Difficult

We came back after like maybe two hours. The crowd was huge and the line... oh don't ask about the line in the temple. I was worn out. My legs were hurt and my feet were aching. We came inside and found out rima had already left. I went straight to the room and remembered that I haven't thanked him. He entered the room and I could see he was exhausted. He gave me a tired smile.

"Thanks," I said and he just looked at me for awhile, probably thinking why.

"For this," I said showing sari.

He nodded. Even though I was angry at his behaviour that gift meant a lot to me. After some time he went out and I was all alone in the room.

I was fasting and.... for his long life. Yes, for him. I thought I would be able to fast without drinking a drop of water but as time passed it became difficult for me. I know this marriage was fake and he forced me in it but I don't know why I was fasting for him. I know it's kinda weird.

Whole day I felt weakness so I sat down on the couch, leaning my head back against the couch. My stomach growled like 1000 times. when I tried to stand up I felt a little bit dizzy and he was on my side in a second. I didn't know he was in the room. When did he come?

"You ok ?" He said. I gasped when his hand came in contact with my naked waist. I was still wearing a sari. I didn't bother to change it because I was so tired. I nodded and went to change. I couldn't even sleep. First, because my stomach hurt and second we can't sleep while fasting. It would be like disrespect to god. I came back and he handed me a glass of juice but I refused it and sat on the couch.

"Are you fasting?" He asked. I thought he knew cause I didn't go down to have lunch.

I nodded and all he said was "oh," He seemed confused and surprised. 

I closed my eyes leaning my head against the couch. I know he was still there watching me. Thankfully he didn't bother to talk. I heard him walk towards the bed. 

When night came it became impossible for me to bear the stomach pain. My mouth went dry and my head felt like it was going to explode. It was almost 10 and I was lying on the bed. I watched him leave the room and after some time came back with a tray. I could see food, fruits and juice. My stomach started to growl. Hell, I was fasting and why was he torturing me? I turned my head to the other side so I don't see food and closed my eyes.

"I brought....food....eat it... please," he said but I shook my head. I didn't had any energy to argue so I stayed quiet.

"If not food, at least you can drink juice," He said again. I was still silent. Why does he need to do that? Fasting is no joke to me.

"Don't tell me you are fasting without even drinking water?" He asked after some time. 

I slowly looked at him. I felt quite bad. I know it was a modern world but I was fasting without even drinking water because I wanted to. I don't know why I believe in such thing like husband will live long if we fast. It may sound funny but the truth was he was indeed my husband.

"No way, why?" He asked in shock. He must have not expected that from me.

I shrugged not having the energy to speak.

"Don't tell me you kept fast.... for.... me," His eyes had a different kind of emotions, I couldn't read. I turned my eyes towards the door. I don't like to see in people eyes. They show emotions and I don't like emotions.

Of course, I kept fast for him. Whom I would fast for other than him? He was my husband and in Teej, woman fast for their husband, for their long life.

"You don't need to do this, you know. Not for me.... Don't starve yourself. please...eat," he insisted, still food in his hand. He came close.

"No," I said "You don't need to tell me what I should do or not," I said in low voice annoyed by his behaviour.

He stood there silently watching me. I closed my eyes and leaned on the headboard. I couldn't bear the pain in my stomach. I know it may sound like I am weak that I can't even fast for a day but it's my first time and I haven't even drank a drop of water.

To distract my mind and stomach I turned the tv on but I kept seeing food in most of the channels. Growling, I closed the tv. He was standing at the window. He turned to look at me and slowly came towards me.

"It's already 12. I.. I think you should eat now." He said but I stayed silent.

Why was he so into making me eat food?

"If you are fasting for me. I am.... telling ....you again you don't......" He was saying it nervously running his hand through his hair.

"Who told you I kept fast for you," I said annoyed of him continuously telling me to eat. He nodded and went silent. I felt bad lying to him and continuously asked myself if I snapped at him or was rude to him because today I didn't want to fight or snap at him. I was fasting for him. If I was rude I didn't mean to be. He was still standing beside me.

"I am...sorry," I said "I didn't mean to... snap." closing my eyes.

I started to feel more pain in my stomach. I squeezed my eyes unable to bear it.

"Now, that's enough. You are so stubborn. Eat or I will have to force you to," he said and brought food in front of me. I looked at the food then at him.

"It's already the next day so you can eat.....please," he said in a low voice giving me a pleading expression.

Feeling defeated, I drank half of the juice and kept it aside. I looked at him then the realization hit me.

"Drink," I said giving him the glass. He was about to speak.

"I know it's your fast too," I cut him off and he stared at me for awhile. Yes, I knew he kept fast when I went to make dinner, early and Tina had already prepared for one. I asked why and then she told me, he is not having dinner. First, I thought maybe he was going out but the whole time he was in the room with me so I assumed.

He drank and later he insisted me to eat food too. I asked him to eat with me. I really felt bad. It was my first fast and before the sunrise, I shouldn't eat or drink. Yeah, it was already the next day but it was still dark. I shouldn't eat before worshipping god. I wanted to ask him, why did he fast and for whom but I didn't. Slowly my eyes felt heavy and feeling guilty I drifted to sleep.