," I said quietly, not knowing if she heard it.She just parked her freshly washed convertible and I saw where we would spend the evening. I rolled my eyes and ran my thumb and forefinger over my nose. Of course it had to be “La Habanna”, what else? The most expensive cocktail bar in Jacksonville, right on the St. Johns River Promenade.Was it only superficiality surrounding me, I thought annoyed? I already didn't feel like getting to know the people who were waiting for us. Hoping to see a white Audi, I turned to all sides.
I'm so sorry, Lila," he said briefly and smiled again."Me too, Daniel" - my voice stopped for a moment. "I meant the last two weeks" - I admitted quietly.I was really sorry, he didn't deserve me to treat him like that. His face twitched in pain, as if he were reliving the agony of the last few weeks in his heart."I am also ... very sorry" - he replied, also embarrassed. What did he mean by that, I didn't understand, what was he so sorry for? He had done nothing at all, except that he existed. I had to postpone my questions because Mr. Brown was just entering the classroom. Damn. I could not wait. I quickly tore a piece of paper from my pad."What are you sorry for Daniel?" - I wrote on it and pushed him over to him. Without looking at me, which was another sign of the fact that he already knew what was on the piece of paper, he picked up a pen and wrote something on it. It took half an eternity before he passed the note over to me unnoticed.&ld
One day, it should change . Like almost every day, I sat alone in my seat, fought back tears at the end of school and packed my school bag.The class was already empty. I strolled slowly down the hall and as I stepped outside, Kate came towards me. Quickly put on a friendlier mine purple. I wasn't in the mood for an interrogation.I couldn't hide it from her for long anyway. It was almost a miracle that I made it this far. But, with Daniel and Sem, she's had a good distraction lately. Every day she had to think about how to impress both of them.She seemed to be in a good mood, which I didn't expect after leaving her alone again earlier."Tell me, what was the matter with Daniel, he half ran to his car as if he didn't expect to get away from here," she said again in one breath. He's been doing that for days, but it's good that she only noticed it today.“How should I know, Kate. You can ask him personally ”, I evaded irritated play.
Sem Callahan came towards me on the grand staircase. I haven't had the opportunity to meet him yet. Nevertheless, I knew automatically that it was him. Sem was a little shorter than Daniel. His hair was a little darker, but he had the same deep blue eyes. He smiled at me as I passed him. He too had a tremendous charisma, but by far not the same as Daniel had. It was different with him. He hadn't blown me away like Daniel had the day before. Obviously it wasn't a fundamental problem what I had with the Callahan's. It was entirely up to Daniel.Before entering the classroom, I parted my hair and sorted my curls a little. I did this more often because it avoided headaches. I walked into the room and the first thing I saw was Daniel's face. Was it so impossible to get my plan through? I felt angry at myself. Consistency was probably not one of my strengths. He smiled at me with his beautiful eyes. I looked away quickly so as not to fall into his gaze again. He was a drug. You kne
Kate was good at this, but I ... I thought I was different. But Daniel triggered something completely unknown in me. And I'll say it again- it really scared the hell out of me.I thought about it all day, couldn't follow the lesson and still couldn't find a solution.Our eyes met every now and then and every time I had the feeling that his eyes reflected my thoughts and my soul. As if to tell me, "Hey, I understand that you're confused."It calmed me a bit that he seemed to know how I was doing . And I knew he knew. On the other hand, it was so daunting that I tried to look away again as soon as possible. Of course it wasn't normal to think like that, but it felt so familiar, as if it had never been any different between us.When the doorbell rang and it was the end of school for today, I was slowly trotting down the big stairs when Daniel suddenly walked next to me. I took a deep breath and looked at him. His presence cost me strength.“It's
Oh, I was uncomfortable because everyone was naturally staring at me. I glanced around quickly before scurrying to my seat with my head bowed. I had one right by the window, which I was very grateful for.Here and there some of them talked about their experiences they had made during the vacation. I only took it with half an ear. I've never had much to do with my classmates. So I just didn't care what they were talking about.As usual, I automatically looked out the window and suddenly thought of Phil who was standing in the parking lot earlier. Occasionally he looked over at me as if to say that my time to think about it had expired and that I should now make up my mind.He didn't make it easy for me. I tried to put this topic off as long as possible. But it was clear that it couldn't go on much longer.Fortunately, the voice of Mr. Brown, the math teacher, broke my mind and I had to look up. He was a short, thin man, in his forties, and was half bald. Y