Mag-log in2 months later
My life was not any less fucked up. As always luck was nowhere to be found. I know, I know, everyone says those who work hard don't need luck but that's bullshit. What you gonna say when you are left behind just because of one shit or while giving exam you failed a subject by one mark? It sucks. Luck rules everything. I thought I would get a job but out of 20,19 got selected and I got left out. Wow, my life.
My parents have started to talk about my marriage but I couldn't bring myself to tell them I don't want to cause I know even if I say I don't want to it doesn't matter. They gonna force me anyway. I went home to find a car parking outside the house and deep down I knew whose car it was. It had been two months, no contact and suddenly, ugh. I didn't want to go inside instead the thought of going somewhere else came on my mind so I don't have to face him but I can be wrong. Anyone can have the same car as him so I went inside and there he was talking with my parents.
There were two more people I had never seen before, A woman and a man. That man was wearing a Dhaka topi. I stood at the door and thought of leaving but that bastard immediately looked at me as if he knew I was coming right then. I was about to say hello but I realized I should do Namaskar. They looked like a traditional type of people. I assumed they must be his parents. He smiled at me but ignoring him I went to my room.
I freshen up and many thoughts came on my mind. Why was he here? did he tell my parents about our deal? ugh, they gonna kill me. Mom told me to come outside for some time. I didn't bother to step outside and she called me again so I went out not willingly and sat on the couch. I knew he was looking at me but I ignored him. My parents told me why they were here. I thought he would show them the paper and tell them everything but he didn't. Did he come to ask my hand? After two months really? He cleared his throat and I looked at him.
"Do you say yes for the proposal?" My mom eyed me to say yes but I remained silent.
"If you don't mind, I want to talk to her ....a-h-h alone," he asked my parents in hesitated tone.
"Drama devil," I thought.
"Yeah sure, sure," my dad said.
I gave him a look and went to my room and he followed me. He closed the door and stood watching my every move. I crossed my arms.
"Why are you doing this?"
"I think you know why,"
"No, I don't. Care to explain?" I glared at him.
He stayed quite looking at me then slowly came towards me and whispered.
"I came back to take what's mine." He said with a smirk on his face and my hands fell down.
Mine? Is he fucking serious?
This got me angry and I slightly pushed him.
"I don't belong to you." I almost shouted.
"I guess now you remember about our deal," he said with a smile and I rolled my eyes.
"Say yes or I will have to force myself to take you without your permission."
"And how you gonna do that?" I crossed my arms.
He smiled "I think you forgot about our marriage papers."
"Get out," I snarled.
He looked at me for some time and muttered something under his breath and left.
I was so angry with myself. If I hadn't tried to kill myself that day this would have never happened. I am such a foolish bitch. I have always done things to ruin my life. I went outside and said yes. My parents were more than thrilled but prarthi looked at me with question eyes. She had just come doing shopping. She knew how much I despise relationship. Both of our parents went outside, my sister went to her room shaking her head not believing what I said. Before going outside he looked at me and winked. How dare he? I mouthed fuck you but instead of leaving he came towards me and whispered.
"Whenever and wherever you want." I balled my hands into a fist. It took everything in me not to hit him.
After they left, I went towards the balcony and got lost in my thoughts. I didn't notice when Prarthi came and was standing beside me.
"Are you sure you are happy?" Prarthi asked.
"Yes, I am," I said not turning to look at her.
She eyed me not believing my words "Why do I feel like something is wrong?"
Everything is wrong
I stood silent.
"Look at me," she demanded.
I looked at her and shook my head. "Nope, nothing is wrong. You always wanted to see my marriage look now it's happening," I looked at her trying to smile, but failed.
"I can't believe this,"
"Look, I am happy, ok? finally, I did something to make our parents happy," I said.
"But they are not going to spend the rest of their life with him. Anything you do, they will never be fully happy and we both know that."
She was right. Whatever I do, they would never be satisfied and happy but maybe for some time, I could make them happy.
"I know," I said "But this is what I want. He seems nice and if I don't marry him they will force me to marry someone else. It's better If I choose my life partner now."
"Hmmm. You are right. If you really want this then Ok with me," she hugged me and left.
One of the reasons I was alive was my sister. She was always supportive and she loved me. She always stood for me even if she had to go against my parents. I never told her about him and how I got married or how tried to kill myself. I couldn't, it could have hurt her.
Now, that I have said yes, I have to live with him after getting married in front of everyone. I don't want to but I don't have any choice. I couldn't let my parents know that I was already married without their knowing. They would have killed me but maybe not. As greedy and selfish they were with me I doubt they would have been angry.He was rich and maybe they would have forgiven me if I had told them I was already married to him? I don't know what is there for me tomorrow. I mean of course our engagement is tomorrow. He wants everything to happen fast and in private ceremony. Who is he and what does he really wants from me?
