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Something's wrong
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2020-10-06 17:12:54I was in the garden when I got a call from my sister. She told me they were expecting us tomorrow for Dar. Hell, I didn't even know Teej was already here. I have no new sari. Obviously, they would expect you to wear a sari. I don't want to and I only have that two sari's I wore on our wedding day.
(Teej is a festival where Nepali women celebrate by keeping fast for the long age of their husband or young girls keep fast to get a nice husband. Some even keep fast without drinking water. )
I went inside and Rima was there with the devil, talking. I was about to go towards my room when Rima called me. I stopped and turned to look at her. Devil was also looking at me. Our eyes met but I focused my attention towards Rima.
"Hey," she said. What shocked me was she hugged me but I didn't hug her back. She hugged me so suddenly. I wasn't expecting that. I mean, I don't expect anything from anyone but that was something I would never think of. Our relationship is all fake so why bother?
"Hey," I said, feeling awkward.
"Would you like to go shopping for Teej?" She asked.
Shopping for Teej? Are they expecting me to keep fast?
"A.hh. I don't think I need to do any shopping," I told her.
"Come on, it's Teej. At least buy a sari," she insisted. I know she took care of me but she also played me.
I shook my head "No, umm, thanks for asking," I said smiling and went to the room without glancing at him.
I prepared dinner. Rima left early and it was quite a relief for me cause I felt like I was acting all smiley and fake around her. I know, I can be rude but I don't want to. She seems good and yeah, she played me but I don't want to hurt her. She probably did all that because the devil asked her to.
While eating, I was thinking about how to tell him about the Teej thing. I would look at him time and again and open my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Of course, he gonna say no. Dar at my house with him? Impossible but I have to tell him that they are expecting us.
"My parents, ah they.. they are expecting us tomorrow if you don't know it's "Dar khane din" (Feast day)" I said without looking at him. I could feel his eyes on me but he didn't say anything. I was right, why would he want to go to my parent's house? We are not so rich as him. I mean we are not even a cent percent near him.
( Dar is a feast that happens the day before Teej. )
I went to my room, ready to sleep. I felt like I was already exhausted tomorrow. My energy drained every time I was near them. I wanted to sleep but I knew if I sleep on the couch, I will be on the bed in the morning so as he had said it's my bed too, I kept pillow in the middle and slept on the left side of the bed. I closed my eyes but no sleep came. Something was bothering me but I don't know what. My breathing start to get heavy and my heart started to beat fast. I got up and went towards the window, opened it, and stood there for a while looking outside, taking fresh air. I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing.
After some time, he came and went to the bathroom. I heard a shower running. I went to bed and tried to sleep but couldn't. He came out and suddenly I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. My heart was banging on my chest. I felt the other side of the bed got heavy. He turned off the lights and I opened my eyes. I stared at the ceiling, tears formed in my eyes. what was happening? was it anxiety? I slowly felt the side of the pillow being picked up and then gone. He slowly pulled me towards him. I wanted to protest but instead closed my eyes. I was afraid he would force himself on me. I kept both hands on his chest to keep space but what I didn't expect was him to rub my back.
"I am here. Is something bothering you?" he asked.
I was silent.
"I know you can't sleep," he said in a low voice, hugging me closer.
How did he know I was not able to sleep? My eyes betrayed me and tears fell down and sob escaped. I don't know why I was crying.
"Shhhh," he said kissing my temple continuously and rubbing my back.
"I am here shhh, tell me what's bothering you. If it's about last night incident then don't worry, I am here and I won't let anyone harm you or anything happen to you, I promise." he whispered, now stroking my hair.
I was stunned at what he said.
"Say something," he said.
"I. I don't know... W.h.y i... am cry..ng," I sniffed and he slowly looked at me. He caressed my cheeks and wiped my tears. My tears had all soaked up his T-shirt.
I touch his t-shirt and felt bad
"I..I am so..."
"It's not a problem," he said, I could feel him smiling.
"You wanna go for a walk ?" He asked, "Or talk about it?"
I looked at him and shook my head. Room was not fully dark, moonlight fell directly inside the room. I had already controlled myself. I mean he calmed me down.
"Ok, then," he said holding me tight.
"Now try to sleep and if you can't we will think of other options."
Options?
"Like going on a walk or watching television or we can even argue." he joked and I smiled.
Bloody devil, he wants to argue with me?
I closed my eyes hugging him. I don't know why I did that but it really felt good and I felt safe too.
"Thank you," I whispered. I don't know if he heard that but I drifted to sleep, still smile on my face.
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