I was still furious about the kiss and more than that he forgot me while she was there. I skipped breakfast so I don't have to see him. I came down to tell Tina that I will be preparing for lunch. Tina told me not to make food spicy because he doesn't eat spicy food.I told her, I will make sure about it but guess what? I made it so spicy that even the spicy lover wouldn't eat it. I giggled thinking about how I am gonna make him pay and imagined him rushing to drink milk or water.I knew that it would make him angry but who cares. After lunch was ready I told Tina to call him but he didn't come out so Tina took food to his office. I felt quite bad about it and thought of making the food again."No, he deserves it," I told myself.Food was too spicy and what if he doesn't eat it and stays hungry? The thought of him staying hungry made me feel bad more than him being angry. Tina came out with the message that he wants
Next morning, After I prepared breakfast I went to the garden without having it because when I asked tina to call him, she said he wasn't in his office. I was enjoying gardening when he came with breakfast. I looked at him and he smiled. I washed my hands and sat on the bench. We then ate in silence."If you don't mind, I was thinking.. if...you know..i .... I want to take you out...." He said nervously, playing with his hand. I looked at him and laughed a little. Was he nervous?I just sat there looking at him and he frowned looking at his hands when I didn't say anything."For... Dinner," he said nervously."I didn't mean to.....laugh," I said feeling bad and He nodded.Question filled my mind. I mean he never asked me to go out before."Before? Girl you have been married for what maybe 10 days?" I told myself. I was in my own thought while he was looking at me, waitin
We came back after like maybe two hours. The crowd was huge and the line... oh don't ask about the line in the temple. I was worn out. My legs were hurt and my feet were aching. We came inside and found out rima had already left. I went straight to the room and remembered that I haven't thanked him. He entered the room and I could see he was exhausted. He gave me a tired smile."Thanks," I said and he just looked at me for awhile, probably thinking why."For this," I said showing sari.He nodded. Even though I was angry at his behaviour that gift meant a lot to me. After some time he went out and I was all alone in the room.I was fasting and.... for his long life. Yes, for him. I thought I would be able to fast without drinking a drop of water but as time passed it became difficult for me. I know this marriage was fake and he forced me in it but I don't know why I was fasting for him. I know it's kinda weird.
I went straight to take the shower cause I wanted to cool my mind. I sat on the shower feeling bad about everything. My energy was totally drained. I shouldn't have gone there but if I had not, they would have come here or called devil to visit them. Anyhow they would have made me go there.I came out and got ready to sleep but there was no sign of him. I looked around, went to his office but he was not there. I came back and sat on the bed. Where was he? I got up and looked outside from the window and he was in the garden. He was still in the same clothes that he wore in the morning. He didn't come up to change? Or oh, he went directly to the garden?I felt confused and then realized, holy crap. Is he mad because of what happened in the car? Or he must have felt bad but why would I care? I rolled my eyes and went to watch series but couldn't focus on it. After some time I looked at the watch and it was almost 12 but he had not come back
The next morning, I was all alone in the bed. I don't know why but I didn't like it. Today we were going to my parent's house so I got dressed. Dar was at night but prarthi told me to come early. I stood at the window admiring the day and waiting for him but as I looked down he was on the bench reading newspaper. Was he not going with me? Maybe he doesn't want to go? Why would he? But I know they called us just because they wanted to see him more than me.My legs took me to the garden. I stood staring at his back, thinking if I should go near him or not. He kept the newspaper and looked straight. what if he says he doesn't want to go? What am I gonna say to my sister? My parents will taunt me the whole day for not being able to bring him. No, I will beg him to go with me.I slowly went and sat on the bench. Tina brought tea for both of us. She smiled and left. I sat there watching at the trees thinking about how to ask him and then finally I said.&n
I was in the garden when I got a call from my sister. She told me they were expecting us tomorrow for Dar. Hell, I didn't even know Teej was already here. I have no new sari. Obviously, they would expect you to wear a sari. I don't want to and I only have that two sari's I wore on our wedding day.(Teej is a festival where Nepali women celebrate by keeping fast for the long age of their husband or young girls keep fast to get a nice husband. Some even keep fast without drinking water. )I went inside and Rima was there with the devil, talking. I was about to go towards my room when Rima called me. I stopped and turned to look at her. Devil was also looking at me. Our eyes met but I focused my attention towards Rima."Hey," she said. What shocked me was she hugged me but I didn't hug her back. She hugged me so suddenly. I wasn't expecting that. I mean, I don't expect anything from anyone but that was something I would never thi